HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and Swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat
in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.=20

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill
to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold
front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get
spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden
ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
side for gluing later

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on at with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1
beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck -
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick
pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss
back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from
bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the @#&*&$ cat from tree
across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little @#*&*$'s front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically
and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm, and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1) Wrap it in bacon

 

 

..that's hilarious.My mom's cat used to pretend everything was ok and walk slowly away like she swallowed the pill and a couple days later we'd find a stash of the pills under a bed or in the closet somewhere.

 

And people wonder why my cat is called "Psyco"

 

That was great!
I have a few cat's burried in the back yard. The three we have now take thier pills.
Cats very greatly. Some let you give them a bath while others won't let you near them. I still prefer them over dogs. We can leave them for a week with food, water, and litter and when we get home they don't even realize we left. Can't do that with a pooch.

 

Dogs have a master.

Cats have a staff.

 

Cats are only good for two things; sautéing and grilling.

chaikwa.

 

and dog training

 

 

I like cats - - they taste like chicken!!!

 

Enjoy this...I know I did




Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."





And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.






And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.






And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a crap one way or the other.