A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his<br> roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure<br> enough, there's an ad for &quot;Gorilla Removers.&quot; He<br> calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll<br> be over in 30 minutes.<br><br> The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van.<br> He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a<br> mean old pit bull.<br><br> &quot;What are you going to do&quot;, the homeowner asks? &quot;I'm<br> going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm<br> going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the<br> roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls<br> off, the pit bull is trained to grab his ********* and<br> not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough<br> for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.&quot;<br><br> He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.<br> &quot;What's the shotgun for?&quot; asks the homeowner.<br><br> &quot;If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!&quot;<br> <br>;D ;D ;D ;D

 

 

That's disgusting. Where is Jack at?

 

 

We have a K-9 here that will do that I hate that dog, and I dont think he likes anyone but his handler

 

Stop it! My sides are hurtin'. :'(

 

This is a good one ;D<br><br><br>&quot;The Top 15 Events in the Taliban Olympics&quot;<br><br>15. The Long-Distance Bite-Off-More-Than-You-Can-Chew <br><br>14. The Four-Man Bomb Sled <br><br>13. Synchronized Surrendering <br><br>12. Jalalabadminton <br><br>11. Women's 4x200 Avoid-Drowning-in-the-Burqa Relay <br><br>10. Decapitathlon <br><br>9. Women's Downhill-From-Here Flogging <br><br>8. Sprint into the Dark Ages <br><br>7. Buddha Statue Marksmanship <br><br>6. Women's Don't-Show-Your-Figure Skating <br><br>5. Tora Bora Cave Whack-a-Mole <br><br>4. Regardless of the event, the Russian judge will still cheat <br><br>3. Mixed Pairs Minefield Dancing (Men only) <br><br>2. Goat Vaulting <br><br>1. The 600-Yard Bowel-Evacuating Daisy-Cutter Dash<br><br>

 

A man goes into a bar<br> on the bar was a jar stuffed full of 5 dollar bills<br> over in the corner stood a horse<br> man asked the bartender, whats with the horse?<br> bartender says put 5 dollars in the jar and if you can make the horse laugh you get all the money in the jar.<br> Man says I'll give it ago, walks over to the horse and whispers in its ear, the horse starts cracking up <br> Man collects the money and leaves.<br> A few months later he stops by again<br> the jar is full again and horse is in the corner <br> man asks whats the deal ?<br> bartender says put 5 dollars in the jar and if you can make the horse cry the moneys yours.<br> Man says I'll give it ago<br> goes over to the horse and ask the bartender, do you mind if I take him outside for a minute?<br> bartender says ok <br> a couple minutes the guy brings the horse back in crying its eyes out<br> guy collects the money to leave, bartender says can I just ask you one question before you go?<br> Man says sure what is it?<br> bartender says there have been hundreds of guys try to get the horse to laugh and cry and your the only one to get it to do both, what did you whisper to the horse?<br> Man says to get it to laugh, I told it ( my you know what was bigger than his).<br> And to get it to cry I had to take him outside and show him.

 

I sorta figured where that one was going right away.

 

Oldie but goodie. ;D ;D