Relationship advice
DTR Mom
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 347
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From: hills of cali forn ya
HOW to break up with a girl:
"Hey, do you have anything planned this afternoon? i would like to talk about some thoughts I am considering with our relationship.
Blame yourself! or ask her to stop her bad habits here.
I would like to (future goals) and explain what you think is a fair return for your support, money, involvement, etc. of your partner."
here it decision time. ask the other party what they see; what could you do better for them? or time to state 'this is not working out' and the terms of leaving, property, bills, etc. GOOD LUCK! and remember respect.
I was married at 18;that is too soon to figure out who you are. How do you know that? see how you do in a huge problem: financial, relationship, criminal, job, etc. and how you solved it. good measure of maturity and character. honesty with yourself is good, asking friends to see if you are becoming selfish, etc. is great feedback.
married 27 years now, and we still are best friends- some interests shared, respect to go our own way sometimes too. trust, honesty, respect and full communication is what works. stop the stalemate by communication or offering to change /incorporate new ideas or suggestions starting with yourself. hope that helps DTR members here on this thread.
keep in mind, no one has th eperfect life or all the answers.
stay away from drama queens, material girls and possessive (calling you all th e time to see what you are doing) types.
Heidi, seemingly the ONLY girl on DTR
"Hey, do you have anything planned this afternoon? i would like to talk about some thoughts I am considering with our relationship.
Blame yourself! or ask her to stop her bad habits here.
I would like to (future goals) and explain what you think is a fair return for your support, money, involvement, etc. of your partner."
here it decision time. ask the other party what they see; what could you do better for them? or time to state 'this is not working out' and the terms of leaving, property, bills, etc. GOOD LUCK! and remember respect.
I was married at 18;that is too soon to figure out who you are. How do you know that? see how you do in a huge problem: financial, relationship, criminal, job, etc. and how you solved it. good measure of maturity and character. honesty with yourself is good, asking friends to see if you are becoming selfish, etc. is great feedback.
married 27 years now, and we still are best friends- some interests shared, respect to go our own way sometimes too. trust, honesty, respect and full communication is what works. stop the stalemate by communication or offering to change /incorporate new ideas or suggestions starting with yourself. hope that helps DTR members here on this thread.
keep in mind, no one has th eperfect life or all the answers.
stay away from drama queens, material girls and possessive (calling you all th e time to see what you are doing) types.
Heidi, seemingly the ONLY girl on DTR
Registered User
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 53
Likes: 0
From: Fort McMurray, Alberta (Misplaced 'Merican from WA)
Well, if we're beating this horse, I'm getting my kicks in too:
You will never find the right woman until you know who you are.
You will never know who you are until you have lived and become a complete person LIVING ON YOUR OWN.
Go through as many women as you want, but do it with honesty and integrity. Be brutally honest (with her and yourself) about what you can and can't provide and what you expect. If you are going to be in a relationship, be in one at a time. That means finishing one and figuring out what went right and wrong before you jump into the next one. If you don't, you will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes for years and you will never be happy.
Mostly, I'd say live your life and live it honestly.
and that's all I got to say about that...
You will never find the right woman until you know who you are.
You will never know who you are until you have lived and become a complete person LIVING ON YOUR OWN.
Go through as many women as you want, but do it with honesty and integrity. Be brutally honest (with her and yourself) about what you can and can't provide and what you expect. If you are going to be in a relationship, be in one at a time. That means finishing one and figuring out what went right and wrong before you jump into the next one. If you don't, you will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes for years and you will never be happy.
Mostly, I'd say live your life and live it honestly.
and that's all I got to say about that...
Administrator
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,331
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From: Kalamazoo, Michigan
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 0
Likes: 0
New Here
I am new here, but have to have a bite out of this apple...
Who am I, I am a married guy, to my best friend, for 26 years. All of the kids are grown and gone and our relationship is better than ever before.
Was it always this way? Of course not. We have had rocky times when divorce seemed imminent, but I am not a quiter.
Back ground, I am a licensed Private Investigator and Bail Bondsman, so I work all hours, and I see the worst in everyone and can become very cynical too easily. I trust nobody, and have seen people due pretty cruddy stuff to each other and caught it on tape. I was very good at it. Why was? My wife asked me to stop doing domestic cases because it was negatively effecting our relationship, so I did.
Advice from what I have learned: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Keep God first in everything that you do, un-apologetically. Revel in your spouse's success and help her to grow to be a proud, confident and independent woman. Will this test your confidence? Absolutely, but how you handle it will close the deal for good, either way! Stay away from game players and manipulative people. They live for the game, the chaos and the drama, and if it is not present, they will create it, as they need it. Get over looks, conceit, deceit and all of the negatives, and do not tolerate it from others. Life will be much easier.
No charge for the couch...lol
Scott
Who am I, I am a married guy, to my best friend, for 26 years. All of the kids are grown and gone and our relationship is better than ever before.
Was it always this way? Of course not. We have had rocky times when divorce seemed imminent, but I am not a quiter.
Back ground, I am a licensed Private Investigator and Bail Bondsman, so I work all hours, and I see the worst in everyone and can become very cynical too easily. I trust nobody, and have seen people due pretty cruddy stuff to each other and caught it on tape. I was very good at it. Why was? My wife asked me to stop doing domestic cases because it was negatively effecting our relationship, so I did.
Advice from what I have learned: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Keep God first in everything that you do, un-apologetically. Revel in your spouse's success and help her to grow to be a proud, confident and independent woman. Will this test your confidence? Absolutely, but how you handle it will close the deal for good, either way! Stay away from game players and manipulative people. They live for the game, the chaos and the drama, and if it is not present, they will create it, as they need it. Get over looks, conceit, deceit and all of the negatives, and do not tolerate it from others. Life will be much easier.
No charge for the couch...lol
Scott
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 296
Likes: 0
From: The Republic of Texas !!
Advice from what I have learned: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Keep God first in everything that you do, un-apologetically. Revel in your spouse's success and help her to grow to be a proud, confident and independent woman. Will this test your confidence? Absolutely, but how you handle it will close the deal for good, either way! Stay away from game players and manipulative people. They live for the game, the chaos and the drama, and if it is not present, they will create it, as they need it. Get over looks, conceit, deceit and all of the negatives, and do not tolerate it from others. Life will be much easier.
Scott
Scott
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 277
Likes: 0
From: Delta Jct Alaska
Banned
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 376
Likes: 0
From: Staten Island, NY
I am new here, but have to have a bite out of this apple...
Who am I, I am a married guy, to my best friend, for 26 years. All of the kids are grown and gone and our relationship is better than ever before.
Was it always this way? Of course not. We have had rocky times when divorce seemed imminent, but I am not a quiter.
Back ground, I am a licensed Private Investigator and Bail Bondsman, so I work all hours, and I see the worst in everyone and can become very cynical too easily. I trust nobody, and have seen people due pretty cruddy stuff to each other and caught it on tape. I was very good at it. Why was? My wife asked me to stop doing domestic cases because it was negatively effecting our relationship, so I did.
Advice from what I have learned: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Keep God first in everything that you do, un-apologetically. Revel in your spouse's success and help her to grow to be a proud, confident and independent woman. Will this test your confidence? Absolutely, but how you handle it will close the deal for good, either way! Stay away from game players and manipulative people. They live for the game, the chaos and the drama, and if it is not present, they will create it, as they need it. Get over looks, conceit, deceit and all of the negatives, and do not tolerate it from others. Life will be much easier.
No charge for the couch...lol
Scott
Who am I, I am a married guy, to my best friend, for 26 years. All of the kids are grown and gone and our relationship is better than ever before.
Was it always this way? Of course not. We have had rocky times when divorce seemed imminent, but I am not a quiter.
Back ground, I am a licensed Private Investigator and Bail Bondsman, so I work all hours, and I see the worst in everyone and can become very cynical too easily. I trust nobody, and have seen people due pretty cruddy stuff to each other and caught it on tape. I was very good at it. Why was? My wife asked me to stop doing domestic cases because it was negatively effecting our relationship, so I did.
Advice from what I have learned: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Keep God first in everything that you do, un-apologetically. Revel in your spouse's success and help her to grow to be a proud, confident and independent woman. Will this test your confidence? Absolutely, but how you handle it will close the deal for good, either way! Stay away from game players and manipulative people. They live for the game, the chaos and the drama, and if it is not present, they will create it, as they need it. Get over looks, conceit, deceit and all of the negatives, and do not tolerate it from others. Life will be much easier.
No charge for the couch...lol
Scott
DTR's Night Watchman & Poet Laureate
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,156
Likes: 1
From: Lyndon KS
I won't tell you what direction to go in, but one of the things I regret from years gone by was not being a man and breaking it off with a chick the 'right' way... Stand up and take the beating like a grown person if you decide to end it. Look her in the eye and tell the truth. If she goes nuts and won't listen, at least you tried.
Oh, yeah, stuff being the same all the time day in and out... that's marriage with kids... don't get me wrong, I have a great wife, but it's a routine. Welcome to the show...
hth.
mad
Oh, yeah, stuff being the same all the time day in and out... that's marriage with kids... don't get me wrong, I have a great wife, but it's a routine. Welcome to the show...
hth.
mad
Well this is gonna be a long read .....
I'm going to use your own words against you. I don't mean to be rough, but sometimes the truth hurts because it will cut to the root of the problem and you'll see it without your blinders on. I want you to weigh the pro's and con's and make you decide for yourself using what you written.
You need to follow the "10 and 2" rule. Take them home after 10, get yourself a cab by 2. Never bring them to your house for a booty call, hence getting yourself a cab ride home or back to your vehicle. You're too young to be tied down with just one, and variety at your age is almost manditory. These are the years were you find what you what in a partner (physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, etc.) so you don't end up looking for greener pastures in 10 years or less. Kinda like right now, huh?
So basically you both got comfortable with each other and the relationship has become stagnant. It happens. It's worse when you have nothing in common. Is there a reason why you two hooked up in the first place? There had to be some kind of attraction in the first place otherwise you wouldn't be together, right? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you REALLY did try to get her interested in things you like, and you REALLY tried to have an interest in things she likes? If you can, then the relationship is failing because she hasn't put anything into it .... and if this is true, this gives you an idea about her feelings for you since your relationship isn't important enough to maintain it.
Or this just might be a relationship based on convenience. It's convenient because she's prolly doing the laundry and making dinner. It's convenient because you don't have to come home to an empty house. Is this a rental or do you own? If its a rental, is she on the lease with you? Or is this her place, either renting or owning, and it's convenient for you because you just toss in a few bucks each month for rent/food/utilities? Perhaps its just convenient for you both ....
Or you have a confidence problem. Did you find "Ms. Right Now" and settle for her instead of being out in the cold dark world of being single and playing the field?
Well now .... you haven't played the field and its come to find you.
So what DO you have in the way of a relationship with the current girl? You're only 23 years old. Did you really see yourself growing old with this girl? Keep in mind I'm gonna be 37 next spring, so when I call you two kids its not negative. I know there are "more mature" gents on here than I (I'm not getting old, I'm just maturing) but you have to realize that 23 years ago I was working on my driver's license and chasing skirts. I have CD's older than you. Being young is not a bad thing, but you two are still kids and you both are still in that age of finding out who YOU are as a person, what YOU like/don't like, and you need time to do this. Playing the field is part of finding yourself.
Now there is a flip side to this that you haven't even seen. Girl #2 sees you, your place, your truck, how well you're doing, and might want to move in on this. Understand that I'm not saying she's a bad person, but there are women out there like this. Because you haven't played the field you've not gotten a chance to experience this bad part about relationships. There is always a flip side, and you need to experience it. You can't know love without some heartbreak.
Kris
I'm going to use your own words against you. I don't mean to be rough, but sometimes the truth hurts because it will cut to the root of the problem and you'll see it without your blinders on. I want you to weigh the pro's and con's and make you decide for yourself using what you written.
You need to follow the "10 and 2" rule. Take them home after 10, get yourself a cab by 2. Never bring them to your house for a booty call, hence getting yourself a cab ride home or back to your vehicle. You're too young to be tied down with just one, and variety at your age is almost manditory. These are the years were you find what you what in a partner (physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, etc.) so you don't end up looking for greener pastures in 10 years or less. Kinda like right now, huh?
So basically you both got comfortable with each other and the relationship has become stagnant. It happens. It's worse when you have nothing in common. Is there a reason why you two hooked up in the first place? There had to be some kind of attraction in the first place otherwise you wouldn't be together, right? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you REALLY did try to get her interested in things you like, and you REALLY tried to have an interest in things she likes? If you can, then the relationship is failing because she hasn't put anything into it .... and if this is true, this gives you an idea about her feelings for you since your relationship isn't important enough to maintain it.
Or this just might be a relationship based on convenience. It's convenient because she's prolly doing the laundry and making dinner. It's convenient because you don't have to come home to an empty house. Is this a rental or do you own? If its a rental, is she on the lease with you? Or is this her place, either renting or owning, and it's convenient for you because you just toss in a few bucks each month for rent/food/utilities? Perhaps its just convenient for you both ....
Or you have a confidence problem. Did you find "Ms. Right Now" and settle for her instead of being out in the cold dark world of being single and playing the field?
Well now .... you haven't played the field and its come to find you.
So what DO you have in the way of a relationship with the current girl? You're only 23 years old. Did you really see yourself growing old with this girl? Keep in mind I'm gonna be 37 next spring, so when I call you two kids its not negative. I know there are "more mature" gents on here than I (I'm not getting old, I'm just maturing) but you have to realize that 23 years ago I was working on my driver's license and chasing skirts. I have CD's older than you. Being young is not a bad thing, but you two are still kids and you both are still in that age of finding out who YOU are as a person, what YOU like/don't like, and you need time to do this. Playing the field is part of finding yourself.
Now there is a flip side to this that you haven't even seen. Girl #2 sees you, your place, your truck, how well you're doing, and might want to move in on this. Understand that I'm not saying she's a bad person, but there are women out there like this. Because you haven't played the field you've not gotten a chance to experience this bad part about relationships. There is always a flip side, and you need to experience it. You can't know love without some heartbreak.
Kris
47 years old, twice divorced, kids by 3 different women.. all before I was 35...
I didnt even START maturing until I was in my 30's..but, looking back on the mistakes I made, the guys I quote above hit it right on the head..
Particularly Kris with hsi advise about making an honest assesment of WHY your in the relationship you are in..
23 is awfully young.. take your time, be a responsible man while looking, but look enough to find THE ONE before worrying about the live/together/lifetime stuff... youll look back and be glad you did.
Registered User
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,607
Likes: 1
From: Gilbert, Az
My story: I took my time. I can count the number of girlfriends on 2 hands! I had a psycho woman, dingbat, and a few that just didn't know what they wanted or where they wanted to go.
And, in the end, I got LUCKY! We've been married just shy of 9 years, 2 kids (3yr and 4 mos) and haven't regretted a minute of it. There are tough times, like now, where I had to take a job out of town, after I got laid off from a 15yr position.
She lets me fish, work in the garage, get stuff done around the house, work on the truck and cars as needed. She likes camping, but can't stand fishing. She loves to shop; I can't stand it! I can't complain; it's just enough similarities and differences that allow us space!
My advice: Find a woman that enjoys some or most of what you do, but has enough different interests for some variety. And, don't get hung up on appearance. My early years, I only looked at the very pretty girls and probably lost several good opportunities. Overall, find someone you are happy with. Happiness has MANY different metrics; love, respect, money, material, and so on.
HTH, and give it a LOT of thought and talk it out with your closest friends.
Tony
And, in the end, I got LUCKY! We've been married just shy of 9 years, 2 kids (3yr and 4 mos) and haven't regretted a minute of it. There are tough times, like now, where I had to take a job out of town, after I got laid off from a 15yr position.
She lets me fish, work in the garage, get stuff done around the house, work on the truck and cars as needed. She likes camping, but can't stand fishing. She loves to shop; I can't stand it! I can't complain; it's just enough similarities and differences that allow us space!
My advice: Find a woman that enjoys some or most of what you do, but has enough different interests for some variety. And, don't get hung up on appearance. My early years, I only looked at the very pretty girls and probably lost several good opportunities. Overall, find someone you are happy with. Happiness has MANY different metrics; love, respect, money, material, and so on.
HTH, and give it a LOT of thought and talk it out with your closest friends.
Tony
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