Oil Change instructions for Women:<br><br><br>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.<br>2) Drink a cup of coffee.<br>3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.<br><br>Money spent:<br> Oil Change $20.00<br> Coffee $ 1.00<br> Total $21.00<br><br><br>******************************** ************************************<br>Oil Change instructions for Men:<br><br>1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.<br>2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.<br>3) Open a beer and drink it<br>4) Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.<br>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.<br>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.<br>7) Place drain pan under engine.<br>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.<br>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.<br>10) Unscrew drain plug.<br>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.<br>12) Clean up mess.<br>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.<br>14) Look for oil filter wrench.<br>15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.<br>16) Beer.<br>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.<br>18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath truck.<br>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during previous step.<br>20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.<br>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.<br>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.<br>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.<br>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.<br>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.<br>26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.<br>27) Drink beer.<br>28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.<br>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.<br>30) Drink beer.<br>31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.<br>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.<br>33) Begin cussing fit.<br>34) Throw wrench.<br>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992 in the left boob.<br>36) Beer.<br>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.<br>38) Beer.<br>39) Beer.<br>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.<br>41) Beer.<br>42) Lower truck from jack stands.<br>43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.<br>44) Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.<br>45) Beer.<br>46) Test drive truck.<br>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.<br>48) Truck gets impounded.<br>49) Make bail.<br>50) Get truck from impound yard.<br><br><br>Money spent:<br> Parts $50.00<br> DUI $2500.00<br> Impound fee $75.00<br> Bail $1500.00<br> Beer $25.00<br> Total-- $4150.00 -- But you know the job was done right<br>

 

Money well spent? <br> Glad I don't drink. 8)

 

Darn that alcohol anyway.

 

Ain't that the truth ??!! I have taken vehicles to places like Jiffy Lube in the past and really don't feel very confident with their choice of &quot;Lubrication Specialists&quot; that they have working there. I tried recruiting a few into the Navy but they couldn't pass the ASVAB or the urinalysis. <br><br> Besides ... they won't let you drink your beer in the waiting room ;D ;D <br><br>PISTOL

 

Woman in the neighborhood took her minivan to the local lube shop. Noticed a trail of oily fluid followed her down the driveway when she got home and went to get the mail. Seems that in-DUH-vidual under lube rack forgot to tighten drain plug and it was almost ready to fall out. How she made it home without it falling out.........<br><br>Motor was starting to make noises already - don't know if it tore anything up or not.<br><br>I have never had anybody else change anything on any of my vehicles that I could change myself - 25 years of wrenching and I haven't lost a plug yet. Won't say other things have not happened

 

Sounds like something I would do. <br><br>btw, if (yeah right, more like when) I get out to BMD, I'll be sure to bring y'all a few cases. it's only $11.29 for a case of beer on base here.<br><br>-SFB

 

That is great!!!<br><br>Although when i was in college i once took my car 1990 olds cutlass supreme to a jiffy lube type place and they changed the oil and checked the fluids and sent me on my way. Well it just so happens that night i was on a 2 hour trip home frm school and was on interstate 64 in ky and made it about 60 miles and notice the car was over heating pretty bad and i was about 8 miles from the nearest exit so i had to baby it all the way to about 9 miles to a gas station and i popped the hood and when th esteam cleared i noticed the radiator cap was just barely hangin on!!! They had no put it on good and the pressure had pushed it dang near off!!! So i filled it up with water and put the cap on correctly and went on home nothing was tore up But when i got back to school the following monday i told this place about it an dthey offered me free oil changes yet i declined so they gave me a a case of free synthetic oil!! Could have been a big problem but since it caused me no harm and i got a free CASE of synthetic oil out of the deal i wasnt tooo upset!!