A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Texas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It is guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work, in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" Embarrassed; the ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!

 

Why make jokes when yall do it to yourself?

 

The ability to laugh at ones self is a virtue.

Besides Blue, I think your the pot calling the kettle black!

 

BOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This is supposed to be a HUMOR thread. Not only was it not funny, but it's not appropriate.

 

Good one.

 

 

Me? I'm perfect. I don't know what your talking about.

Hoss, I thought that one was funny. Maybe your just getting to old.

 

A love story
Wee Hughie adored and loved his girlfriend, Lorraine, to whom he was engaged to be married. Wedding plans were well underway and he was looking forward to spending the rest of his lfe with Lorraine.

However, a beautiful young lady, called Clearly, came to work in his glen and they found that they got on together very well and as time went by, Wee Hughie realised that he was in love with Clearly and that the Love was reciprocated.

Being a gentleman he decided that as he had promised to marry Lorraine he would do so and steadily removed himself from his other relationship.

One day, he and Lorraine were walking along the banks of the River Tay. As they walked, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and was swept away and drowned.

He stood on the bank for a few minutes feeling very sad before walking away singing happily.



And this is what he sang:






wait for it














its coming




"I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"

.

 

Pirate joke
Pirate walks into a bar.

The bartender notices something odd, and say to the Pirate - "There's a steering wheel sticking out of your pants!"

Pirate replies - "Arrrrrrr, Matey, It's drivin' me nuts"

 

i bout fell out of my chair!!!

 

I did!

 

....of note, new ships no longer use a wheel to steer. They are equipped with a joystick. COINCIDENCE ????

PISTOL

 

Uhhhh, nope better not go there. Bad Flash Bad!

I Really need that smilie with the horns holding up the halo.

 

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

 

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his
bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly
medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on
the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would
have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but
she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by
his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each
other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying
there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says:

"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."