Truer Than True
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Truer Than True
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :
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"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA )
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"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
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"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
Accounting Manager, Electric Boat Company
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
Accounting Manager, Electric Boat Company
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"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
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"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
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"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day.
We've been working on it for months.
Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day.
We've been working on it for months.
Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)
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Quote from the Boss:
"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
Quote from the Boss:
"Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
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My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.
He said,"That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.
He said,"That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
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"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching Supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching Supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Just a plain ole guy
Joined: Jun 2006
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From: Carlos, Texas
That last one reminds me of the last place I worked. They actually had confidential company policies that they wouldn't let anyone see, but they got awfully hacked off when you violated one of them.
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,801
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From: Saskaberia, SK
The place I used to work at created a policy that the cheap digital cameras the field guys were using were too expensive (a picture is worth 1000 words and it was great as a tool for the engineers to see EXACTLY what failed and we had LOTS of failures).
These cameras were worth about $125 to 150 each and we had 30 field guys), so our fearless vice president decreed that everyone should turn in their camera (surplus it so they can write it off) and only the field manager for that area should have one (5 field managers for all of north america). If a field guy needed to take a picture, he was to request the camera be shipped from the field manager to the field guy via fedex overnight ($50.00 each way). What a fiasco that turned out to be, the monthly fedex bill was at least 4 grand each month. That went on for 4 months then permission was given to go buy a $200.00 camera for everyone again.
I could go on and on about that place and the cash it wasted.
These cameras were worth about $125 to 150 each and we had 30 field guys), so our fearless vice president decreed that everyone should turn in their camera (surplus it so they can write it off) and only the field manager for that area should have one (5 field managers for all of north america). If a field guy needed to take a picture, he was to request the camera be shipped from the field manager to the field guy via fedex overnight ($50.00 each way). What a fiasco that turned out to be, the monthly fedex bill was at least 4 grand each month. That went on for 4 months then permission was given to go buy a $200.00 camera for everyone again.
I could go on and on about that place and the cash it wasted.
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Chapter President
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,375
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From: misplaced Idahoan stuck in Albuquerque, Roughneckin on RIG 270
Had a great laugh today from our sales manager. here is a little scoop. we get used cars in all the time from other dealers to get warranty work. they are NOT high priority to us as we are not high priority to them when we bring in cars for them to work on.
ok, have this customer buying a ford edge (used but still under factory warranty), has a couple minor issues and the sales mgr wants us to take it to ford and here is his quote.
"tell the service advisor that this is priority"!
after he said that, all the advisors in our shop started rolling, laughing out loud and the sales mgr was like "what" told him to get out of our shop. too funny
ok, have this customer buying a ford edge (used but still under factory warranty), has a couple minor issues and the sales mgr wants us to take it to ford and here is his quote.
"tell the service advisor that this is priority"!
after he said that, all the advisors in our shop started rolling, laughing out loud and the sales mgr was like "what" told him to get out of our shop. too funny
Administrator / Scooter Bum
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 9,090
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From: Central VA
We've given up dealing with "Priority 1" where I work.
EVERYTHING is a "Priority 1", "Mission Failure", "Work Stoppage" requirement or combinations of the three.
We've had folks want their voice mail password reset (because they can't remember what THEY set it to
) declare they are at Work Stoppage. (they can do NO productive work because their VM is down) 
Now if they want it to be moved nearer the top of the pile, they have to attach a letter from their Commander stating WHY it should be moved ahead of everyone else's "priority".
If it's not there......... back o the rack.
The Good Ol' USAF
EVERYTHING is a "Priority 1", "Mission Failure", "Work Stoppage" requirement or combinations of the three.
We've had folks want their voice mail password reset (because they can't remember what THEY set it to
) declare they are at Work Stoppage. (they can do NO productive work because their VM is down) Now if they want it to be moved nearer the top of the pile, they have to attach a letter from their Commander stating WHY it should be moved ahead of everyone else's "priority".
If it's not there......... back o the rack.
The Good Ol' USAF
Chapter President
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,375
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From: misplaced Idahoan stuck in Albuquerque, Roughneckin on RIG 270
but you have to admit, if someone brought in a box of dunkin donuts, that would pass em up to the front. lol.
food always has its favors in our shop! LOL
food always has its favors in our shop! LOL
DTR's Volcano Monitor, Toilet Smuggler, Taser tester, Meteorite enumerator, Quill counter, Match hoarder, Panic Dance Choreographer, Bet losing shrew murderer
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 965
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From: Kenai Alaska
Good stuff! Even though I am retired I try to read Dilbert every day. http://news.yahoo.com/comics/dilbert
Makes me glad to be away from that stuff.
Makes me glad to be away from that stuff.
'People of Wal-Mart' 2010 finalist
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 456
Likes: 0
From: Oklahoma/Texas
Good stuff! Even though I am retired I try to read Dilbert every day. http://news.yahoo.com/comics/dilbert
Makes me glad to be away from that stuff.
Makes me glad to be away from that stuff.
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