Shovelhead

Texan: “Where are you from?”<br> Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”<br> Texan: “OK — where are you from, jackass?” <br><br>BTW the joke told here earlier here about the two hunters was chosen as the #1 funniest joke by a bunch of &quot;Eggheads&quot;.

Hoss

<br><br>Reminds me of another one I heard one time.<br><br>An elderly woman was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing her a ticket, the elderly woman asked, &quot;Officer, would I get in trouble if I called you a jack***?&quot;<br><br>&quot;Well&quot;, said the officer, &quot;yes maam. You certainly would.&quot;<br><br>&quot;Would I get in trouble if I just THOUGHT that you were a jack***?&quot;, she asked.<br><br>&quot;Well, maam, I don't really have much control over that now do I?&quot;, said the officer.<br><br>To that the elderly woman responded, &quot;I think you're a jack***!&quot;<br><br> ;D ;D ;D

Hoss

Java....don't read.

Another one...

A Harvard grad, a Yale grad and an Aggie had all just finished using the urinals in a public restroom. The Harvard grad finished first and proceeded to thoroughly scrub his hands with soap and hot water in the sink. He said, &quot;At Harvard, they teach us that cleanliness is next to Godliness and that we should wash our hands very good after going to the restroom.&quot; The Yale grad finished and proceeded to do the same, stating, &quot;At Yale they too teach us to wash our hands very good after using the restroom.&quot; The Aggie finished his business, zipped up, buckled his belt, and said, &quot;At A&amp;M they teach us not to pee on ourselves.&quot;

DarrellB

A women has 4 different types of orgazims.<br><br>1. The Positive orgazim<br><br> This is the one when she screams, &quot; Oh yes, Oh yes&quot;<br><br>2. The Negative orgazim<br><br> This is the one when she screams, &quot;Oh no, Oh no&quot;<br><br>3. The Religous orgazim<br><br> This is the one when she screams, &quot;Oh god, Oh god&quot;<br><br>4. The Fake orgazim<br><br> This is the one when she screams, &quot;Oh Hoss, Oh Hoss&quot; <br><br>Thank you and good bye. 8)<br><br>Darrell

Dieseldude4x4

DarrellB: <br>Come out smokin <br>Good one..............

Hoss

Change of heart....

Dieseldude4x4

OOPS, not touchin that one. Some subjects I just won't go near. But now that you mentioned it, I... ah never mind.

Hoss

Change of heart....

BigBlue

That's cold. I think I'm gonna stay outta this one.

Dieseldude4x4

YEP, some thigns are better left alone. ;D

Push Rod

One night, Hoss and I are out on the town, carrousing and having a good time. I made the mistake of letting Hoss drive, and next thing I know we're careening down a cliff.<br><br>The next day I wake up, and discover I'm in Hell, and the old devil he's a leering at me. I take a look around, a think to myself that this just isn't a cool situation to be in, so I say's the old devil:<br><br>&quot;Hey dude. I'm from the north country, and all this heat just ain't good for me. There's gotta be a way out of this place.&quot;<br><br>The devil, he looks at me, and says, &quot;Ah yup, you've got one way out: You've gotta make love to the ugliest girl down here.&quot;<br><br>So's I think to myself, that probably not gonna be so bad. Probably dated her back in my college days anyway. So I agree and the devil introduces me to my new date. And let me tell ya this lass is uglier than Hoss's ma, but I go to do my thing.<br><br>On the way into the room, I look down the hallway and I see Hoss walking into another room with a drop dead gorgeous blonde. I think to myself, &quot;that just ain't fair&quot;, but I shrug my shoulders and do my thing.<br><br>After the deeds been done, I head back to the devil and says, &quot;There ya go, the deeds done. Now lemme out of this place before I melt. But just one thing before I go. Why did I get that, uh, looks-challenged girl, while Hoss got the drop dead gorgeous blonde?&quot;<br><br>The devil says, &quot;Its like this: She wanted out too.&quot;<br><br>Rod

Shovelhead

[quote author=dieseldude4x4 link=board=10;threadid=5539;start=0#48643 date=1033749042]<br>YEP, some thigns are better left alone. ;D<br>[/quote]<br><br><br><br>Like Hoss? ???

Dieseldude4x4

Na, gotta keep him stirred up. Especially since he nominated me for the latest HAC member.<br><br>In nearly 48 years, I've learned some things are best not touched. I know when to stop. <br><br>Hey Hoss, you take off that Halloween mask yet?<br>

Shovelhead

Old man is sitting in the pew at Sunday services when a huge cloud of fire and smoke appears and out step Satan hisself.<br>Everyone in the church takes off running except the old man.<br>Satan glides over to the old man and asks &quot;Why aren't you running like the others?&quot; &quot;I'm Satan the lord of the underworld, leader of the demons, Emperor of evil, I can make your life a living heck.&quot; <br>&quot;Aren't you afraid of me?&quot;<br>Old man leans against his cane, and says &quot;Nope, I ain't afraid of you........heck I've been married to your sister for 45 years.&quot;

DarrellB

[quote author=Hoss link=board=10;threadid=5539;start=0#48540 date=1033737209]<br>Me too....but he started it.<br><br>By the way, I was NOT implying that I have ever or would ever do anything with Darrel's wife....only that her O's are fake with him (explaining why she'd call him Hoss....the fake O). ;D<br>[/quote]<br><br>I desevred that. <br><br>Hoss, that's a pretty good one but I'm not married. [undecided]<br><br>Sorry to burst your bubble buddy. <br><br>I don't let my dates say much during sex anyways, gets me all destracted and I forget what I'm doing. and I don't mind if they yell someone else's name as long as they're yelling. <br><br>Tell your wife I said Hi, and I'll be over Monday around 10:30 or 11:00 Monday morning or when ever the old man leaves. :-* ;D<br><br>Sorry :-X<br>Darrell<br><br>