Ebay Item:
One French Military Rifle
Never Fired, Dropped Once.

 

A guy rushes into a bar and yells to the bartender"Quick give me 5 shots of your best whiskey, QUICK"
The bartender starts pouring as fast as he can and the guy is drinking them as fast as he can , the bartender says "What are you in such a hurry for?"
Guy says "you'd be in a hurry too if you had what I have!"
Bartender asks "Whats that?"
Guy says, " 50 cents"

 

GAMES FOR WHEN YOU GET OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

 

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts."

"What does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says,

"Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

 

A georgia game warden working near the georgia/alabama state line finds a raccoon in a trap, after close inspection he finds that the raccoon is from alabama. So he calls up his buddy who is a game warden for alabama and asked him to come and get this alabama coon. His friend asks, how do you it's a alabama coon and not a georgia coon? His reply, Well, He's done chewed three of his legs off and he's still in th trap.

 

That was a good one. Three legs & still in the trap.

 

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.

"My what big ears you have, Mr.Wolf."

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop"!

 

I made it! 652 posts and it's taken me 4 hours. The only problem is the files still aren't finished restoring on the server and I need something else to do for the next 4 hours as well.

My contribution:
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

brandon.

 

Now that's funny right there!! You had me wondering there for a minute until I finally made it to the bottom, then I laughed out loud even with no one here to hear it. That's how you know when something is REALLY funny!!

 

Dear Husband:


West Virginia together! Have a great life! </SPAN></FONT></I></P>Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving yourletter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the KIND life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed, Rich and Free!

</BLOCKQUOTE>

 

Bet the pastor kept the money though.

 

Pay back is a, well you know.

 

Lipstick in School -- Priceless!!

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently
faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to
use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after
they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving
dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove
them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all
the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He
explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the
custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the
maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out
a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror
with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..
There are teachers, and then there are Educators!

 

Hehehehe ... I like that one !!

PISTOL

 

I know Educators like that.