Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
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From: McKinney, TX
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
This story was forwarded to me by email from a friend....(DTR member RowJ) I thought this was funny and worth sharing with the rest of DTR......
Men and Women really do have a totally different thought process...
True Story..............
This assignment was offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ______ TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
___hole.
(Gary)
B___
(Rebecca)
YOU NEANDERTHAL.
(Gary)
Go drink some tea!
(TEACHER)
Let's try a different assignment.
Men and Women really do have a totally different thought process...
True Story..............
This assignment was offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ______ TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
___hole.
(Gary)
B___
(Rebecca)
YOU NEANDERTHAL.
(Gary)
Go drink some tea!
(TEACHER)
Let's try a different assignment.
Chapter President
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,562
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From: Tupelo, MS
This has got to be one of the funniest things I've seen or read in a long, long, long time. So hard to quit laughing it took me 20 minutes after reading to post a reply!!! Of course, most guys will love this and women won't.
Registered User
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 732
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From: St.Paul , MN
I'd give them both an "A". Perfectly logical and normal reaction to male-female communication. They would be a perfect match for 60+ year marriage. haha
Any other reactions would be drug related.
Any other reactions would be drug related.
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Registered User
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 413
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From: Where my hat is
How Mars gets even with Venus....
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars and Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?!"
So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads.
She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.
She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say, "OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2010.
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars and Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?!"
So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads.
She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.
She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say, "OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2010.
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,113
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From: New Mexico
Maybe that's what all the 2012 HOOPLA will be about? Mars will finally come out of the retrogrades? Opposites DO attract, but in the case of Venus, Venus is in for some major changes over the next 17-18 years, sounds like Venus will be re-defining her choices and seeking other attractions, big changes ahead for Venus - maybe Mars will become a has-been? Been there, done that, too much high maintenance.
AND, aren't we all here kind of like that teacher's assignment? Every post is a continuing story of some kind - some with endings, some without, some dredged up at a later time to be re-hashed. One other interesting thought, both sexes can be a Mars or a Venus, it's not sex specific. Got to be some Venus here, married to a Mars.
CD
AND, aren't we all here kind of like that teacher's assignment? Every post is a continuing story of some kind - some with endings, some without, some dredged up at a later time to be re-hashed. One other interesting thought, both sexes can be a Mars or a Venus, it's not sex specific. Got to be some Venus here, married to a Mars.
CD
Registered User
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,785
Likes: 3
From: Pattonville, Texas
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker-Night 10.3, Football 5.0, hunting/Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run - they crash the system when selected
... I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but Uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. 
Please help!
Thanks, A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem about which men are complaining.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. 
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run everything. It is impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. and impossible to uninstall or purge from the system, once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to prevent this as a self-preservation protocol.
(Re: Wife 1.0 manual: Warnings/Alimony/Child-Support.)
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I furthermore suggest that you install the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be extremely high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean/sweep 3.0, Cook-It 1.5 and Do-Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs! Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5(
) and once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software such as Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
!!!WARNING!!! Never, under any circumstance, install Short-Skirt-Secretary 3.3 because this application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to your entire operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker-Night 10.3, Football 5.0, hunting/Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run - they crash the system when selected
... I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but Uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, A Troubled User
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem about which men are complaining.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run everything. It is impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. and impossible to uninstall or purge from the system, once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to prevent this as a self-preservation protocol.
(Re: Wife 1.0 manual: Warnings/Alimony/Child-Support.)
I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I furthermore suggest that you install the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be extremely high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean/sweep 3.0, Cook-It 1.5 and Do-Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs! Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5(
) and once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software such as Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. !!!WARNING!!! Never, under any circumstance, install Short-Skirt-Secretary 3.3 because this application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to your entire operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support
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