Thoughts To Think About
12-27-2011, 05:39 PM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,624
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Thoughts To Think About
This subject has been studied and reported upon by many researchers and academics. However I found this rendition by someone who is in palliative care, simple and straight forward in its assessments.
Something to consider as we end this year and enter a new one shortly.
Top Five Regrets of The Dying
By Bronnie Ware on November 30, 2011
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called `comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Something to consider as we end this year and enter a new one shortly.
Top Five Regrets of The Dying
By Bronnie Ware on November 30, 2011
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called `comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
12-27-2011, 06:49 PM
#2
Registered User
Something your not telling us?
12-27-2011, 06:54 PM
#3
Top's Younger Twin
Reminds me of what I added to my signature. Thanks for sharing this...it appears to be the commonality of many conversations and my thoughts lately.
Life's too short.
Life's too short.
12-27-2011, 07:47 PM
#5
Proprietor of Fiver's Inn and Hospitality Center
Very interesting article. I almost totally agree with her. I don't often relate what I am going to share, but most of us, even though we have not met, seem to have some interesting connections. So I will share something with you that has been vital in my life.
On November 14, 2000 at about 8 am, I was working in my yard doing some planting. Suddenly an elephant knocked me to the ground and stood on my chest. It hurt so bad and I could hardly breathe - - I also noted my left arm was complete numb. It dawned on me I was in the middle of a major heart attack. Our place was rather large with no close neighbors and I had placed my wife on a plane the morning before - - I was all by myself with no one to help me. When the reality of what was happening fully hit me, I looked up into that beautiful deep blue Florida sky and out loud asked God if we were changing our relationship today. I all ready knew God very well - - we are close friends. But suddenly it dawned on me if something amazing didn't happen our relationship of me down here and Him up there would be changing - - I would be joining Him up there. The second thing that came out loud from my mouth was "how good of a kiss did I lay on my wife at the airport yesterday?" I realized it may have been the last one she would ever receive from me on this earth.
I crawled to the house, called 911, they came and put me in the squad and started for the hospital. On the way, I suddenly realized I was loosing consciousness. I woke up in ER with a doc, the Parameds and about 423 gorgeous nurses around my bed staring at me - - I was laying there stark naked. I asked if someone had a flower they could cover me up with? All laughed and the doc smiled and said something like "that is a relief - - he is back." I did not realize the full impact of that statememt until 3pm that afternoon when the nurse pulled my gown down to check the burn marks on my chest. I had flat lined and been out almost all the way to the hospital. I had no idea I had done this. Suddenly something that had happened completely swept over me on my bed. I realized I had been blest with the most amazing experience one could ever imagine during the time I was out. That is another story, but just let me say it was truly amazing and cemented some beliefs I had held for many years.
The net result of all this is I have come to realize life is short and can come to an abrupt end. I am convinced the most important thing in our life is our relationship with our Creator - -are you ready to meet Him? The next important thing is our relationship with our family - - honor them, cherish them, let them know every day how important they are in your life. My reflection was I had my priorities straight - - my first thought was my relationship with God - - the second with my wife. So, I would add one more comment to this ladies excellent article - - the #1 thing on the list is do you know God? Then, the other things on this list are great. I will say I have found myself much more industriously persuing these priorities since this incident.
Sorry, this was long but I felt compelled to pass this one on.
Bob
On November 14, 2000 at about 8 am, I was working in my yard doing some planting. Suddenly an elephant knocked me to the ground and stood on my chest. It hurt so bad and I could hardly breathe - - I also noted my left arm was complete numb. It dawned on me I was in the middle of a major heart attack. Our place was rather large with no close neighbors and I had placed my wife on a plane the morning before - - I was all by myself with no one to help me. When the reality of what was happening fully hit me, I looked up into that beautiful deep blue Florida sky and out loud asked God if we were changing our relationship today. I all ready knew God very well - - we are close friends. But suddenly it dawned on me if something amazing didn't happen our relationship of me down here and Him up there would be changing - - I would be joining Him up there. The second thing that came out loud from my mouth was "how good of a kiss did I lay on my wife at the airport yesterday?" I realized it may have been the last one she would ever receive from me on this earth.
I crawled to the house, called 911, they came and put me in the squad and started for the hospital. On the way, I suddenly realized I was loosing consciousness. I woke up in ER with a doc, the Parameds and about 423 gorgeous nurses around my bed staring at me - - I was laying there stark naked. I asked if someone had a flower they could cover me up with? All laughed and the doc smiled and said something like "that is a relief - - he is back." I did not realize the full impact of that statememt until 3pm that afternoon when the nurse pulled my gown down to check the burn marks on my chest. I had flat lined and been out almost all the way to the hospital. I had no idea I had done this. Suddenly something that had happened completely swept over me on my bed. I realized I had been blest with the most amazing experience one could ever imagine during the time I was out. That is another story, but just let me say it was truly amazing and cemented some beliefs I had held for many years.
The net result of all this is I have come to realize life is short and can come to an abrupt end. I am convinced the most important thing in our life is our relationship with our Creator - -are you ready to meet Him? The next important thing is our relationship with our family - - honor them, cherish them, let them know every day how important they are in your life. My reflection was I had my priorities straight - - my first thought was my relationship with God - - the second with my wife. So, I would add one more comment to this ladies excellent article - - the #1 thing on the list is do you know God? Then, the other things on this list are great. I will say I have found myself much more industriously persuing these priorities since this incident.
Sorry, this was long but I felt compelled to pass this one on.
Bob
12-27-2011, 07:56 PM
#6
Administrator
My hat is off to you sir. (and between you and me, it's not the first time)
Trending Topics
12-27-2011, 10:05 PM
#8
Administrator/Jarhead
I'll get to Bob's post in a sec, but it is moving enought to mention first.
I feel like I handle three of five pretty good. I work too much, and I don't spend as much time with the kids as I want to. The wife and I spend a lot of time together.
Bob, I did not know that, and it was an awesome story. Not meaning to be crass, but you are older and have experienced more than I have at least two times... I wish I could have your knowledge.
I feel like I handle three of five pretty good. I work too much, and I don't spend as much time with the kids as I want to. The wife and I spend a lot of time together.
Bob, I did not know that, and it was an awesome story. Not meaning to be crass, but you are older and have experienced more than I have at least two times... I wish I could have your knowledge.
, listen to the old guys, there´s a good chance of learning stuff, thanks Bob.
12-28-2011, 09:57 AM
#10
Registered User
As Spooler said "Live every day as though it were your last". That is the story of my life. Born with certain defects I have beaten the odds by 55 years and counting. Then add 2 near fatal car wrecks and getting shot. I guess I don't quite understand the original post because I believe that is the way you should be living your life, necessary compromises included.
12-28-2011, 10:25 AM
#11
Top's Younger Twin
I shared this with Bobby awhile back...
When I was young dumb and drunk/drugged I rolled a truck end for end 7 or 8 times. A farmer was checking his cattle and watched.
I was pinned under the truck and when they got me into the ambulance I flat lined for 7 minutes. During that time I could see the one EMT working on me while the other one came around to the back..I was drifting higher and looked out over the rolling fields of grain and said; "Not right now." Then BANG! There I was in the ER with nurses and doctors all over me. I was crushed...literally on the left side...broken back in 7 places.
Even after a lengthy stay in the ICU and recovery, I still went out and got into more trouble and beat my body more...car wrecks, alcohol damage etc etc.
God has had a plan for me for awhile. I stopped asking what it is and started respecting His Power and my Life with my family.
In the past few years I have learned that I allow too many toxic people places and things in and around me. I always give the benefit of the doubt and Forgive. I have to Forgive and Forget as well as move on with some things or I will stay stuck in that quagmire.
I also learned that I need not put expectations on people places or things.
A friend of mine once told me..."If you want to give God a good laugh...Tell Him your plans."
How true.
When I was young dumb and drunk/drugged I rolled a truck end for end 7 or 8 times. A farmer was checking his cattle and watched.
I was pinned under the truck and when they got me into the ambulance I flat lined for 7 minutes. During that time I could see the one EMT working on me while the other one came around to the back..I was drifting higher and looked out over the rolling fields of grain and said; "Not right now." Then BANG! There I was in the ER with nurses and doctors all over me. I was crushed...literally on the left side...broken back in 7 places.
Even after a lengthy stay in the ICU and recovery, I still went out and got into more trouble and beat my body more...car wrecks, alcohol damage etc etc.
God has had a plan for me for awhile. I stopped asking what it is and started respecting His Power and my Life with my family.
In the past few years I have learned that I allow too many toxic people places and things in and around me. I always give the benefit of the doubt and Forgive. I have to Forgive and Forget as well as move on with some things or I will stay stuck in that quagmire.
I also learned that I need not put expectations on people places or things.
A friend of mine once told me..."If you want to give God a good laugh...Tell Him your plans."
How true.
12-28-2011, 11:13 AM
#12
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,624
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Not at all Cougar,it is just that on occasion I like to think about how very fortunate we are to be able to reside in and be a part of this wonderful country of ours.I also feel that this time of year especially,is a time of individual reflection and thankfulness.
12-28-2011, 12:57 PM
#13
Registered User
Just a bit concerned is all. Had too many people here recently start talking about the "if I had only done this or that" to find out they were in serious health trouble. As far as the rest, each of us have a different point of view I guess.
12-28-2011, 02:38 PM
#14
DTR's Volcano Monitor, Toilet Smuggler, Taser tester, Meteorite enumerator, Quill counter, Match hoarder, Panic Dance Choreographer, Bet losing shrew murderer
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Kenai Alaska
Posts: 965
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Thanks for the food for thought guys.
Maybe if I come back and read your posts once a day it will help me do something worthwhile in the coming year.
Maybe if I come back and read your posts once a day it will help me do something worthwhile in the coming year.
12-28-2011, 03:12 PM
#15
Proprietor of Fiver's Inn and Hospitality Center
Slev, hang around - - there are some very interesting characters that pass thru these doors.
Bob