PourinDiesel

Just from your brief account I would not trust her. I would start looking for something else because chances are she is already probably screwing around with this John guy you mention. Thats just the way I see it.
Guys that are "friends" are 99% after one thing most of the time.

If she doesn't have time for you now then she'll probably never have time for you in the future. Find someone that appreciates you.

SIXSLUG

My wife has her MS in the physical fitness/exercise science field. I can tell you that during the program her focus was intense and she spent just about every waking hour doing research and writing her thesis. We were married long before this event so our relationship really wasn't an issue.
I think you need to ask her upfront what her intentions are for the future re: your relationship and make a decision based on her reply. Do this face to face and don't surprise her by showing up unannounced. Take her to dinner and then ask the hard questions afterwards. Just my .02

Kurt

s cesnick

It seems by reading your posts that she doesn't have time for your visit, but DOES have time to go "Climbing" with this John dude. Hmm ????

I agree with Pourindiesel, This guy does like her and wants to get with her. I have yet to meet a guy that is truely "just a friend" unless he is gay .

I think you know whats going on as much as I do but don't want to admit it.
If I were you I would ask her point blank. And then, once you get the answer we both know is coming, you can move on with your life...
Sorry dude, but better now than once she has a ring on her finger and the split would cost you half your toys.............

chipmonk

i disagree. while 'john' may want to be more than climbing buddies, i think if they were already screwing around, she wouldn't be talking to james about him at all. if i was screwing around on my wife, the last thing i'd do is keep mentioning the girl's name to her, and tell my wife about how me and this other girl were doing all this cool stuff together. jmo......

Rednecktastic

1)She's busy and keeping you on a hook.
2)She's keeping you on the hook till she sees what happens with someone else.
3)It's over and she's letting you down lightly.
4)Who the hell knows!



I'm currently on the hook right now and it sucks. But my story is extremely complicated and wild beyond what I could have ever imagined would happen to me in life.


Anyway you're one of my favorite members on here in the tech section so I hope everything works out for you.

Rednecktastic

Also have you guys talked about marriage and kids or anything in the past? Have you dropped a heavy on her saying that's what you want or anything?

PourinDiesel

Your thinking like a man....women are different creatures all together.
She keeps naming off Johnny so it doesn't hurt so bad and it isn't out of the blue when she does finally let the cat out of the bag.

I pick door #2 & #3

James,
I would at the least put things on pause for now and seek someone else. Your are only setting yourself up for more heartache!

Rednecktastic

Heck it might not even be little johnny it might be someone else if that's happening. But in all honesty I think you can be a man in a relationship and be friends with a woman, primarily women that your woman knows or your friend's women.




Best advice ever, too bad lots of men can't follow it .

Hoss

I'll just say that it is VERY hard to make a long distance relationship work. You've heard the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Well, that is true for a while. As time goes on though two hearts will eventually begin to grow apart. If you want to have a good relationship with someone you have to spend time with them. You can't do that when you're separated by great distances.

I believe this woman still cares for you and probably still loves you, but I'm not so sure that she is IN love with you anymore. It sounds to me like time apart combined with her very busy lifestyle is doing to your relationship with her the same thing that it would do with just about any relationship in that situation.

Personally, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's seeing another man just yet. I have a very dear friend who is female that I play tennis with on a regular basis. It's a fun thing for us to do together and it lets both of us get a little exercise. We enjoy the game and we enjoy the fellowship and conversations, but there's no inappropriate attraction there. Of course, I would consider her and her husband to be best friends of my wife and I so that's a bit of a different scenario. Bottom line though is that just because she's rock climbing with this guy doesn't NECESSARILY mean she is into him (although I admit it is cause for concern).

Bottom line...it's a bad situation and if you can't find a way to start spending significant time with her then I'd say there's a good chance that eventually the two of you quit talking altogether and she becomes a "what might have been."

If you love this woman and want to continue your relationship with her then you need to find a way to spend time with her. If she's not willing to "meet in the middle" then that should tell you something...even if it's not something you want to hear.

jamesbfishin

Again a big thanks to all that offered their thoughts on this sad situation I'm in. It helps me to again realize there are still good people out there willing to help another even though they've never met. Thank you.

I am really starting to to accept the gut feeling that I've had for the past few weeks. It's probably over.

I think what she is doing, using the distance (mileage wise) to create more distance (between our hearts) in the hopes that I would pull the trigger and end our relationship. In doing so she isn't the bad guy and can go on doing what ever or who ever shes doing now with a clear conscience. I already had the inclination, but guess I just needed someone to really open my eyes.

Now the hard part begins, figuring out if I can do this and then moving on without her....Miss her already....

kipper79

Well here is a thought, just stop.... Stop texting the good mornings and little messages, stop calling to chat, stop putting more into the relationship than she is. You say that you call and get her voicemail. There is a point behind that. Either she does not know what to say to you at that time or she is not able to talk at that moment.

If you stop calling and texting, you will force her to inquire about you.

Good luck with it,

Kip.

jamesbfishin

Really the only contact between us for the past 2 weeks maybe more has been coming from her end. I don't call her anymore, at all. I only sent one TXT message last week to remind her to check her schedule for the Richmond race. I'm just going to ride the roller coaster for a bit and see what happens. I'm actually curious to see if she will slip up and tell me that she has plans to go climbing the same weekend that was already deemed too busy for the race. I'm not one for playing games, can't stand them actually, but this is one thing I am very curious to see if it will happen. I've pretty much accepted the worst case scenario though.

capt.Ron

I agree!!

Put things on pause...yes.
I would not however seek someone else unless I was done with the relationship.
Now from what you've said my thought is she's moving on in her own slow fashion, BUT what if she really is just too busy at the time. I can't see how seeking someone else will bring the two of you back together.
Now here is the absolute best advice you'll get from here or anywhere else for that matter.
Do what you think is best for you and her. Don't do what I or others tell you to do unless it's what you feel is best. You are the only person that knows exactly where you are in this relationship and you are the one who must live with the decision that you make.

jamesbfishin

capt.Ron

Thats why I find it so hard to make a decision, the "what if's" are just too many. I don't see her everyday, so it's hard if not impossible to know whats really going on in her heart and her life at the moment. Thats why I decided to take a step back and let things roll a few weeks ago.

One thing she did mention is that this John character who is a full 2 yrs ahead of her in the program but I believe is 4 or 5 yrs younger, will be moving to perform some of the schools required chlinicals or internship or whatever it's called, so thats another what if to factor in.

You did state in your advise (which is great by the way) that I'm the only one whon knows where I am in this relationship....

I knew where I was, but I don't know where I am now, thats the problem.

Would be funny to email her a link to this thread so she can get a better idea of where I'm at, but I won't....

capt.Ron

Well you know you just don't know...if that makes any sense.
We on this forum don't know...we just know what we've experienced in our lives. Here's another little piece of advice.
If you do ever decide to play the field while waiting on her. NEVER TELL HER!!!
She doesn't want to know about it.
The best move if you are waiting on her is to not see anyone else but some often don't do so. Telling her would only muddy the water. Oh and women don't forgive easily even if they've done it themselves.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, don't send her this link. Even though they'll tell all of this to other women they don't like their story being told to unless they're doing the telling.