Collards is green,

my dog's name is Blue

and I'm so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

a-flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue's

and without all them fleas.



You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales

but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry

jist a-fry'n in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"

right out of the can.



You have some'a yore teeth,

for which I am proud;

I hold my head high

when we're in a crowd.



On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well, I'm in hawg heaven,

and awed by yore charms.



Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.



Like a good roll of duct tape

yo're there fer yore man,

to patch up life's troubles

and fix what you can.



Yo're as cute as a junebug

a-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.



Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.



When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete;

Ain't nuttin' I lack.



Yore complexion, it's perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin'.

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin'.



Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go together

like a skunk goes with stank.



Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,

it's romantic that way.



Some men git roses

on that special day

from the cooler at Kroger.

"That's impressive," I say.



Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

Diamonds are forever,"

hey explain, suave and couth.



But for this man, honey,

these won't do.

Cause yor'e too special,

you sweet thang you.



I got you a gift,

without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds...

IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

 

COWBOY WISDOM

· Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
· Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well
you bounce.
· Keep skunks and most bankers at a distance.
· Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
· A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
· Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
· Meanness don't happen overnight.
· Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
· Don't corner something meaner than you.
· It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
· You can't unsay a cruel thing.
· Every path has some puddles.
· When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
· The best sermons are lived, not preached.
· Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.
· Don't squat with your spurs on.
· Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
· Live a good, honorable life Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
· Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
· Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
· It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.
· The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets,
the harder it is to swaller.
· If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
· If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
· It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
· Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
· The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches
you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
· If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
· Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably
a whole lot bigger'n you think.
· Only cows know why they stampede.
· Always drink upstream from the herd.
· If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there with ya.
· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad
judgment.
· Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
in.
· You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'til they get thumped.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

This has got to be the longest thread ever on DTR!!!! Some gooduns also!

John (DH)

 

Not even close.

Ahem......can you say "three word st...."?? Oh wait.....

 

MAN OF THE HOUSE!!!!Subject: Man of the House
>
> A man had just finished reading his book "Man Of The House"
>while making his commute home from work.

> When he reached home, he stormed into the house and walked
>directly up to his wife. Pointing his finger in her face, he said, "From
>now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is
>law! You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
>eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after
>dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax. And when I'm
>finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
>
>
> His wife thought for a moment and responded, "The Funeral
>Director is my guess."

 

Oh no!. Were not going there.

Rich

 

Here is one my sister sent me, I posted it of on NWbombers too!I hope its not to bad!Subject: The Devil Strikes Again


Ya, it was a bit outside the envelope for a family site such as this

 

Here we go

 

 

Ya, it was a bit outside the envelope for a family site such as this-- come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?? No profanity, nothing derogetory, and you had to Know your history to figure it out!!

 

(Psst... Arguing with moderators is like arguing with women; we all know how it turns out in the end...)

 

But without the makeup-love.

 

What's the difference between a Rabid Pit Bull & My Ex?




The lipstick.

 

Did you notice (and talk about) the difference while you were still married to her ???

AlpineRAM

 

I believe it fell into the profane and vulgar category....which of course is against site rules. Aside from that....it was just NASTY.

Now....back to our regularly scheduled program.