I need yall's help. I've got an 18 year old sister that I'm afraid is on a very dark road that will land her in either jail or the morgue. She lies about where she goes, what she does, who she's with, everything. Like this past weekend. She said she was coming up here to College Station to go dancing (I was back home) but instead she drove to Seguin and got drunk. She tries to blame the smoke smell in her car on other people(I know for a fact it's her). Stuff like that. She treats my entire family like dirt no matter how nice we are to her. She goes to college in august and frankly I'm scared to death for her. I've tried to talk to her and I've tried to tell my parents everything but she wrote me off a long time ago and my parents think that I'm just trying to get her in trouble since I'm her big brother. What can I do? I really appreciate yall's help. I just don't want her to have to go down the same road I've been down. Thanks yall.

 

Aint got no good advice for you here, don't think there is any good answer for these problems. But you gotta keep in mind the more you push the more she will push back and you can't help somebody that don't want help. When she's ready just make sure your there for her. Until then just be available, we all went through our wild times and look back years later and think why did I do that.

 

Let her do what she wants. Just make sure she knows that if she messes up she can't come crying back to you. Then if she does mess up write her off. If she doesn't care what happens why should you? She's 18 and old enough (legally maybe not emotionally) to make her own decisions.

 

Welcome to caring about a teenage girl.....I have "helped" raised two of them now and both went through the phase of behavior you are describing.
I dont know if its an "independance' thing or what, but for both my girls, from ages 16-19, you couldnt talk to them, they lied to us just about daily about who they were with, what they were doing, ect. The one would even lie to us about things we wouldnt have objected to....go figure.
I know ya care about your sister, and you should try to give her advise and such, but she is going to do what she wants and you realy cant stop it.
I finally told our youngest one that I wasnt going to ask anymore, and after a few days of not asking where she had been going or anything, she came to me in tears wondering why I didnt care about her anymore....
Luckily for us , both have "outgrown" that behavior without any life altering mistakes. All you can realy do is hope your sis does the same.
kinda stinks dont it?

 

My litttle brother was the same way. Lies to everyone about everything. He would say he was going to a concert, and I would hold up the paper saying the show was next weekend, and he would yell at me for lying, and tring to get him in trouble. He always denied everything, was always the victim. He once called my wife a B___ with me standing there, and then denied it. There were always empty rum bottles in his room and truck...

Finally he is starting to grow up a little, just had to give him time to do it on his own. I know it aint what you want to hear, but I am afraid it is how it will happen...

 

Tell her what my Dad told me along time ago. If you get in trouble with the law and in jail DON'T even call me. And I believed him.

MikeyB

 

That's probably some of the best advice I could offer as well. Until she wants to help herself nobody is going to be able to help her. Don't give up on her, but be warned that pushing too hard could potentially push her farther down the road that you don't want her going down. She's old enough to make her own decisions so you pretty much just have to let her make them and deal with the consequences...but always be there for her when she needs you.

Contrary to what others here have said, never turn your back on family or friends. Everyone makes mistakes and has to learn from those mistakes. If you're there for her when she needs you to be there for her then, when she finally grows up, she'll love and respect you for always being there.

 

i have two daughters...20 and 17. They all go through periods of rebellion and such. Oldest daughter started thinking she was grown at 18...which she was but did not want to go to college and wanted to work. So that was fine...
Then she wanted to stay out all night and go where she wanted after work without telling us....and did not want to do anything around the house because she was an adult. So I told her that there are certain rules in my house and if she was adult enough to demand independence then maybe she should move out and see what the world is really about where she does not get to pocket her entire paycheck each month. So she moved out......and 3 weeks later wanted to come back when things were not as fun as she thought...having to shop for groceries...pay bills...pay for own gas...own insurance....go to work and know that if she lost job I would not be there. I actually would help her if she really hit rock bottom but did not want her to know that at this time as it would be a crutch. Well over 2 years later......she is going to college at night...working all day....and married.....bought piece of land and is building new home with her husband. Made her grow up fast.....

Youngest is more of a risk taker....life of party and pushes the envelope. Had a couple down periods....but got to a point we had taught her all we could and it was up to her to make good choices.......she saw her friends getting in trouble and ruining their lives.....and how disappointed and embarrassed I was of what she had done. She has turned around and doing well in school and planning on college and all....

So what is the bottom of this.....you cant make them do anything after they become young adults...some lessons need to be learned the hard way. All you can do is pray they dont get injured, pregnant or catch some life threatening disease......and hope maturity comes before injury. The other thing is to stick by your guns...if you threaten or say something...then there is no second chances. Taking away the FREE RIDE of money, car and such is a big equalizer parents have...at least it worked for me.

Good luck and I would be very frank and non-judgemental when you tell her for last time what you are worried about. End with a hug and kiss and say you love her but she is on her own if she makes bad choices. Then dont ever bring it up again...

 

Just know she's going through a goofy time and try not to take everything she says and does too personal, let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

Pray for her and go easy on the advice, and just be there when or if she crashes going down the road she has chosen, and hopefully this is temporary. I raised two myself and sometimes we have to accept that our hands are tied and set back and wait them out, now if she goes down the drug road and alcohol too long I would suggest to intervene before she hurts herself or others, but friend that is tough and I mean tough. My family had to do it to one of the younger brothers in our family and it was bad, but it saved his life. Goodluck,,,Rick

 

Looks like everyone said what I was gonna say. I have a younger sister who is almost 19. Right before she turned 16 she started pulling a lot of the same stuff and would not listen to myself or mom. We finally let her do things her way and after a couple years she is finally starting to turn herself around. She is starting to realize that we were right and is kicking herself for not listening to us sooner. She is also learning to do a lot on her own since Mom is in a different state and I'm 3 1/2 hours away.

 

I agree with everyone here, I have a friend who is like a lil sister to me and she had some rough times like that and it really suprised me because she is the sweetest most innocent girl I know, but she finally asked me for help a couple weeks ago because she got tired of who she was and has totally made a turn around so I guess once they realize what they are doing, then they dont want to do it anymore. But hey if she needs a friend, look me up, i seem to the the internet councelor with all my friends...

 

I agree with pretty much everything that has been said already on here.

The thing about it is, she has to make these decisions on her own, that way when she gets in trouble ( which I won't lie she probably will ) she has nobody to blame but herself...........in which she can't turn around and blame you for giving her bogus advice.

People have funny ways of doing things, especially when you are young and think the world evolves around you and that you know more than everyone.

The more you try to get her to understand she is making a ton of mistakes, the more she is going to dislike you for trying to control her and tell her how to live her life. She needs to have fun and get this crap out of her system, but still needs to have some fear of the consequences that are going to be involved. Usually when kids act like this, it takes one good scare or one good punishment to slap them in the face and open their eyes so they see exaclty what they are doing. Sadly in doesn't work on ALL people.

I guess the best advice I can give is to let her do what she is doing.......let her screw up and make those mistakes.....because frankly there is no stopping her. And the more you try the more it's gonna make her alienate herself from your family.

I wish there was an easy way to help you out to get her to stop all of this, but just remember what you were like when you were that age........guaranteed you didn't listen to a word your parents said ( GOD knows I didn't ) Hopefully she will realize soon what she is doing and come to her senses.....

Good luck man, I wish you and her and you family the best. I hate to see this happen!!!!


~Nick

 

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts. I really do appreciate it. I just hate to see her make choices that I know will screw up her life. I only want the best for my lil sister and I don't want her to go through the struggles and what not I've gone through. I just don't understand how her and I are so different. I'm so laid back and easy going and she's just as hard headed as can be. Oh well. Thanks yall. I really, really, really appreciate it.

 

Your struggles have made up part of who you are, as will hers.

We have seen the results of poor choices made by young adults around here lately. Last one was about three weeks ago. 19 yrs. old,addicted to Methadone, Zanax and whatever else he could get his hands on. I was a childhood friend of his oldest brother, family is an absolute wreck over the losss. Not much of a life huh? I broke down just seeing how distraught his parents were at the viewing.
My nephews friends are being depleted in drastic numbers by the wonderful world of Heroin.
I hope you sister is just involed in alcohol, weed and staying out late, at least there is some proven longevity in those activities. Heroin and/or cocaine?, might as well look at it like setting a big egg timer and waiting to be strung out or dead somewhere.

Worst part is that the friends of the dead kids I know, they really don't even have the presence of mind to care anymore. Sure, are sad for the family of the deceased, but they are each in so deep themselves they seem to worry about hours and days rather than months and years ahead.

Dime her out to your parents every chance you get. No matter what you have done wrong or unhealthy in the past.

As stated in others posts, maybe your parents will grow tired of funding her lifestyle and cut her off?