dumb tales of how you hurt yourself
04-02-2008, 01:38 PM
#16
Thats MR Hoss to you buddy!
My dad actually shot himself in the eye with either a nail gun or a staple gun one time. Not sure which one it was. Luckily he maintained his vision, but the pupil in that eye is more of a square shape now than a circle shape.
04-02-2008, 01:49 PM
#17
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caught the very tip of my fingers on my trucks clutch fan as I wiped water off the shroud after washing the engine off. All it did was buzz them and it stung so bad my fingers were numb.. for a second after it happined i thought i lost my fingers because I could not feel them.
04-02-2008, 02:03 PM
#18
Too many to list but this one does stand out..
I was pumping up a hand sprayer that had a metal tank holding about three gallons of mixture. This tank had a nice 1/2" lip or edge on the bottom. My wife was standing next to me. I pulled up the handle too far, lifting the tank about 8" off the ground. I pushed down on the handle, slamming the lip of the tank on my big toe, right where the toenail meets the skin. It hurt so much I was paralyzed with pain, I couldn't even scream, all I could do is rock back and forth, my wife asking if I was OK. That night it throbbed so much from pooled blood under it, I had to take a paper clip, straighten it, heat a end of it red hot and burn a hole in my toenail to release the pressure. It took almost a year before my toe looked normal.
I was pumping up a hand sprayer that had a metal tank holding about three gallons of mixture. This tank had a nice 1/2" lip or edge on the bottom. My wife was standing next to me. I pulled up the handle too far, lifting the tank about 8" off the ground. I pushed down on the handle, slamming the lip of the tank on my big toe, right where the toenail meets the skin. It hurt so much I was paralyzed with pain, I couldn't even scream, all I could do is rock back and forth, my wife asking if I was OK. That night it throbbed so much from pooled blood under it, I had to take a paper clip, straighten it, heat a end of it red hot and burn a hole in my toenail to release the pressure. It took almost a year before my toe looked normal.
04-02-2008, 02:05 PM
#19
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I wrote this story about a year ago when I was on some pain killers. I posted it on facebook and myspace so people knew why I wasn't around for awhile. It's pretty long so don't feel obligated to read it 
... although I think it's funny now (even though I didn't when I typed it)... I edited out the cuss words but I'm sure you'll know where they were!
---------------------------------------
So, there I was Saturday.. staring at a pile of what was supposed to be tree branches and brush.. My mind working a mile a minute as usual. Instead of being just brush over the last couple years everyone thought that it would be a bright idea to add trash to my burn pile including all the old carpet and padding from my lakehouse, a six pack of household roach foggers (where the heck did those come from?), some furniture, some bottles of oil, household trash, some tainted hydraulic fluid(ok that was me who added that), an old plastic gas can, a few tires, some random car parts etc.. the list goes on... But what the hell everything burns right?
So like I said there I was staring and wondering how the hell can I get rid of this mess as I looked up into the tree the burn pile was now nearly encompassing... Looking over yonder I notice the sky was getting dark, the rains are coming I say to myself in the wisest voice I can do. I'll speak more about the rains later.
Being alone and thinking the rains are coming soon I decided I'd need some help from a few old friends..... I went to the barn and grabbed a 5 gallon can of diesel, some used hydraulic fluid and some vitamin G. I poured my diesel and hydraulic fluid strategically (yes that's what I said, strategically) on the pile, gave it a splash of vitamin G and used it to run a trail a safe distance away. This is when it all starts going wrong. Apparently my trail wasn't long enough because when I light my trail of Gasoline my peaceful burn pile decides to get PO'd. Angry enough to spit a beer can at me hitting me square in the chest, but I'm ok as I say to myself in a voice not so confident as before. After a few minutes of uncontrollable fury I drag the water hose over to calm this puppy down only to find out the pump isn't on and the tower is dry. I say to myself, being alone at the time that I must... must get pump running looking up into the formally peaceful oak tree that is now catching on fire 15 feet in the air.
After getting the pump on and water pressure up I sprint gallantly to my burn pile grabbing the hose and getting some Jesus on this pile of devil. Standing at what I felt was a safe distance from the fire since my eye brows weren't burning off I sprayed the pile and tree down like a real fire man. Again, this apparently wasn't a safe distance because I heard a hissing, a hissing any peaceful fire pile wouldn't make. As I adjust my head over to listen closely to what this hissing might be I hear a boom, then suddenly out of the fire came a household pest fogger can grazing my head and flying another 15 feet landing by the barn. At this point I say to myself in a worried voice I should grab some safety goggles thinking that 15 feet isn't that far and my tree is on fire what if it falls on the barn?... all my beloved junk would be ruined.
Looking up into the sky I notice how god has smittened me once again by slowing his rain clouds down to a turtle’s crawl. Shaking my fist into the air I start putting out the grass and leaves my pile has caught on fire as keenly as possible to limit the damage, forgetting about my formally beautiful oak tree.
A few minutes later some relief I hear thunder, thank you Jesus I yell to the heavens, my message went through!
For 45 mins torrential downpours blasted my fire with water, but to no avail apparently diesel mixed with gas mixed with hydraulic fluid doesn't mind water because my 20 foot tall fire only shrank to a 10 foot fire, but the tree and grass fires had subdued thankfully.
As the rains passed my fire had finally become what I felt was manageable. I went out arming myself with a shovel, a garden rake, some gloves and a welding mask with the shades flipped up.
After an hour or few I finally get time to go grab a drink of water and as I get inside I decide enough of this BS it’s getting dark. Worn out from the days events I go back out with a plan, spray this satan's den down with water and get it to go out. To my surprise and 3000 gallons of water later I get a break, the fire is out I can go inside and take a shower and drink down a cold one.
As I was drinking my Pabst (blue ribbon) watching an infomercial on the only channel I can get out on our land I decide it would be wise to walk out and take a gander to see if I can see any flames... Looking around the barn I cuss aloud "that son of a B won't go out" as I see flames coming from this pit of hell. I then realize my biggest mistake, don't put that much diesel and hydraulic fluid into a fire, it won't go out. I feverously jump into my truck drive over to my fire headlights on jump out and say it you want to burn then burn. I decide to rake around the fire cussing everything holy knowing this beast might decide to catch the grass on fire again. As I was raking blinded by my headlights and worn out from the day I stumble.. trip.. god dang.. fall.. coming down on my face I put my right hand out to save myself from a life long face injury balancing my left hand with the rake using the leverage of my right hand to push myself back up I realize WHAT THE HECK my hand is in the fire. Coming up looking at the melted skin and black on my hand I think quickly it can't be too bad, I can't feel anything.. Yup nothing complete numbness, then I think that can't be good numb is bad right? Walking over to my dimly lit headlights examining my hand it comes... The pain, the pain of a thousand bee stings not just in my hand but up my arm all the way down to my finger tips.
I go into the house, get some water on it being the only relief I have thinking WHAT THE HECK should I do... Using my good hand I get my cell phone and start flipping through thinking of who I can call.. Jeremy, most likely drunk. Stephen, passed out and lazy. Alan, in Austin. Everyone else, in Houston or Magnolia... Then I get to mom... But I can't wake mom I say to myself envisioning her peacefully sleeping dreaming about the fun activities she'll be doing in church tomorrow.
Some time goes by as I pace around the house with my arm in a bucket of water trying to reassure myself I notice I'm speaking aloud more than usual and I've fed the mutt that wandered up to my porch twice in an hour. With Ron Popeil in the background blaring "set it and forget it" and all my beer gone I get to thinking I always chase mutts off with a shovel, something must be wrong. I decide to call mom she's a nurse she'll know what to do, she awoke and answered, she noticed something was wrong right away. As soon as I say my hand is black she says.. Go to the emergency room now idiot in the nicest mom way possible.
By this time it's almost 12am, I jump into my Cummins, hand in pale of water spilling all over my new leather. I get to the hospital as quickly as possible... But for no reason, apparently gun shot wombs and creating new US citizens is more important than my hand... Jerks... Anyway, after my haul most of my bucket has spilled and I'm now dry and in pain. After a few minutes there I say "hey lady, shoot me up I'm dieing over here" as I was using my one good hand sending text messages to my drunk friends who were laughing about my injury telling me to tough it out they are not coming to get me so the worst happens... They can't shoot me up if I don't have a ride. They wonder what's the commotion about and say if I don't shut up they are going to send me to the psych ward.
So... I had to tough it out and wait till 4 am, with mercy they asked how far away I lived.. I knew the drill, I work at a hospital
they were going to give me Vicadin if I only lived 10 mins away. So instead of saying 25 I say 5 as they are pumping my hand full of medicine and giving me a Technis shot... At 4:30am I finally get some dope and swerve my way back home.
Moral of the story, don't shake your fist at the sky.
... although I think it's funny now (even though I didn't when I typed it)... I edited out the cuss words but I'm sure you'll know where they were!---------------------------------------
So, there I was Saturday.. staring at a pile of what was supposed to be tree branches and brush.. My mind working a mile a minute as usual. Instead of being just brush over the last couple years everyone thought that it would be a bright idea to add trash to my burn pile including all the old carpet and padding from my lakehouse, a six pack of household roach foggers (where the heck did those come from?), some furniture, some bottles of oil, household trash, some tainted hydraulic fluid(ok that was me who added that), an old plastic gas can, a few tires, some random car parts etc.. the list goes on... But what the hell everything burns right?
So like I said there I was staring and wondering how the hell can I get rid of this mess as I looked up into the tree the burn pile was now nearly encompassing... Looking over yonder I notice the sky was getting dark, the rains are coming I say to myself in the wisest voice I can do. I'll speak more about the rains later.
Being alone and thinking the rains are coming soon I decided I'd need some help from a few old friends..... I went to the barn and grabbed a 5 gallon can of diesel, some used hydraulic fluid and some vitamin G. I poured my diesel and hydraulic fluid strategically (yes that's what I said, strategically) on the pile, gave it a splash of vitamin G and used it to run a trail a safe distance away. This is when it all starts going wrong. Apparently my trail wasn't long enough because when I light my trail of Gasoline my peaceful burn pile decides to get PO'd. Angry enough to spit a beer can at me hitting me square in the chest, but I'm ok as I say to myself in a voice not so confident as before. After a few minutes of uncontrollable fury I drag the water hose over to calm this puppy down only to find out the pump isn't on and the tower is dry. I say to myself, being alone at the time that I must... must get pump running looking up into the formally peaceful oak tree that is now catching on fire 15 feet in the air.
After getting the pump on and water pressure up I sprint gallantly to my burn pile grabbing the hose and getting some Jesus on this pile of devil. Standing at what I felt was a safe distance from the fire since my eye brows weren't burning off I sprayed the pile and tree down like a real fire man. Again, this apparently wasn't a safe distance because I heard a hissing, a hissing any peaceful fire pile wouldn't make. As I adjust my head over to listen closely to what this hissing might be I hear a boom, then suddenly out of the fire came a household pest fogger can grazing my head and flying another 15 feet landing by the barn. At this point I say to myself in a worried voice I should grab some safety goggles thinking that 15 feet isn't that far and my tree is on fire what if it falls on the barn?... all my beloved junk would be ruined.
Looking up into the sky I notice how god has smittened me once again by slowing his rain clouds down to a turtle’s crawl. Shaking my fist into the air I start putting out the grass and leaves my pile has caught on fire as keenly as possible to limit the damage, forgetting about my formally beautiful oak tree.
A few minutes later some relief I hear thunder, thank you Jesus I yell to the heavens, my message went through!
For 45 mins torrential downpours blasted my fire with water, but to no avail apparently diesel mixed with gas mixed with hydraulic fluid doesn't mind water because my 20 foot tall fire only shrank to a 10 foot fire, but the tree and grass fires had subdued thankfully.
As the rains passed my fire had finally become what I felt was manageable. I went out arming myself with a shovel, a garden rake, some gloves and a welding mask with the shades flipped up.
After an hour or few I finally get time to go grab a drink of water and as I get inside I decide enough of this BS it’s getting dark. Worn out from the days events I go back out with a plan, spray this satan's den down with water and get it to go out. To my surprise and 3000 gallons of water later I get a break, the fire is out I can go inside and take a shower and drink down a cold one.
As I was drinking my Pabst (blue ribbon) watching an infomercial on the only channel I can get out on our land I decide it would be wise to walk out and take a gander to see if I can see any flames... Looking around the barn I cuss aloud "that son of a B won't go out" as I see flames coming from this pit of hell. I then realize my biggest mistake, don't put that much diesel and hydraulic fluid into a fire, it won't go out. I feverously jump into my truck drive over to my fire headlights on jump out and say it you want to burn then burn. I decide to rake around the fire cussing everything holy knowing this beast might decide to catch the grass on fire again. As I was raking blinded by my headlights and worn out from the day I stumble.. trip.. god dang.. fall.. coming down on my face I put my right hand out to save myself from a life long face injury balancing my left hand with the rake using the leverage of my right hand to push myself back up I realize WHAT THE HECK my hand is in the fire. Coming up looking at the melted skin and black on my hand I think quickly it can't be too bad, I can't feel anything.. Yup nothing complete numbness, then I think that can't be good numb is bad right? Walking over to my dimly lit headlights examining my hand it comes... The pain, the pain of a thousand bee stings not just in my hand but up my arm all the way down to my finger tips.
I go into the house, get some water on it being the only relief I have thinking WHAT THE HECK should I do... Using my good hand I get my cell phone and start flipping through thinking of who I can call.. Jeremy, most likely drunk. Stephen, passed out and lazy. Alan, in Austin. Everyone else, in Houston or Magnolia... Then I get to mom... But I can't wake mom I say to myself envisioning her peacefully sleeping dreaming about the fun activities she'll be doing in church tomorrow.
Some time goes by as I pace around the house with my arm in a bucket of water trying to reassure myself I notice I'm speaking aloud more than usual and I've fed the mutt that wandered up to my porch twice in an hour. With Ron Popeil in the background blaring "set it and forget it" and all my beer gone I get to thinking I always chase mutts off with a shovel, something must be wrong. I decide to call mom she's a nurse she'll know what to do, she awoke and answered, she noticed something was wrong right away. As soon as I say my hand is black she says.. Go to the emergency room now idiot in the nicest mom way possible.
By this time it's almost 12am, I jump into my Cummins, hand in pale of water spilling all over my new leather. I get to the hospital as quickly as possible... But for no reason, apparently gun shot wombs and creating new US citizens is more important than my hand... Jerks... Anyway, after my haul most of my bucket has spilled and I'm now dry and in pain. After a few minutes there I say "hey lady, shoot me up I'm dieing over here" as I was using my one good hand sending text messages to my drunk friends who were laughing about my injury telling me to tough it out they are not coming to get me so the worst happens... They can't shoot me up if I don't have a ride. They wonder what's the commotion about and say if I don't shut up they are going to send me to the psych ward.
So... I had to tough it out and wait till 4 am, with mercy they asked how far away I lived.. I knew the drill, I work at a hospital
they were going to give me Vicadin if I only lived 10 mins away. So instead of saying 25 I say 5 as they are pumping my hand full of medicine and giving me a Technis shot... At 4:30am I finally get some dope and swerve my way back home.Moral of the story, don't shake your fist at the sky.
04-02-2008, 04:41 PM
#20
Thats MR Hoss to you buddy!
Great story! Do me a favor though and say "Wreck 'Em Tech" or something like that at the bottom of your signature. The last thing us Ags need is another Aggie joke. 
04-02-2008, 04:56 PM
#21
Registered User
I've got two related to my truck.
I was putting on my new maghytec front diff cover. I used a floor jack to just lift up the truck for more room and had the handle still in but laying on the ground. When I finished I jumped up and took a big bouncing step to grab some lube to fill it up. My foot caught the handle and I was going to do a major face plant on the cement floor. Instinctively put my hands out to save the old noggin and broke my darn hand from the impact. I walked inside to tell the wife that I might have messed up told her what happened. She just looked up at me over the top of her glasses and said you dumb a.. get in the car I'll take you to the doctor. Sure enough it was broke.
About two years later I was replacing all of the coolant hoses on the truck. Was doing the last one. The little heater hose that connects up on the firewall. Here I was stretched out just as absolutely as far as I could be standing on a milk crate. You guessed it the crate slipped right out from under me and my my rib cage came crashing down on the top line of the fender and I cracked a ribbed. I no longer use milk crates.
I was putting on my new maghytec front diff cover. I used a floor jack to just lift up the truck for more room and had the handle still in but laying on the ground. When I finished I jumped up and took a big bouncing step to grab some lube to fill it up. My foot caught the handle and I was going to do a major face plant on the cement floor. Instinctively put my hands out to save the old noggin and broke my darn hand from the impact. I walked inside to tell the wife that I might have messed up told her what happened. She just looked up at me over the top of her glasses and said you dumb a.. get in the car I'll take you to the doctor. Sure enough it was broke.
About two years later I was replacing all of the coolant hoses on the truck. Was doing the last one. The little heater hose that connects up on the firewall. Here I was stretched out just as absolutely as far as I could be standing on a milk crate. You guessed it the crate slipped right out from under me and my my rib cage came crashing down on the top line of the fender and I cracked a ribbed. I no longer use milk crates.
04-02-2008, 05:12 PM
#22
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I was riding a 200x three wheeler in the dunes in christmas valley and i found what looked like a nice jump but it wasn't it was strait up and down and i was going as fast as i could when i hit it, flew 40 feet landed on my face and then got hit in the back by the three wheeler, my dad was riding in front of me he turned around and helped me. the 200x was another 20 feet past me upside down. after catching my breath and cleaning the sand out of my mouth, i could ride but not well, got back to the truck and went home, my dad driving of course. my back hurt so bad, went and got x-rays found out i fractured a vertibrate. and on my helmet there are still tire tracks.
04-02-2008, 05:20 PM
#23
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I was riding a 200x three wheeler in the dunes in christmas valley and i found what looked like a nice jump but it wasn't it was strait up and down and i was going as fast as i could when i hit it, flew 40 feet landed on my face and then got hit in the back by the three wheeler, my dad was riding in front of me he turned around and helped me. the 200x was another 20 feet past me upside down. after catching my breath and cleaning the sand out of my mouth, i could ride but not well, got back to the truck and went home, my dad driving of course. my back hurt so bad, went and got x-rays found out i fractured a vertibrate. and on my helmet there are still tire tracks.
04-02-2008, 05:29 PM
#24
DTR'S Chaplain
I ran a hospital maint dept and trusted a teenager to secure a ladder when we were working on the roof. well I ask is it tied off below he says Yup and I stepped on the ladder and it shot out from under me.. 16 feet down PLOP!!!!! OUCH nothing broken except his pride when I dressed him down like a Wog crossing the line.
04-02-2008, 05:29 PM
#25
alwaysonDTR
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no a 200x is a kick start full suspention clutched machine. but all the suspention in the world doesn't help when its a strait up pile of sand like slaming on the front breaks at full speed and doing front flips
04-02-2008, 05:33 PM
#26
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04-02-2008, 05:40 PM
#28
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04-02-2008, 05:44 PM
#29
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04-02-2008, 05:52 PM
#30
Adminstrator-ess
Like a lot of guys, I have too many to list but thankfully none that required ER visits - just a yelp (or several) of pain and a few choice words that I won't repeat here.
First one taught me a lesson that has stayed with me to this day. Working on my mom's '84 Olds Custom Cruiser back when I was in high school. I'm laying under the car using a good sized combination wrench when my grip slips and the wrench starts dropping towards my head - so reflexively I sit up. Bad move! The sway bar caught me between my nose and upper lip. That really hurt and my face swelled up pretty good - I looked like a monkey for a week! Lesson learned: Don't sit up under a car, stupid!
Second one should have killed me but for the hand of God protecting me. I drive a gas cylinder truck. About three years ago I had a load of cylinders on the tailgate and the place I was parked was a little off level so the cylinders were a little bit on edge and I didn't want to ride the tailgate down in case they started falling over. So I lowered the tailgate from up on the deck, then started to climb down off the truck. Unfortunately I made a poor choice of handholds - I grabbed a liquid nitrogen dewar that I had unstrapped. I fell backward down into the liftgate full of cylinders pulling the (fortunately empty but still weighing in around 250 lbs) liquid dewar down on top of me. I wound up sitting on the tailgate with a couple cylinders across my legs and the dewar on my shoulders. I was pinned under about 600 lbs of total weight, I could not move. The fall alone could have killed me and the dewar should have crushed my skull, God was certainly looking out for me that day. Thankfully the guys in the shop I was delivering to heard the commotion and came out to see what happened. I had to reassure them that nothing was gonna blow up before they started pulling cylinders off of me. I was uninjured except for bumps and bruises, and a cut on my face from my glasses breaking. I got a nice lump on my head, and my left butt cheek hurt for a while from the first stage landing on top of a cylinder cap - but I could very easily have died that day. Lesson learned: only use parts of the truck for handholds - grabbing cargo is a bad habit and could get you killed.
First one taught me a lesson that has stayed with me to this day. Working on my mom's '84 Olds Custom Cruiser back when I was in high school. I'm laying under the car using a good sized combination wrench when my grip slips and the wrench starts dropping towards my head - so reflexively I sit up. Bad move! The sway bar caught me between my nose and upper lip. That really hurt and my face swelled up pretty good - I looked like a monkey for a week! Lesson learned: Don't sit up under a car, stupid!
Second one should have killed me but for the hand of God protecting me. I drive a gas cylinder truck. About three years ago I had a load of cylinders on the tailgate and the place I was parked was a little off level so the cylinders were a little bit on edge and I didn't want to ride the tailgate down in case they started falling over. So I lowered the tailgate from up on the deck, then started to climb down off the truck. Unfortunately I made a poor choice of handholds - I grabbed a liquid nitrogen dewar that I had unstrapped. I fell backward down into the liftgate full of cylinders pulling the (fortunately empty but still weighing in around 250 lbs) liquid dewar down on top of me. I wound up sitting on the tailgate with a couple cylinders across my legs and the dewar on my shoulders. I was pinned under about 600 lbs of total weight, I could not move. The fall alone could have killed me and the dewar should have crushed my skull, God was certainly looking out for me that day. Thankfully the guys in the shop I was delivering to heard the commotion and came out to see what happened. I had to reassure them that nothing was gonna blow up before they started pulling cylinders off of me. I was uninjured except for bumps and bruises, and a cut on my face from my glasses breaking. I got a nice lump on my head, and my left butt cheek hurt for a while from the first stage landing on top of a cylinder cap - but I could very easily have died that day. Lesson learned: only use parts of the truck for handholds - grabbing cargo is a bad habit and could get you killed.