jamesbfishin

After seeing the advice you kind folk have given to "rip 112" I decided to see what you all think of this.... thanks for reading.


The girl that I have been dating for the past 2 years has gone to school (left in Dec) in NC for her Dr in physical therapy and excersize science (smart kid). I am very proud and love her to the point that I have every intention of asking her hand in marriage when she graduates. We never had a fight, always laughed and had fun no matter what, she always cared and listened to what was going on in my life as well as our relationship. As the months go by, seems like she is becoming more and more distant, she says it's because of the work load from school (I can understand that) but heres the part that I don't understand... We had plans for me to go down and visit every 6 weeks or so, last time was around Valentines day. She now says she won't have time until her break in July . But she seems to have time to go rock climbing and mt biking with schoolmates, our conversations on the phone really aren't conversations at all, more like me listening to her gab on about school and her climbing trips. She was supposed to go to Richmond VA with ne for the Nascar race in a few weeks but bailed out (again no time). The thing that really has me is this guy John that takes her on climbing trips, I know (just from being a guy) that he likes her, shes says no that he's into another chick named Renee. I don't know what to think...

Do we stand a snowballs chance in hell, or should I cut my losses and move on? I'm almost 35 and shes 30

Thanks for listening

ajpulley

My gut is saying move on. It'll be best for you in the long run. If you have concerns, then it's not "flowing" as it should in my opinion. If it's meant to be, she'll come looking for you when she's done.

Jeff in TD

Well, I think you should sit down with her and explain your concerns about like what you have posted, and ask her to tell you honestly what her feelings are about you and the relationship and its future.

Be brief about it, and choose your words wisely though, so as not to come off needy and insecure, or on the other side, be sure you don't come across confrontational either.

This seems to me to be one of those situations where open and honest communication is the best thing, even if it turns out what she tells you isn't what you were wanting to hear...

If things continue, you might give rock climbing a shot, too.

madhat

I concur with Jeff, tell her that you think that you are not her main focus, and if so, please let you know. You're gonna have to make it sound better than that, tho...

Don't just give up, but know when it's time to cut your losses...


Heck, if it don't work out, I got an insta-family for ya, just take over payments...

Good luck, bud. Lemme know if there is anything that I can do for ya. Oh, by the way, I am a professional hit man... two for tuesday, and friday is family night. I'll cut John's rope for ya, and make you a heck of a deal...

mad

deion7258

Sorry bud but it sounds like she is experiencing something new (not like what she is use to) and that she is moving on and is un sure as to how to let you know without hurting you I have been in this spot yes it sucks but I would just ask her if that is it if so wash your hands and go on

jamesbfishin

Actually, I used to climb, haven't been in a few years though. I like speed, so snowboarding and mt biking are my sports of choice, but climbing does give a good rush....

I've tried to talk with her, she just says be patient, thats all. You're right about choosing words, I am not needy at all and I don't want to put her in a corner, but at the same time it's def not going to work going down this path. Seems like if I don't say "love you babe" or "miss you" it doesn't get said. At a huge loss here, I've always had a good idea when I wasn't wanted anymore, can't figure this one out.

Hard to throw away 2 awesome years for nothing. I've sacrificed alot to be with her, and did so many things through-out to help her and make her life better, to come down to this...

jamesbfishin

I came to a conclusion a while ago that I can't be her main focus, school work took that honor, and I'm ok with that. It's the totally falling off the map that bothers me.

Keep the opinions coming, but it's all pointing in the direction I have feared...

thanks for offering the "service" but a friend of mine runs a "girlfriend relocation service" if need be. We have boats for removing evidence...

jamesbfishin

This was a year ago....

chipmonk

how old are you guys? lots of times when young people go away to school, they see and experience things they've never seen before, and change/grow as people. if it seems like she'd rather be unattached, i'd let her, so you can make yourself happy, and not feel like you're trying to keep the relationship going by yourself...... sorry, i just read your ages, and at 35 i'd make sure that you think there's a real future with you guys, because if it doesn't work, you'll just be that much more angry at the time you wasted.

salesrep

Make the time. Book on down there, even if only for a night. Lay it on the line and find out. All else is turns into negative mental gymnastics.

Hopalong

Drama. Move on.
The older you get, the easier it is to see.

jamesbfishin

I really thought there was a future (and holding onto hope that there still is) with this one, shes perfect for me, we never fight, always have a laugh, even at my grandmothers funeral. I saw such a brite future that I made the sacrifices to bring her into my life. I lost friends (long story) and ****** off my bro in doing so. Probably not a wise thing to do, but I have been in many relationships before and kinda got an idea what I wanted and what love really is throughout the years. I never would have given up so much for any other girl in my life, but this one was so much different. I don't want to regret it, although it may happen.

Chris Taylor

Been there done that. Not to sound bitter but 17 years of marriage later and the loss of family and friends dueing that time later, I am now divorced and happier than I have ever been. Family and Friends see things that you (and Me) being blinded by love don't.

Just my $.02

jamesbfishin

Friend issue aside, my brother after getting to know her sees what she does to make me happy and now accepts and likes her, the rest of my family loves her too. She has no father figure in her life, Lorraine and my father had a talk last summer about having him dance with her for the Father Daughter dance at our wedding. She really is a part of the family and accepted, so although I see where you're coming from, its not like I was driven away from family blinded by love. They all say that shes perfect for me.

Chris Taylor

Glad to hear it. Then my $.02 cents changes to go and have a face to face, heart to heart talk with her, but be ready to accept what she has to say good or bad. Relationships don't work of you don't talk. Trust me! I hope this works out for you.

Chris