OH yeah Tyler.......Colorado's Driving Laws
Thread Starter
Banned
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,340
Likes: 0
OH yeah Tyler.......Colorado's Driving Laws
Well in light of Mr. Big Blue's post on traffic laws.....I thought I'd be nice and share Colorado's! So here you go enjoy!!
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "den-ver" not
Denvah.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
(Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies driving
anything have right of way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know Colfax and Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the beginning and the End.
4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same goes for Hampden Ave, Highway 285.
7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real direction of certain streets such as Speer Blvd.
8. Highway 287 runs north, south, east and west and every direction in between; it can be found in every section of the Denver area to make navigating interesting.
9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off or falls from
something.
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways -- I-25, I-76, I-225, US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference is some drivers are armed and irritable!
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe hazardous to your health)
15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70 in a 55-65 zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after Memorial Day.
18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the "Turnpike." No other highway is called the Turnpike. If someone refers to another highway as a Turnpike, tell them to go back to the East.
19. If someone refers to a highway with the article "the," as in, "The 25" tell them to go back to California.
20. A red light means four more cars can go through. Not three, not five. Four.
21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and runs north and south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major route on the south end of town, but the two never meet.
22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that run parallel. Geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect south of C-470.
23. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and then move slowly until there are no more cones. There need not be construction, only cones.
24. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in the median on C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe Drive no less often than once every other business day.
25. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a straight line from I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut, especially at rush hour. Same goes for University, which changes names three times anyway.
26. Merging rules:
(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow anyone, in any way, to get in front of you. No more than one car length must be between you and the one in front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other people.
If traffic is merging into one lane, then you better make dang sure you hug the back bumper of the car in front of you, because you can't let anyone "cut in line."
(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the acceleration lane entirely and move directly into traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of the fact that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht" or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.
(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even if you stay in the "acceleration lane."
(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will get out of your way. You don't even need to signal that you are moving to the next lane over. Just drive to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that counts.
27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is like an appendix, it once had a purpose, but nobody can remember what it was.
28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that all traffic laws are void. Stop signs, red lights, etc. are mere decoration if it is snowing.
29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as they want no matter what the road conditions are; doubly so if the driver is talking on a cell phone at the same time.
30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like most suburbs, they have only four actual street names, and then differentiate them with street types like Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Deadend, Way, Path, Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there are double solid white lines at some intersections. Crossing the lines will get you a ticket in Highlands Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL get you a ticket.
31. Just because a street on the east side of town has the same name as a street on the west side, does not mean you can drive on that one street to get from Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda, Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.
32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim for the right shoulder, as many times additional lanes will spring up fully formed between you and the ramp you want. This is especially true at DIA when you are heading toward the East terminal.
33. When you have finished changing lanes on either I-70 or I-25, hit the brakes.
34. When giving directions, be no more specific than "Near the intersection of. ." If you are half a mile away from the intersection, that's fine. Always give directions with reference to the mountains, i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving directions at night or downtown where you can't see the mountains.
35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic jam on I-25 around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25 on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver as a bustling city of industry.
36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270. You do not want to know. If small children ask what the smell is as you go past the dog food factory on I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's just photosynthesis."
37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other activities downtown; if you find a close parking space, treasure it like gold.
38. You can head west and turn north while taking the exit from southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You can drive southeastbound on the Northwest Parkway. The sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden westbound reads "South." This is why Denver directions are "out," "up," "in," "down" and sometimes "over."
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "den-ver" not
Denvah.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Denver has its own version of traffic rules...the cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
(Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or cranberry-haired ladies driving
anything have right of way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you know Colfax and Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the beginning and the End.
4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy" are the same road. Same goes for Hampden Ave, Highway 285.
7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real direction of certain streets such as Speer Blvd.
8. Highway 287 runs north, south, east and west and every direction in between; it can be found in every section of the Denver area to make navigating interesting.
9. Construction is a permanent fixture in Denver. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting.
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your vehicle is recommended for city driving. Lots of "stuff" falls off or falls from
something.
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways -- I-25, I-76, I-225, US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference is some drivers are armed and irritable!
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe hazardous to your health)
15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70 in a 55-65 zone...you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after Memorial Day.
18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the "Turnpike." No other highway is called the Turnpike. If someone refers to another highway as a Turnpike, tell them to go back to the East.
19. If someone refers to a highway with the article "the," as in, "The 25" tell them to go back to California.
20. A red light means four more cars can go through. Not three, not five. Four.
21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and runs north and south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major route on the south end of town, but the two never meet.
22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that run parallel. Geometry not working in the suburbs, these streets intersect south of C-470.
23. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and then move slowly until there are no more cones. There need not be construction, only cones.
24. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in the median on C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe Drive no less often than once every other business day.
25. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a straight line from I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut, especially at rush hour. Same goes for University, which changes names three times anyway.
26. Merging rules:
(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow anyone, in any way, to get in front of you. No more than one car length must be between you and the one in front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other people.
If traffic is merging into one lane, then you better make dang sure you hug the back bumper of the car in front of you, because you can't let anyone "cut in line."
(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the acceleration lane entirely and move directly into traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of the fact that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht" or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.
(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even if you stay in the "acceleration lane."
(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will get out of your way. You don't even need to signal that you are moving to the next lane over. Just drive to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that counts.
27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is like an appendix, it once had a purpose, but nobody can remember what it was.
28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that all traffic laws are void. Stop signs, red lights, etc. are mere decoration if it is snowing.
29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as they want no matter what the road conditions are; doubly so if the driver is talking on a cell phone at the same time.
30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like most suburbs, they have only four actual street names, and then differentiate them with street types like Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Deadend, Way, Path, Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there are double solid white lines at some intersections. Crossing the lines will get you a ticket in Highlands Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL get you a ticket.
31. Just because a street on the east side of town has the same name as a street on the west side, does not mean you can drive on that one street to get from Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda, Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.
32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim for the right shoulder, as many times additional lanes will spring up fully formed between you and the ramp you want. This is especially true at DIA when you are heading toward the East terminal.
33. When you have finished changing lanes on either I-70 or I-25, hit the brakes.
34. When giving directions, be no more specific than "Near the intersection of. ." If you are half a mile away from the intersection, that's fine. Always give directions with reference to the mountains, i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving directions at night or downtown where you can't see the mountains.
35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic jam on I-25 around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25 on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver as a bustling city of industry.
36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270. You do not want to know. If small children ask what the smell is as you go past the dog food factory on I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's just photosynthesis."
37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other activities downtown; if you find a close parking space, treasure it like gold.
38. You can head west and turn north while taking the exit from southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You can drive southeastbound on the Northwest Parkway. The sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden westbound reads "South." This is why Denver directions are "out," "up," "in," "down" and sometimes "over."
Thats MR Hoss to you buddy!
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,759
Likes: 3
From: Central Texas
Rules of Austin, Texas
I guess I'll play too...
1. First, it’s pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn’t matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has its own set of traffic rules. There’s no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with “Go down Mopac…’cause you don’t want to get on I-35.” No one knows for sure what ‘Mopac’ means.
4. Burnet Road, Braker Lane, and Lamar Blvd. have no beginning and no end.
5. It is impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a scenic drive.
6. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30p to 7:15pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning (just like every other city in the nation apparently).
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Austin. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a burnt-orange hue. This is Longhorn Country, after all. [Hiiiiiiiissssssss....]
8. If you like being an individual, don’t even think of working for Dell. You’ll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your Dell Tag around your neck or clipped on to your belt loop. Ninety-eight percent of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell. When someone says “Michael Dell”, Dell employees are trained to face Round Rock, hit their knees, put their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth.
9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1; Capital of Texas Hwy IS 360; and U.S.183 IS Research Blvd., Anderson Lane, Ed Bluestein Blvd. and Old Bastrop Hwy; 2222 IS Northland Dr. or Allendale Rd. or Koenig Lane. Don’t try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. If moisture is determined to be rain, and not sweat, all traffic must immediately come to a screeching halt; ditto for daylight savings time, a female UT student applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.
11. DO NOT attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow or SXSW (South by Southwest Music Convention). Construction on I-35 AND U.S. 183 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!
12. Attn: All telephone solicitors…DO NOT correct my pronunciation when I say I live in Manchaca, TX. It’s pronounced MAN-shack (just like a man living in shack). Also realize that the city of Manchaca (MANshack) is in Hays and Travis Counties, and there is also a very long street in Austin named Manchaca (MANshack)! The city of Manor and Manor Rd. are pronounced ‘MAY-ner’. We don’t like corrections on that either. And, for Pete’s sake, DON’T pronounce the ‘E’ at the end of Guadalupe. It’s Gwada-LOOP and we like it that way!
13. Burnet Road is pronounced BURN-it, not Bur-NET. Koenig Lane is pronounced KAE-nig not KOE-nig. The old airport (Robert Mueller) is pronounced Robert Miller and is on Airport Boulevard. The new airport (Austin-Bergstrom) is no where near Airport Boulevard. It’s in the city of Del Valle pronounced Dell Valley!
14. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed ‘hippie’ in worn-out sandals and earrings is probably the latest IPO millionaire around here.
15. Stay away from the Congress Ave. bridge at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. (Largest Mexican Free Tail Bat Population in the US)
16. And, yes, we all know that there’s a man in a teddy and a tiara on Congress Ave. It’s Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do (Surely, you have a homeless, celebrity drag queen that likes to run for Mayor where you live, too, right?).
And you wonder why there are so many bumper stickers that say ‘Keep Austin Weird’!
1. First, it’s pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn’t matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has its own set of traffic rules. There’s no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with “Go down Mopac…’cause you don’t want to get on I-35.” No one knows for sure what ‘Mopac’ means.
4. Burnet Road, Braker Lane, and Lamar Blvd. have no beginning and no end.
5. It is impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a scenic drive.
6. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30p to 7:15pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning (just like every other city in the nation apparently).
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Austin. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a burnt-orange hue. This is Longhorn Country, after all. [Hiiiiiiiissssssss....]
8. If you like being an individual, don’t even think of working for Dell. You’ll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your Dell Tag around your neck or clipped on to your belt loop. Ninety-eight percent of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell. When someone says “Michael Dell”, Dell employees are trained to face Round Rock, hit their knees, put their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth.
9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1; Capital of Texas Hwy IS 360; and U.S.183 IS Research Blvd., Anderson Lane, Ed Bluestein Blvd. and Old Bastrop Hwy; 2222 IS Northland Dr. or Allendale Rd. or Koenig Lane. Don’t try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. If moisture is determined to be rain, and not sweat, all traffic must immediately come to a screeching halt; ditto for daylight savings time, a female UT student applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.
11. DO NOT attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow or SXSW (South by Southwest Music Convention). Construction on I-35 AND U.S. 183 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!
12. Attn: All telephone solicitors…DO NOT correct my pronunciation when I say I live in Manchaca, TX. It’s pronounced MAN-shack (just like a man living in shack). Also realize that the city of Manchaca (MANshack) is in Hays and Travis Counties, and there is also a very long street in Austin named Manchaca (MANshack)! The city of Manor and Manor Rd. are pronounced ‘MAY-ner’. We don’t like corrections on that either. And, for Pete’s sake, DON’T pronounce the ‘E’ at the end of Guadalupe. It’s Gwada-LOOP and we like it that way!
13. Burnet Road is pronounced BURN-it, not Bur-NET. Koenig Lane is pronounced KAE-nig not KOE-nig. The old airport (Robert Mueller) is pronounced Robert Miller and is on Airport Boulevard. The new airport (Austin-Bergstrom) is no where near Airport Boulevard. It’s in the city of Del Valle pronounced Dell Valley!
14. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed ‘hippie’ in worn-out sandals and earrings is probably the latest IPO millionaire around here.
15. Stay away from the Congress Ave. bridge at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. (Largest Mexican Free Tail Bat Population in the US)
16. And, yes, we all know that there’s a man in a teddy and a tiara on Congress Ave. It’s Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do (Surely, you have a homeless, celebrity drag queen that likes to run for Mayor where you live, too, right?).
And you wonder why there are so many bumper stickers that say ‘Keep Austin Weird’!
Registered User
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 57
Likes: 0
From: Colorado
[QUOTE=Gotlift01;1181295]Well in light of Mr. Big Blue's post on traffic laws.....I thought I'd be nice and share Colorado's! So here you go enjoy!!
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
You forgot to mention elk
10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
You forgot to mention elk
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,668
Likes: 0
From: SunnyVale Trailer Park
I will agree that driving in colorado was "interesting" expecialy the first day i was there , the 4th of July , so everyone was out and about.
I took this picture from my hotel room at about 2 in the afternoon , i didn't know roads could be made that wide...
I took this picture from my hotel room at about 2 in the afternoon , i didn't know roads could be made that wide...
Trending Topics
Registered User
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 270
Likes: 0
From: Denver Co.
I would like to add one to the Colorado rules
Don't assume that because you drive a large noisy truck that anyone sees you. I was driving a Wells Fargo armored truck (big, red, noisy International) and was stopped at a light on Colorado by the Zoo (three lanes there I was in the left lane), we pulled away from the light, the girl in the next lane changed lanes right into me about a half block down the road
actually push me up onto the median 
how do you not see the big red truck?? then there was the time downtown when I was riding shotgun and the driver accidental discharged his pistol while screwing around, wasn't too long after that I left the armored car biz
/if you think you get cut off a lot in Denver don't go to Salt Lake City
Don't assume that because you drive a large noisy truck that anyone sees you. I was driving a Wells Fargo armored truck (big, red, noisy International) and was stopped at a light on Colorado by the Zoo (three lanes there I was in the left lane), we pulled away from the light, the girl in the next lane changed lanes right into me about a half block down the road
actually push me up onto the median how do you not see the big red truck?? then there was the time downtown when I was riding shotgun and the driver accidental discharged his pistol while screwing around, wasn't too long after that I left the armored car biz/if you think you get cut off a lot in Denver don't go to Salt Lake City
Thread Starter
Banned
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,340
Likes: 0
Man have you guys been through the south end of Denver recently?? They did that huge T-REX project and added more lanes down there. Actually helped traffic a lot.......but it still sucks driving down there everyday!!!
It's funny when I go to Nebraska to visit my family, the widest road you have back there is 4 lane......and that's pretty rare around there parts. Every road back there is either 2 lane or dirt!!
And old farmers driving 25mph in a 55mph IE....MY GRANDPA!!! ~Nick
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
vctowpig
Natl. and Regional Chapters / Special Events
3
Oct 23, 2005 10:38 PM
