I would have to call BS on that. Mujibar wouldn't be living next you to if he worked for the Cingular help desk. He'd be in India or Pakistan somewhere.

 

Yeah ... you are thinking of his little brother, Muhammad. He's the guy that runs the 7/11 on the corner.

He got that store by winning the lotto. You see, when you scratch off all the numbers on your ticket, you will see a little colored dot ..... if that dot matches the one on your forehead, you get your own 7/11 in Phoenix, Arizona !!!

PISTOL

 

Startin' to approach the 'Line' here folks.

You agree, through your use of the DieselTruckResource.Com forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, racially based or biased, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise in violation of ANY law.

 

A biker, who worked on a horse farm, got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. Since it was a rural road with no traffic, the biker tried hard to get the trooper to let him off with a warning. Instead, the trooper started to lecture the biker about his speed, and in general began to give the biker a big hassle.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The biker said, "Having some problems with Circle Flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of Circle Flies." So the biker says--"Well, Circle Flies are common on farms. See, they're called Circle Flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a minute he stops and says, "Hey - Are you trying to call me a horse's backside?" The biker says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's backside." The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

As the trooper hands him the ticket, the biker says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

 

I understand what you're saying and don't disagree but I do have to chuckle that we can pick on blonds and rednecks all we want but when it comes to Mujibar, we have to be careful what we say. Again, not disagreeing, just chuckling and shaking my head. Thanks for keeping an eye on the "line" so that we can enjoy this site.

 

Oh geez, this one hits home, since I am a Baptist. My gf, me, my buddy, his gf, and their neighbor girl were hanging out the other night, and decided to go see the neighbor girls roommate at Hooters. Well, we go in there, hang out with her, eat some good/decent food. My gf looks up, and says "dont look up now, there is a lady from our Church in here." Sure as daylight, I had to look, and a lady that goes to our Church back home(2.5 hours away from here) is sitting there at a table drinking a beer and eating some food. This lady also works for our county back home. Of COURSE, we didnt say anything to her, tried to avoid her, and we did. Goes to show you some of this stuff is true

 

Got this one in the mail today ... and NO, I didn't bother to snopes it, just smiled instead !!!


Top honors for "Human Projectile of the Month" go to an as-of-yet
> unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual
> "Darwin Award". That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the
> person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing
> himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion.
>
> Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got on to this gallant if
> not brainless form of ballistic research after motorists reported
> some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch of
> deserted highway.
>
> The more officers found, the stranger the case got. Here is what
> they "pieced" together:
>
> JATO units are basically huge canisters of solid rocket fuel used to
> achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off", typically lifting big transport
> planes into the air from short, rough ground runways, or shooting
> overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers.
>
> They were not, repeat NOT, designed to augment the inherent boost
> factor of a 1967 Chevy Impala. But it is guessed that -- let's call
> him "Zippy" ---- didn't know that when he hooked one up to his ride.
>
> He apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long,
> lonely piece of straight highway in good repair. Not guessing that
> he might need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy's
> test track had, that far down the track, a gentle rise on a sloping
> turn. He kicked the tire, lit the fire, ran his Chev up to top
> cruising speed, and hit the ignition. Investigators know exactly
> where this happened, judging from the extended patch of burned and
> melted asphalt.
>
> The pocket calculator boys figure Zip reached maximum thrust within
> 5 seconds, punching the Chevy to "well in excess of 350 miles per
> hour" and continued at "full burn" for another 20 to 25 seconds.
> Early in that little sprint, at roughly 2.5 miles down the road, the
> Human Hydro Shock stood on the brakes, melting them completely,
> blowing the tires and rapidly reducing all four skins to liquefied
> trails on the pavement.
>
> Remember that little rise on the turn? That's where Zippy concluded
> his land speed record attempt and went for airborne honors,
> ultimately reaching an altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when
> his flight was abruptly terminated. We'll never know how far or how
> high he might have gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in
> his way, posing a serious reaffirmation of the law of physics
> vis-a-vis two chunks of matter cannot occupy the same space at the
> same time. He gave it hell though, blasting a 6-foot crater. The
> best modern forensic science could do was ID the car's make and
> model year. As for Zippy, only trace evidence of bone, teeth, and
> hair were found in the crater.


PISTOL

 

The mental picture is hilarious.
Mythbusters even did a piece on this one.

pure fiction, but funny anyway.

 

Fella sittin at a base ball game.
He hears "HEY BILL!"
he turns looks around and doesn't see anyone he knows.
He hears again "HEY BILL!"
turns around again...nuthin
He hears again "HEY BILL!"
Finally he turns around and say "MY NAMES NOT BILL!"


I know......but its all i could think of

 

The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Kentucky women.

************************************************** ******

A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

************************************************** ********************

A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

************************************************** **************

The young man from Kentucky came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?

"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

************************************************** ***********

NEWS FLASH! - Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred! when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Indiana students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

************************************************** **************

An Kentucky State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

************************************************** **************


A man in Kentucky had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."

 

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) An 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though the TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kid.

a.) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.

b.) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c.) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d.) For those of you who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e.) For those of you who have not yet had children, this is birth control

 

Crazy but when I read about brake fluid and Clorox I was thinking I wonder if my wife has any Clorox in the wash room , got to try that .

 

I tried the clorox thing and couldn't get it to work. Am I supposed to add fire as well?

 

Throw some fire and tinfoil at it too...but keep a safe distance

Chris

 

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED; FOR IT IS THEY WHO LET IN THE LIGHT