little dodge humor somebody e-mailed to me

Welcome to your Dodge Ram 1500 Series.

This is the stuff you won't find in your owners manual as it was mistakenly left out by the Diamler Chrysler publishing staff.

First you might as well drive your new 1500 series right down to your local Tranny Shop (Emory Transmissions in your case) and have your 46RE rebuilt by the folks that know what they are doing. Please avoid Diamler/Chrysler dealers as they will just rebuild it to their specs. (What got you into this situation in the first place)

The tranny shop will rebuild your 4 speed Automatic/Overdrive with the 2004 rebuild kit which includes all the upgrades to make this thing last a wee longer. You may also want to ask about having 47RE parts substituted where they will work.

After this is all taken care of, it is time to buckle down for the rest of the upgrades we left out over the progression of the model years.

Now that your truck actually shifts correctly, You will notice an immediate loss of power, oil, and spark detonation sometime after 36,000 miles. This will be due to our brightly engineered Plenum Gasket leaking. (Commonly referred to as Belly Pan Gasket.)

We redesigned this gasket and now suggest Mopar Part # 05017208AA as a replacement option. This gasket will last you about 3,000 – 5,000 miles before you need to rip the top of engine all off again and do it all over again.

In this case if you would like to repair it once and be done… we recommend you replace your ‘keg’ style intake manifold with our “Performance” M-1 intake. This intake will give your Magnum 5.9 a fresh outlook on lifes highways.

Now that your 1500 series pickup actually accelerates and shifts; you will want to start being able to steer it.

First on this list of recommended “upgrades” is to address the weak “erector set” type steering shaft. This will wear out anywhere from 20,000 to 36,000 miles. When this starts to go you will notice a large amount of SLOP in your steering wheel. You will get the feeling you are driving one of our competitors’ big rigs. (eg Peterbuilt)

We recommend you purchase a Borgeson steering shaft #950. We like this design so much we attempted to buy the rights to the patent, however we were told to “suffer in our own hell”.

Moving on…

You might as well remove your $400 half ton steering box and replace it with the better $200 one ton model. Don't ask why we screw you on 1500 parts pricing. (That was the bean counters’ idea)

Now after you can shift, accelerate, and steer your 1500 series pickup, you will want to be able to keep it on the road.

The biggest cause of wonder in your 1500’s front end will be 1 of 3 possible causes.

The first possible cause is your front wheel bearings. We manufactured these bearings in a conveniently replaceable hub a$$embly. This will keep grease from repacking/replacing your bearings from getting on your supple un-calloused soccer mom/dad hands. Sure these units will run you needless amounts of $$ extra.. but you don’t actually want to get your hands greasy do you ?

The next possible cause of a wondering front end is your ball joints. We designed these to last a few thousand miles at best. NEW for 98+ model year, we designed the ball joints so that you can ONLY get replacements from Diamler Chrylser directly. (Again the bean counters’ idea.. something about lost revenue to Ford and Chevy)

*Special note* For 1500 series owners that would like to run LARGER tires, we recommend you: DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, and DO NOT run tires larger than 35”. The afore mentioned ball joints and hub a$$emblies will not hold up long if you do.

The last possible cause can be very frightening the first time you notice it go bad. The tracking bar which holds your Dana 44 front axle in tracking with the 1500 series frame. This bar we cleverly designed with a ball type joint in the frame end. Our engineers a$$ured us that this will give you “mad flex”, so we would not consider replacing it with a dual bushing ended track bar as we did on the 2003 ¾ ton series trucks.
When the tracking bar goes bad, you may experience a feeling that has you holding onto the seat with your posterior cheeks…. It is called “Death Wobble”

This “Death Wobble” can cause you to loose control of the vehicle if you are not careful. Please proceed to switch out your tracking bar with an after market bar from DT Pro Fabrications. We would have recommended the Skyjacker offering, however our OEM designed bar is better.. not to mention we have reports of a guy in Pennsylvania with a Solar Yellow 1500 series that has had numerous problems with his. (We should listen to him.. he can be down right mean)

As with all publications, we have tried to cover all the important/common topics that you will run into with your 1500 series truck. We can not always remember EVERY little design flaw.. so please feel free to write us if you know of something we forgot here in these excluded manual pages.

Thank you for the purchase of a 1500 series DODGE Truck. (You have dedicated yourself to keeping money in our pockets by frequently repairing your truck.)

*Amendment after publication*
We would also like to remind you to keep an eye on your rear end. We saw fit to include in most models a Trak Lok limited slip unit. This LSD unit will keep you in the upgrade pits when it detonates. We added this potential detonation feature so you can be reminded that you need lockers !

 

http://www.pavementsucks.com/forums/...39133&forum=11

Here is the original post.

 

oh cool ..............that looks like a good site for offroaders

chevy owning cowerker e-maile that to every dodge owner at work

now I got to find something for him

 

I emailed this to a friend that has a 1500. He agreed with everything. Also said that they forgot to add the "Death Flash" DC started in April 2000....

 

This is unfortunately true but funny!!
The trans appears to be a planned maintenance item.

The intake belly pan, well, wht oh , why did these motors not have this problem in 92,93,94???????????
I have 92 Dak, with 288,000 miles on it and it still runs fine.
I had a 96, then a 98 that both had the pan leaking. The 98 I bought used and the dealer had changed it once (or more), and did the reflash. The truck was a pig that got a whopping 12 mpg on the good days. And it used oil, about 2 quarts per tank. So, I opened it up and found the gasket had been changed, but looking a little closer I found most of the crimped on washers would spin on the bolt!!!!!!!! The bolts were touqued to spec.
The Friggin' holes were not drilled deep enough or the bolts were too long.
And a Qualified Tech put it back together!!!!
I added washers, cleaned it up and put it together and it was cured. Except for the now plugged cat converter.Replaced that and bought a perf. computer and it now got 17-18mpg.
What an honor to know that I was better that the dealers trained staff.

End of rant.

 

while all those items do seem to be common I'd like to note my 01 1500 2wd never gave me a single problem throughout the 80,000km I owned it, and I drove the crap out of it .........mind you I did have a 5.2 5spd, most problem trucks seemed to be 5.9/auto equipt

 

Actual true story. Took a buddy to dealership to help him buy a 2001 1500 quad cab. He bought new truck out of dealer stock 0 miles . He didnt even get home and trans quite working properly. He got a brand new tranny for his troubles. The truck has 60,000 miles on it and its never had any other problem ever. True story.

 

I had 01 1500 quad 4x4 5.2 5 speed never really had a problem except brakes, and it was a gasser I usually got 13-17 mpg but it was stock I bought it new in july 2000 and it had 1500 v8 badge on drivers door and 2500 v8 on passenger door they said they would fix it but I said to leave it. I put 110000 on it and it was worthless when I sold it. then I went to a ctd and never will I change that

 

Dang, you guys have had bad luck havent you? I bought a 96 4X4 5.9 automatic new in 96. I had 180,000 miles on it when I broadsided a semi truck in 2002. Only thing that ever went bad was a crush washer and the actuator for the four wheel drive. BTW, it was a gasser.

 

I've still got a 00 3500 V-10 which has had: 4 dealer replaced crank seals and the 4th one still leaks, but it's out of warranty. 1 fuel pump that went out at 52,000miles, 1 cat that loosened it's guts at 50,000. 1 carrier bearing that went out at 35,000 miles. 1 passenger side bottom 4-link bar that developed a crack at 26,000miles. 2 steering stabilizer shocks, 3 rear u-joints.

 

I'm not sure how you some people drive their trucks, but I have had two Dodges a "96" and a "99". One diesel and one gas burner for a total of 253,000 miles. The only problems: I have had with either one was the fuel gauge got stuck from a ball in the tank and the driver's seat broke from me sitting on it too much, and Oh! the fan came off once too.

The Dodge tranny may be weak, but that is due to the power of the CDT. I think most people don't know how to drive or tow with an automatic IMHO.