2012 is just beginning and if this high level of itelligence thread is any indication of what we can expect from the DTR members, then it is going to be long year. However, must admit it is funny.

Maybe something is wrong with me already, 'cuz I actually read the whole thing.

 

Intelligence !???? Intelligence !????
We don't need no stinking intelligence to maintain a thread around here.
All we need is --uh-- where was I going with this.....a little help here please.....

 

Forgot to put the shrew back under your tinfoil hat again didn't you. You know he's your little thought helper (think Ratatouille).

Saw your cold smoked salmon and realized that in addition to shrewskin coats, you might be able to start canning or smoking shrews . . . oh wait, I forgot that you already tried magic shrews and that didn't work. Well, maybe smoking them might give you the desired effect.

 

Nice try but we already know you live in Alaska. Remember????

Nope, nothing wrong with you Stan, you're just fine.....yup, absolutely okie dokie......no problemo......

Are you sure they didn't work?

You were working on your biography. I think you should call it "The book of Bark. A collection of stories I call my life"

 

You didn't read the sign over the door.
It says;

"Inter here and abandon all hope"


Move over mole skin, shrew skin is on way up.
Started some DNA testing to see if I could,,,,,,,

 

Bark,in memory of the scurrilous shrew,

here are your choices....

http://youtu.be/L8aF3MmSDDQ

http://www.dixielandfuneral.com/musi...leLoveCall.mp3

http://www.dixielandfuneral.com/music/WayDownYonder.mp3

 

Don't forget this one.

 

I didnt know the Funeral March was over seven minutes long. Felt like jumping off the roof after the first 30 seconds.
Sam would have liked that 3rd one.

Good thinking but I wonder which end you put in your mouth and which end do you light.

Ummm, this is actually just my vacation home. The DC address is a good one.
Wonder if you would make the news if you actually did mail one.

Wow!! I hadn't heard that EJ song in years. Gonna have to dig that one out.

 

Its late but I just checked my E-mail.
I am building a trap like Lary, cougar and others suggested but I had a question so I fired off an E-mail to our fish and game department.
I asked "How high can a shrew jump"?

Some guy named Tessler fired back an E-mail.
He said:
"Depends on what kind of shews they are wearing".

He apparently doesnt understand how serious things are becoming.
Im going to have to tell him about Sam, hope he can handle it.

 

WTH is fish and game doing in the office at 10:57pm?! I hope he's not getting overtime for his "expert" guidance and counsel

 

Naw, You and I are apparently the only fools up this late. I just don't check my E-mail very often.
Why are we up this late. It cant be cabin fever.
I am too savy to let it affect me. Lack of light, below 0 outside and shrews whispering things like "take off your clothes and run outside" dont bug us hearty Alaskan's.
My wife on the other hand is apparently severly affected by SAD.
She recently (the shrews tell me it was two days ago) locked herself in the bathroom and keeps yelling things like "take your pills you moron"!
Poor gal, she needs to get out more often.

Well, back to watching TV for me. I think Captain Kangaroo comes on soon.

 

Probably, but it would be because of the missing person report.

Yeah, always been a favorite of mine. Back in my less mature days I used that tune for the background music for my Halloween greeting on my answering machine. In my best Boris Karloff "Good evening, you have reached the Davidson estate. I'm sorry, but the master is not in" etc etc etc......

Thanks Bark, that was a great laugh!

 

I hate to disagree with Tessler but that's just not totally accurate. It's more an issue of who is wearing the shrews rather than the kind of shrews are being worn. You put Michael Jackson and myself in the same set of shrews and MJ will jump a lot higher than I can. Now admittedly, MJ may be able to jump higher in some shrews than in others so there is probably a kernel of truth in what Tessler told you but the much larger factor is definitely who's wearing the shrews in question.

Hope that helps with the construction of your trap.

 

http://www.bugspray.com/article/shrews.html

This video shows how to get rid of them cheap and has a cool truck at the end.

 

Statler Brothers - Flowers on the Wall