EVER WONDER?

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your Doctor leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (sound it out...)

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..........

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window? ...

 

 

 

 

Did you ever notice that when Top spends the day on the boat "fishing", he comes back in a philosophical frame of mind?
That's because beer make you smarter.



In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this...

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

 

My altime fav "Good Question" wasn't on there...
Why is that thing you lost always in the last place you look for it?

(If you don't get it, repeat it outloud to someone else)

 

The following quiz was actually given to a group of coperate CEO's and a group of 4th graders:

1) How do you put a giraffe in a refridgerator?
answer: open the door and put him inside
tests wether you try to complicate simple tasks.....

2) How do you put an elephant in the refridgerator?
if you said " open the door and put him in" you are wrong
Answer: open the door, take out the giraffe, and put in the elephant.....
tests wether you think of the consequences of prior actions.......

3)The Lion King is hosting a conference. All the animals attend except one. Which one didn't attend?
Correct Answer:
The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him there.
This tests your memory. OK... even if you did not answer the first three
questions correctly, you still have one more chance to demonstrate your
abilities.

4) You must cross a river inhabited by crocidiles. How do you manage this?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Lion
King's Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your
mistakes.


According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the intellectual capacity of a four year old.

 

More deep thoughts....I apologize for the caps, I cut and pasted....

HOW DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST?
THEY TAKE THE PSYCHO PATH.

HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
YOU BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT.

WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE
WALL? DAM!

WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICETOO LONG?
POLAROIDS

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T COME
BACK? A STICK.

WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
NACHO CHEESE.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
SUBORDINATE CLAUSES.

WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN
QUICKSAND?
QUATRO CINCO.

WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
SPOILED MILK.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A
VAMPIRE?
FROSTBITE.

WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND
TWITCHES?
A NERVOUS WRECK.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND
PEA SOUP?
ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF

WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT HIM.

WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE BIG FINGERS.

WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
SANKA

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A
HOOVER?
THE LOCATION OF THE DIRT BAG.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND
A BAD SKYDIVER?
A BAD GOLFER GOES, WHACK, DANG IT!.
A BAD SKYDIVER GOES DANG IT!! WHACK!

HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
UNIQUE UP ON IT.

HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
TAME WAY, UNIQUE UP ON IT.

WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
SKEET.

WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP,
CLOP, CLOP?
AN AMISH DRIVE-BY SHOOTING

HOW ARE AN ARKANSAS TORNADO AND A TENNESSEE
DIVORCE THE SAME?
SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE A TRAILER

 

Next time someone asks you "Can I Ask A Stupid Question?", you have three responses:

1. "AGAIN?!?!?!?"

2. "You just did!!!"

3. "Better than anybody I know!!!"

And I've used all three.............

DW

 

I like #3 !!!!
PISTOL

 

cowhand those are great thanks