If you found out you were dying due to cancer, what would you do in your last days in existance ?


Would you welcome those whom you haven't spoken to for what seems forever ? IE reconciling with those you "used" to care about ?

Would you want any contact with anyone at all, other than your immediate loved ones ?

If you were in pain and discomfort, and had little time left, what would you do to leave this place the way you wanted to ?



The reason I ask is my older brother is terminally ill, and it's just a matter of time. Due to a misunderstanding, and both of us being "stubborn and pig-headded", neither one of us attempted to contact each other for over the last 10 years. I recently found out he had cancer, and it's re emerged with a vengence, and he's not long for being here.

I made an attempt at calling him, but he really didn't want to talk to me.... not that I blame him in any way, or so it seemed. I can honestly say that if I was in his condition that I really don't think I'd want anyone around either. He's been released back home, and in the care of his wife till he passes.

So I sent him a letter, of which I hope he got to read, and told him all of the things I never did, but should have. Basically, it was a thank you for being there for me all of those times in my early child and adulthood, essentially just thanks for being my brother, and apologizing for not making more of an effort to keep in touch.


What would you do if your last days were here? Would you reconcile with those people ? Would you even care anymore ?


I wish I could say I would.

 

The 64 million dollar question is:
Would have tried to contact him if he wasn't dying?
Might be why he wasn't very receptive.
Instead of a phone call, or a letter, pop by to see him.

Family will always be family, even when disagreements arise.

 

Thought about it lots of times over the years, but never actually did it. The old catch phrase "well, if he doesn't want to contact me, then why should I contact him ? "


Yeah, I know ... lame, but true.

I'm heading the 9 hours down to be in the vicinity and see my mother. I'll make it known that I'm there, but out of respect for him, I just can't pop in....

 

Try not to have any regrets... it won't change anything.

I think you're doing the right thing by letting it be known you're in the area but respecting his wish to, or not to see you.

If I were in his position, I can't honestly say HOW I'd feel. I can tell you tho, when I just have a cold I don't want anyone around me, never mind a terminal disease.

 

My youngest brother ad I have talked for over 10 years. That was until our Mother became really ill on March 20th of this year. We were by her bedside everyday in the hospital until she passed away. Our father passed away on July 1st. Both of us have been at their trailer painting, cleaning and getting it ready to sell. It is good to have my little brother back in my life. It is like nothing happened. Keith

 

We have had a non contact situation with my wife's mother for the past 10 years. The main issue seems to be me. I always kept my mouth shut out of respect for my wife's wishes.....then our first child was born and she (my wife) decided no more molly coddling to her mother. This caused a lot of hysteria and undercurrents that resulted in her losing touch with her younger half sister(same mom) and her new husband. Fortunately, after 8 years the girls finally talked thru it and it has been quite nice having them and their two young boys in our lives, the mother, however, is still not talking to us and has made it clear she probably never will. Oh, well. My wife is ok and good with this so we don't worry over it.

My heart says try to fix things with your brother, now is the time. If he accepts you back, you're good, if he does not, you are still good knowing you made the effort and will fare better after his passing (Soon or a long way off, you never know) knowing you tried to fix it.

Just my .02

Good luck and God Bless, Prayers to his house and yours.

 

I spoke to his daughter earlier today, to see how he was and what, if anything was happening.


She said they started him on "morphine" and he's back home resting, although it appears that he's in a lot of pain. Not sure how he'll react, or if I'll even get to see him.


I'm leaving tonight and will be in the area by morning. I guess its up to him whether or not I get to say goodbye.. 9 hours or so, from what I hear.


Really sucks that it takes situations like this to show you what an *** you can be, over nothing. No fighting, no words, no nothing special. We just stopped talking.


Wish me luck......

 

I honestly do not know what you are going through. My older brother and I talk maybe once every few months but have a great relationship. We did go a few years with very little communication but that was when we were both in early 20's and just so busy with life's changes but as we got older we really grew closer even though we are about 1500 miles apart.

I feel if i was in your situation I would do the below. You can be the "Bigger" man and at least make thins right in YOUR heart and conscious. You may never change his way of thinking but being there in person could have have a big impact on his beliefs.

 

Safe travels and Prayers you make it.

 

Best of luck to you. I really don't know what I'd do in your situation, but it would probably be about the same as you are doing. I hope you get to see him.

 

NJTman, you should say your peace. I'm sorry it is under such circumstances. I do hope he grants you that at least, to hear you. Travel safe friend.

 

Sorry for you and your family.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. You would probably regret not trying as hard as you can to reconcile.
If he still snubs you than so be it. This may sound strange, but if hurting you gives him some satisfaction than so be it.

 

You only get one "Family", folks can come and go in our lives but blood is always blood, whether we see eye to eye or not, I applaud your efforts to make right with him....I hope and pray you get your chance.

 

If I found out tomorrow I had a very short time to live I would begin compiling the list of those I will be taking with me

 

I've thought about that a few times, but I think that if you get to that situation, living to the fullest might be a better choice ... unless you're speaking of really bad people..... then it would be fine..