After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.


(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

This, although still funny every time I read it , it not likely from a Quantas pilot.
I've seen it usually attributed to Air Force Aircraft Maintenance troops.

Example:
IFF (Identification, Friend or Foe),
Target Radar ......not usually found on commercial aircraft

 

There were a couple, though usually some QC guy with no sense of humor made us change, that we'd use.. I was a UH-60 crewchief in the Army...

P: Windshield wipers wipe slowly
S: applied water to windshield

P: Aircraft has vibration under all flight modes
S: Added more padding under seat. (It's a helicopter, they all vibrate...whaddya want?)

P: Clock inop.
S: Wound clock (Seriously!)

P: Engine #1 very low on oil and engine #2 overfull of oil
S: moved aircraft to level ground.

P: Backup Hydraulic pump runs at all times
S: Moved backup hydraulic pump switch from "ON" to "auto"

Yeah, not as funny as the above, but we thought it was a hoot...

 

Thanks for the laughs....Good stuff

-CM

 

Seen it many times....but still funny. The midget with the hammer and the auto-land get me every time.

 

My favorite.

p: Relief tube too short.

s: Checked - relief tube O.K. peter too short.

 

 

Seen all these many times, but they still bring a smile and a chuckle.

A long time ago when I used to have apprentices it was common practice with a new apprentice during an aircraft inspection to tell him that it was necessary to check that there were no blockages in a certain tube running out the belly of the aircraft. To check it the apprentice had to blow in the bottom of the tube as hard as he could while the mechanic checked in the cockpit.
Of course, after the poor apprentice had finished blowing in the tube he was told what he blew in. That is, if the rest of the mechanics could stop laughing long enough. The apprentice would be familiar with the pitot head and then was told this was the pee tube.
This goes along with sending the apprentice for a bucket of prop wash etc.

 

5-gallon container of rotor wash
100 feet of flight line
a box of grid squares
pre-twisted safety wire
ID-ten-tee tag.. (write it numerically)

When I was a wet-behind-the-ears Private at my first unit, I was asked to get a box of grid squares... they were very surprised when I showed up 2 hours later with a box! (took a map, a sheet cutter, and went to town!)

Aahhh, good times...

 

Shortround, where's that "cannon report" I asked for?



It was always fun sending the new guy to go up on top of the APC to jump up and down so you could measure track tension. Your not gonna budge a 15 ton vehicle.

 

Re my earlier post about getting the apprentice to blow on that tube. Forgot to mention that we told him it was the 'range extender tube'. Let him figure that out after he blew thru it.

 

First night on the flightline for me, I was in the back seat of an F-4D. Guy in front tells me all the horror stories of the ejection seat. A little later he pushes the front ejection light which lights the rear. By the time he turned around I had jumped out of the dang plane and was about 50 yards away runnin

He got me good with that one, but I still never liked the Martin Baker seats.
Ed