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Registered User
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 21
Likes: 0
From: North Jersey
Originally Posted by CarlJensen
Each will be driving a pink Volvo
Say what you want but my (black) '86 740 Turbo is bulletproof. 260K and still kickin...got me through the 20+ inches of snow to work and back today too!
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,411
Likes: 2
From: Laredo
Originally Posted by CarlJensen
Survivor - Texas Style
>>>
>>>The contestants will start in Dallas,
>>>travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston
>>>and down to Brownsville.
>>>
>>>They will then proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso,
>>>then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
>>>Down to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to
>>>Dallas.
>>>
>>>Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper
>>>sticker that reads:
>>>
>>>"I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore,
>>>George Strait Sucks, Hillary in 2008, and I'm here to
>>>confiscate your guns!"
>>>
>>>The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins!!
>>>
>>>The contestants will start in Dallas,
>>>travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston
>>>and down to Brownsville.
>>>
>>>They will then proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso,
>>>then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
>>>Down to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to
>>>Dallas.
>>>
>>>Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper
>>>sticker that reads:
>>>
>>>"I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted for Al Gore,
>>>George Strait Sucks, Hillary in 2008, and I'm here to
>>>confiscate your guns!"
>>>
>>>The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins!!
Wont make it past laredo
thats ferdamshure....
Tx
DTR's Night Watchman & Poet Laureate
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,156
Likes: 1
From: Lyndon KS
Places to Live
> You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
>1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
>2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
>toilet bowl.
>3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
>4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
>5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when
>you open your oven door.
>6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
>ME??!!
>
>You can Live in California where...
>1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
>2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
>3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
>4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
>5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
>will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
>
>You can Live in New York City where...
>1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
>2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
>Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
>3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
>4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
>makes you multi-lingual.
>5. You've worn out a car horn.
>6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
>
>You can Live in Maine where...
>1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
>2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
>3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
>4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
>5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
>construction.
>
>You can Live in the Deep South where...
>1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
>2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
>3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
>5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
>MARY BETH, etc.
>
>You can live in Colorado where...
>1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
>2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at
>the day care center.
>3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
>4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
>You can live in the Midwest where...
>1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
>2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
>3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
>4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
>5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
>different!"
>
>AND You can live in Florida where..
>1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
>2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
>3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
>4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
>5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
>6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds.
>
>1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
>2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
>toilet bowl.
>3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
>4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
>5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when
>you open your oven door.
>6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
>ME??!!
>
>You can Live in California where...
>1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
>2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
>3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
>4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
>5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
>will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
>
>You can Live in New York City where...
>1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
>2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
>Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
>3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
>4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
>makes you multi-lingual.
>5. You've worn out a car horn.
>6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
>
>You can Live in Maine where...
>1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
>2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
>3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
>4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
>5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
>construction.
>
>You can Live in the Deep South where...
>1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
>2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
>3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
>5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
>MARY BETH, etc.
>
>You can live in Colorado where...
>1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
>2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at
>the day care center.
>3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
>4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
>You can live in the Midwest where...
>1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
>2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
>3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
>4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
>5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
>different!"
>
>AND You can live in Florida where..
>1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
>2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
>3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
>4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
>5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
>6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds.
>
It's my pot and I'll stir it if I want to. If you're not careful, I'll stir your's as well!
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,264
Likes: 210
From: Central Mexico.
Originally Posted by signature600
The Midwest one is Ohio to a tee
The traffic jam one needs to say "farm equipment" not just tractor! I cause plenty of them taking chisels and such to farmers
Chris
The traffic jam one needs to say "farm equipment" not just tractor! I cause plenty of them taking chisels and such to farmersChris
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 78
Likes: 0
From: New Mexico
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 78
Likes: 0
From: New Mexico
*Another blonde joke for y'all
A blonde and her blonde boyfriend went for a walk along the river.
The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blonde boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
A blonde and her blonde boyfriend went for a walk along the river.
The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blonde boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,604
Likes: 0
From: Jeffersonville, Ohio
Originally Posted by Mexstan
I give. What is a 'chisel'? I know it as a hand tool or at the most something you would use on a jack-hammer, but presume you are talking about something else. Please put that in simple English and not your local twang.
Sorry 'bout that, forgot not everyone knew the farming terms
It's my pot and I'll stir it if I want to. If you're not careful, I'll stir your's as well!
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,264
Likes: 210
From: Central Mexico.
Thanks. I was also wondering if it could be what I would call a ripper, but you have explained it in simple enough English for even me to understand.