An American native Indian and a Middle Eastern Muslim are chatting at a bus stop and are being overheard by a "good old boy" Texan, in Houston.
The American Indian is overheard to say "you know once we were many and now we are few."
The Middle Eastern Muslim retorts, "well once we were few and now we are many"...
The Texan pipes up and looking directly at the Muslim and says....."That is only because we haven't played Cowboys and Muslims yet"

 

As President Bush gets off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he
Is carrying a baby pig under each arm.

The squared away Marine Guard snaps to attention, salutes, and
Says: "Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authentic Texan
Razorback Hogs... I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for
Senator John Kerry."

The squared away Marine again snaps to salutes, and says: "Nice trade,
Sir."

 

He tried to get one for Hillary too but the hogs were too much too valuable for that trade .

 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...&q=coast+guard

 

...I can't imagine what you were sinking about when you posted the link...

 

An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

 

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get
acquainted tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he
could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton's private
toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid
gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.
"Just think," he said, "When I am president, I could have a gold
urinal, too. But I wouldn't do something that self-indulgent!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White
House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery
of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had
a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary
smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone."

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop

 

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to
my
husband that my breasts were too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he
uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of
toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood
in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?", I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years", my husband replies.

I stopped.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts
every day will make my breasts bigger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your back side; didn't it?"

He is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even
walk
again.

 

Oh that's to funny.

 

One Thousand Posts!!!!!yeee Hawww!!!!

 

When you have an "I Hate My Job"
type of day, try this.
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand!

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and
disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair,
open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will
not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins - take out the literature and read it
carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a
statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is
personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so
glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.


"HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS."

 

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road
>>one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The
>>driver
>>tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and
>>killed.
>>
>>Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to
>>the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone
>>calls to
>>lobbyists.
>>
>>About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
>>clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of
>>expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other,
>>and was
>>smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
>>
>>What happened to you, asked Hillary?
>>
>>"Well," the driver replied, the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
>>gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad
>>passionate
>>love to me.
>>
>>My God, what did you tell them? asked Hillary.
>>
>>The driver replied: I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
>>Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest
>>happened like lightning!

 

The following is a sampling of news story headlines related to Vice
>>>>> President
>>>>> Cheney's shooting accident:
>>>>>
>>>>> Kingsville Dispatch
>>>>> "Game Warden Fines Cheney $100 For Only Wounding Lawyer"
>>>>>
>>>>> National Review Online
>>>>> "Red States Poll Shows Cheney Shooting Was Justifiable"
>>>>>
>>>>> San Antonio Express/News
>>>>> "Sneaky Lawyer Tactics Don't Work On Cheney"
>>>>>
>>>>> LUBBOCK AVALANCHE JOURNAL
>>>>> "Cheney Sends Message to Terrorist"
>>>>>
>>>>> POST TRIBUNE
>>>>> "Cheney Said He Tried To Get Special Forces To Take Him Out"
>>>>>
>>>>> LONGVIEW GAZETTE
>>>>> "Tom Delay Had Lawyer to Field His Slot For Last Minute Hunting Trip
>>>>> with VP"
>>>>>
>>>>> STEPHENVILLE EMPIRE
>>>>> Cheney Quoted -
>>>>> "You Should Have Seen The One That Got Away"
>>>>>
>>>>> WICHITA FALLS TIMES HERALD
>>>>> "Cheney adds new meaning to Tourist Season!"
>>>>>
>>>>> CHILDRESS TRIBUNE
>>>>> "LAWAYER SHOT ONCE, OFFICIALS SAY GUNNED JAMMED"
>>>>>
>>>>> WEATHERFORD DEMOCRAT
>>>>> "Lawyer Used as Decoy"
>>>>>
>>>>> USA TODAY
>>>>> "Cheney In Texas Promoting Republican's New Medical Plan"
>>>>>
>>>>> SAN ANGELO TIMES
>>>>> "Cheney Now Seen as Major Threat For Presidential Bid"
>>>>>
>>>>> NRA American Rifleman
>>>>> "Witnesses Claim Cheney Only Feathered Lawyer"
>>>>>
>>>>> AMERICAN SPORSTMEN
>>>>> Guide Claims Cheney Misunderstood,
>>>>> "I said, Quote Condoleezza Rice NOT
>>>>> Quick, Lawyer To Your RIGHT!"
>>>>>
>>>>> KERRVILLE PRESS
>>>>> "Cheney Didn't have Proper Hunting License or Lawyer Stamp"
>>>>>
>>>>> BASTROP AMERICAN
>>>>> "Cheney Testing State's New Tort Reform"
>>>>>
>>>>> GEORGETOWN NEWS
>>>>> "Cheney Invites Hillary Clinton to Deer Hunting Trip"
>>>>>
>>>>> WACO TIMES
>>>>> "Cheney Shoots Austin Lawyer -
>>>>> "Cheney Popularity Approval Rating Now Standing at 98%" Dallas
>>>>> Morning
>>>>> News
>>>>> "Shot Came From Grassy Knoll."
>>>>>
>>>>> Austin Statesman
>>>>> "Cheney Says Victim's Quail Call Was Best He Ever Heard"
>>>>> Washington Post
>>>>> "Cheney Prevents Hunting Party From Field Dressing Shooting Victim"
>>>>>
>>>>> The Nation
>>>>> "Cheney Drove Shooting Victim to Hospital Tied to The Hood of His
Car"
>>>>> Houston Chronicle
>>>>> "Personal Injury Lawyers Hold Candlelight Vigil Outside Cheney Victim
>>>>> Hospital"
>>>>>
>>>>> Wyoming Tribune Eagle
>>>>> "Cheney Friends Decline Fall Duck Hunting Invitation"
>>>>>
>>>>> La Raza
>>>>> "Cheney Shooting Victim Gets Emergency Room Priority Over Illegal
>>>>> Aliens!"
>>>>>
>>>>> Vegan News
>>>>> "Cheney Shooting Victim Converts To Vegetarian In Hospital"
>>>>> New Orleans Times Picayune
>>>>> "Getting 'Dicked' Has All New Meaning"

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is
considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney theMedal of Freedom, the
national highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting
an attorney.The source was quoted to say " All Americans have wanted to
shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the ***** to
do it".

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues
hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to
bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license.
Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds,
deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will
cost $100, but open season will be all year long.

The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at
hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate
annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other
states are considering similar hunting license stamps.