04ctd

what's your input?

there's a local teenage girl who might need a place to go. wife likes her.

Justwannabeme

tough call John...all 17 folks in this county (down from 56 if that gives you a clue) say teen girls are sorcerers. guys not much higher but less games and accusations. got to have a tough heart and thicker skin.

a teen who likes to shop? Gosh John...you have a death wish don't you LOL

Lary Ellis (Top)

Dealt with it first hand and would not do it again.

vzdude

I know it's not quite the same, but I am adopted. Let me tell you....... I am sooo glad that there are good people in this world that are willing to raise and love a child that is not their own. I am sure at times my parents wondered if it was the right thing to do or not, but I thank the good lord everyday that they did it! If you think you are doing the right thing and it feels right........ do what your heart feels. Don't do it just because you think it will make your wife happy, do it because you want to. Good luck.

tbarbee1

I dont mean to sound silly but I know you will understand, what does God think about it??? If you havent already pray pray and pray some more before making a decision. Just because something is a good idea doesnt necessarily mean its a God idea.

Clayten

I agree with Lary I have been there and done it to. I won't do it again.

AlpineRAM

I think that there is a massive difference between adoption and fostering. An adoption usually entails a small child and a couple who do wish to have a kid.
Fostering on the other hand entails an almost grown up in this case. I think it does really depend on personalities. A friend of mine was fostered out for some years to finish his education over here when his parents moved off this continent. He still needed somebody who was "responsible" in front of the law- but he was extremely grown up when this situation was there. His foster parents and he are still extremely good friends.
On the other hand I've also witnessed situations where fostering turned extremely nasty.....Kid being emotionally unstable, harping on the theme "you ain't my mom/dad" and even drug abuse...

Just my 2c

AlpineRAM

dieselJon

Do you have smaller children? Whats the background on this girl? Those 2 questions are what my parents had to ask when they were thinking about adopting/fostering. They will not take on someone who has a abuse problem cause they would not know how they would react to smaller children.

I agree with Troy, Pray and pray hard. Who knows? It might be the best thing that every happened in that girls life.

What are your feelings? Talk openly to your wife because this will not only rock her world but yours as well. If you guys cannot communicate on a small scale, then what might happen if you take this girl on?

Just somethings to think about.

Jon

PistolWhipt

Lots of things to think about when you obligate to do this .... and this comes from a few years of foster parent experience.

Teens are a lot to handle, even on a good day. Add in the fact that this one has more on her plate than your average teen. This is going to show itself in ways that you might not expect.

What are the circumstances of her needing this care ? (retorical question ... I wouldn't ask that you divulge her private info) You may have a very nice young lady in a real bad family situation and everything work out fine ... OR ... you may have a hellion that is an expert at manipulating people. We have had both ends of the spectrum.

Can you handle getting attached to her and then possibly have to give her back .... even though you may not feel in your heart that it is the best for her ?? That can be a real tear jerker. And keep in mind ... you will have to work hand in hand with case workers and court appointed monitors throughout the entire time. As with anything ... there are good ones and some real useless pieces of skin out there.

The state foster care agency can get you and your home certified and offers lots of good classes to let you know if this is something you and your wife really want to get into. Some states are easier to work with than others.

We were foster parents to quite a few kids and enjoyed it probably 95% of the time. We are working on our adoption homestudy right now ... but probably won't foster any more.

Feel free to PM me if you want to ...

Cheers,
PISTOL

vzdude

I would agree there is a huge difference, and either way, it takes VERY loving people, with lots of patience. Even adoptive parents that WANT kids, sometimes wonder what if ? Wish they hadn't adopted at times ! and ponder why! LOL ( at least thats what my parents said! LOL) It does have to be harder and harder as the age goes up with the kids, but we have some friends that have adopted older children. Still, 4-5 years old is still very impressionable and probably able to change bad habits and such, their adoptive child was from Russia and had basically very little interaction with people. That took a lot to overcome, but the older she gets, the better she seems to adjust. Again, EVERY situation is different, and just because one went well, certainly does not make it the norm!

Good luck! Whatever you decide!

Andy

04ctd

I am wondering if you guys got Teenagers you did not know, and they were already gone, and it was too late to fix them?

we've known this kid for year or so. she’s done typical stupid stuff. nothing worse than my teens did.

Troy, ....pray for us...we are really concerned, and don't want to be out of the will of God, we want to honor & glorify Him in everything. this is definitely not one of those things you want to answer for if you go on feelings instead of faith. been reading up on it....
1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.


1 Corinthians 13:13
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.


1 Thessalonians 1:3
remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of our God and Father,

Matthew 10:42
And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.”



Luke 12:48
...For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.





we dunno what would be best, to foster or adopt.
in SC, if you are "orphaned" you are pretty much on your own.

but if DSS pulls you from a home, then the state provides a significant financial support (free college tuition is a major one). i think she is in line for free college tuition, but not sure what would happen if she is adopted.



her personality matches the wife, they both like to shop & go out to eat...

appreciate the offer.... PM me your # and i will call you..

what we are thinking

vzdude

Keep praying! I think you are coming up with the answers yourself though. I don't think I would go out and adopt right off the bat though.......take some time with the foster care and if need be, then adopt. Adoption is permanent...........fostering you can back out of. Also..how well do you know this girl? Do you know her full background and why she is in this position? It doesn't necessarily matter, but it could impact things. I would also take 2 more things into consideration....#1 will this affect any of your own kids? even if they are still at home or not. #2 if she can get free college tuition, would you rather pay for it than letting the state provide? Those would be affecting my descision. Good luck my friend........I'll say an extra one for you tonight!

Lary Ellis (Top)

Yes, I should have elaborated on that. Young girl was completely out of control and had been for years. DIDN"T want a home or any help, just wanted to run the streets, steal, lie cheat etc......

Now not all situations are like that so I should not have been so abrupt. Some children just need a place where they can be safe and have been through pure hell no fault of their own.

bentwings

I think Larry and I hit the same thing. Nice girl totally mixed up, wouldn't listen, gave her a nice quiet easy going home life, helped the best I could, listened to her problems, tried to help, kept her out of further trouble. 2 months after she was 18 she took her life..........
I still feel it.....

Clayten

I experienced basically the same thing as what Lary did. I had a teenage boy. He actually damaged our house, glad there was insurance.