rip 112

With depression....

Just don't feel anything is going right. In and out of the same relationship (out for good), no work (drought, thank God for the recent rains), bills come too soon, dogs keep destroying my place, the training is taking too long for my liking. Parents are having trouble. Being they are deaf they come to me alot for help with their problems. I have alot on my own. Taxes are eating me alive, songs are filling my head with all kinds of memories. No matter how much I try to keep myself busy and spend time with my friends I always come home to the same silence. The same thoughts just won't go away. Don't want to drink. Don't want to see a dr. Can't afford to see a dr. I just can't muster the dignity to talk to someone who can help. I'm too proud. Its just as hard for me to even say all of this, shines a light on who I am at this point in time. Everyone says give it time. I've given it alot of time. I keep my head up while it steadily drops back down. I'm just out of my groove. Having a tough time time coping. Even worse time sleeping.

I want to thank all of ya'll. You all have given me a place to relieve my tensions and try to help others. I enjoy my position here and always have this to look forward to. You all have kept me from going over the edge a few times. I just get so lost sometimes, my morality fogs up and I just lose my mind. Hurts pretty bad when the one you always expressed yourself to doesn't care anymore. I know many of ya'll care.

I just need some better times in my life right now.

Thanks for all who take the time to read and understand. You all are doing me a huge favor right now.

Patrick

ramlovingvet

Hang in there Buddy .
You are in my Prayers.

wyododge

Hey there Patrick,

I can't say that I have walked a mile in your shoes, but I will say that I have worn out a couple of pairs of mine in the past. Lots of slogans out there people will use to make you feel better, and there is not one that will help you, IMO. You don't need a doctor, they will just try to give you a pill. I am not sure if you are a religious man, so don't take offense but I would go to your church, if you have one, or take a bit of time and visit three or four and speak with the paster. If for nothing else they are completely neutral to your situation and they deal with a great many people on a regular basis, so they have some real life experience with the situations similar to yours. If you don't like their demeanor, go to another one. Find one that you are comfortable with and ask if you can schedule some time to talk. I think you will find that as their life calling, they will go out of their way to understand your situation and help you work through it. If you are not a religious person than I think that you may find that God has a way of speaking to everyone if you will just allow him to. Personally when I looked, I found an older catholic priest, he was a very good man and helped me to work through a whole pile of mud. You are in a bad situation, you are being hit from all directions, and you need some help. Sounds like you support a lot of people and combined with your personal issues I think you may just be overwhelmed. It sounds like it took a quite a while to get where you are and so it may take the same amount of time to get back up. One thing I can guarantee you is that you will be much more successful if you go and find yourself someone who can help you.

You have taken the first step by opening up to the multitude of really good people on this forum. Now just take the second step for YOU, and find someone you trust, that you can talk to. Open up, let things out, be honest with them and to yourself, be ready for the possibility that some of the things wrong in your life may be your fault, but most importantly go to work for Patrick. Right now he is the one who really needs you right now.

chaikwa

I've been where you are Patrick. I went to doctors, had prescriptions, talked to therapists, you name it. What has helped is actually believing things are going to get better. It took me almost a year to wrap my mind around the idea of positive thinking, and another year of doing it to realize any change. And it was so difficult when so many crappy things were happening. There are still days when depression, hopelessness, or sadness rear their ugly heads, and they're difficult things to get rid of. If I don't force myself to get rid of them, they stick around for months.

PM me if you need to talk. (that's why I'm the janitor!)

chaikwa.

Blake Clark

Hey Rip,

When I used to go feeling that way this is what I would do.

Id jump in the ole '90 with a four pack of Redbull and a half log of Skoal.

Id put the windows down and just take off, Id drive for days sometimes, no Idea where I was going, no Idea when Id go back. No music, No phone, Nothing but the wind and the sound of the 12v.

It would let me just get away from it all and clear my mind and it would never fail, Id realize that as hard as things seems, it could always get worse and that home needed me, more than I needed it. That would give me a sense of purpose, and the reason to get back into the "swing" of things.


Remember, Your darkest hour is only 60 minutes long.

Hvytrkmech

Patrick, this is very solid real world advice Scott has given you, I agree with it 100%.

You can pm me also if you need to talk.

How far from Fort Worth are you?

HMX-1

I know the weight on your shoulders is a lot because I've been there. Even though I had people that cared for me all around me, I felt not just alone, but totally isolated.

I talked with friends and this helped me out, but what really helped was keeping a journal. Even though there are some things I can speak very well about, my feelings simply aren't on that list. I felt better because I could sort out my feelings and not have to worry about trying to express the stuff I couldn't, or try to express them to someone else and become even more upset that I couldn't, which made me feel even more stupid.

So grab a pen and paper, or sit down and type it out on the computer. The nice part is you can always burn it or delete it from the computer, and being able to release the burden and express the feelings you can't verbally.




Kris

madhat

We're here for you, buddy. Stay strong. PM me anytime.

klx650a2

I've been down somewhat of the same road as you and its a hard one. Some excellent advice here and what worked for me (if you're religious) was giving everything to the Guy upstairs and believing that its going to get better.

glocklove

Hang in there man, I know the feeling my mother comes to me for everything, she moved in last year and just moved out about a month ago or so. In the time she was living with me my wife left me and we are know seprated after 16 years of marriage. Sometimes it just feels really bad and there is nothing you can do. I just take it one day at a time and find somethin worth a crap to keep myself going. It can be really hard at times but like the guys above said find someone any one to talk to. Hang in there buddie. PM if you need to talk.

staarma

Hey RIP, don't let life beat you down. Think of all of the good things you have in your life. During your free time, work on your relationship with the Lord. He will help you through anything you can imagine. It's not prideful to pray for yourself either. One of the best things you could do in my opinion is find a small singles group for a Bible study. That sure is something to look forward to one night a week. Who knows, you might even meet some new people or a new girl who is a Godly woman. You're in my prayers pal.

Also, this works wonders for me.

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it "Barack Obama."
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: "Do you really want to get rid of
"Barack Obama?"
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better?

GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

rip 112

I can't thank ya'll enough to satisfy my ego...

I do believe in God, but hate to say we've been holding a grudge for awhile. Almost feel as if he just isn't there for me, I know he is though. I try to tell myself that this is my test of faith, that i can overcome it if I really try. My past is colorful (like everyones), made my mistakes at a young age and been trying to get back on track for awhile now. I won't go to my local pastor, he was just caught in infidelity. So who i do talk to will be a fresh mind. My sister has heard this all too much. I just feel as if I'm burdening others with my downfalls. It feels like a day is twice as long, even if I keep myself extremely busy. And ya'll are right, I don't need nor want meds. I just want some closure for once, I can't seem to get anything past me right now.

Gonna take a trip to Austin to hang out with my closest friends, go out and have some fun. I have to know that time will mend my heart if I let it. I know many of you have dealt with worse in your ages, this is my first real scream for help, I usually can handle things myself. I'm glad you all are here. I want to thank you all for the offers to talk, when the road gets windy I may have to make a shout out. I'm just really emotional (and will readily admit it). Just a big mess of screwed up emotions right now. Starting to sleep a little better, hope thats a sign.

With the help from you all I can know that one day I can look back at this and say that a group of ppl I don't even know directly helped me get over my issues. Some of ya'll care more than my own kin, and thats a blessing.

I feel like going somewheres and yelling at the top of my lungs til i fall over. I wish there was a blowoff valve i could just hit to lose the pressure on me.

Ya'll are great ppl. Hope one day i can return the favor. Til then I will be here on DTR trying to do what i do best.

rip 112

Oh and Tim, I am about 5hrs away from Ft worth.

rbrettctd

Rip, trust in god and he will provide for you, sometimes it feels like he isn't there, trust me I've had those feelings and in the not too distant past. But when you least expect it things start turning around, and when they do it's a great feeling. Hang in there and pm me also if you wanna.

12valve@heart

Patrick,

There's been some good advice posted but like with most things, no one answer fits every situation so you have to find what is the correct advice for you.

Getting away to spend some time with good friends is probably a good idea as long as they aren't like Job's friends (biblical reference to Job chapters 2-5) and do more harm than help.

Since you mention that you believe in God but have been holding a grudge, I'd strongly encourage you to get the book The Shack by William P. Young. It's available in paperback and audio formats so you can read it or listen to it, whichever is easiest for you. I listened to it on a recent trip and it gave me a fresh perspective on God's relationship with us.

The other thing that I'd suggest you consider is looking into some volunteer work, particularly if work is slow at the moment. There's something about helping others worse off than ourselves that helps put our situation in a different perspective.

As others have said, feel free to post or PM anytime and we'll try to give you a shoulder to lean on. Also be forewarned, we're coming to the holiday season and depression tends to peak during that time of year so get your battle plan and support system in place because you may have to face more of it in the next few months. Sorry we can't offer a magic bullet or instant cure but we'll keep you in our prayers.