Animal advocacy groups hailed a new suit filed this week against automaker Chrysler, claiming $3.9 billion in compensation for years of unpaid royalties for the use of the names Dodge Ram, Jeep Eagle and Plymouth Roadrunner.

"We just want these animals to get what's coming to them," says Mitchell Shystlicker, the attorney who originated the legal action on behalf of the mammal and two birds. "By filing this claim, we're saying that the animal kingdom has simply had enough. They've been exploited for their pelts, their meat, and now their names. You go out and market a pick-up truck called the Schwarzenegger and you see if Arnold's lawyer doesn't come after you. We just want the same thing they'd do for him."

Mr. Shystlicker explained that his clients' names represent an image of majesty and strength that is being risked by the automobile manufacturer. "The Ram is a noble animal, a beautiful example of strength and agility. What would happen if Chrysler came out with a truck named after it that didn't handle turns well? It would severely damage the image of my client."

Skeptics of the action wonder where the money would go if the case was successful. "What are some stupid birds and overgrown goats going to do with four billion dollars? Buy more feed?"

We referred the question to Mr. Shystlicker. "You see, by calling the noble Ram an overgrown goat it only proves their identity has already been diminished. This suit is long overdue." While this answer didn't satisfy the opponents, we were able to learn from legal briefs submitted to the courts that any money from the suits would be divided as follows: 40% to attorneys' fees, and the balance would go to a newly formed organization called the "Friends for a Better Horned and Winged Life Foundation." Their goal is to fund the proper caretaking of all of earth's animals in their natural habitats.

When asked what is entailed in the proper care of wildlife forms, the foundation responded: "To leave them the heck alone, that's what." We wondered how money earmarked for "leaving animals alone" would actually be spent. "By staying the heck away from them," responded attorney Shystlicker, who also heads the new foundation. "I'm going to Bermuda, then Paris, then Rome, then Singapore–wherever I won't bother these delicate creatures."

taken off of wacky times humor site.

 

: : : :
Lawyers make me want to ...... aw shucks, this is a family site so can't say what I really think about them.
Still think they are lower than snake oil and used car salesmen.

 

Come on Jack - - give us our "upchuck" smiley again. Very appropriate for this attorneys mentioned in this thread.

Hey, what is the difference between a catfish and an attorney?


Give up?



One is a bottom dwelling, scum sucking scavenger.



The other is a fish.

RemainingIncognitoPerChanceOfALawsuitBob

 

That article has GOT to be a joke. :

Besides that....the critters should be honored that they're respected enough to have vehicles named after them. After all, when Dodge or Ford comes out with the next super truck and names it "Hoss"....I'll be walking around like ;D.

 

A few years ago I would have passed it off as a joke, specially when I see his name, "Shystlicker". But in this day and age, unfortunately it could be true.
An upchuck smiley would be great.

 

What....you don't think Shystlicker could be a real name?

 

[quote author=NAIL BENDER link=board=10;threadid=21243;start=0#msg199383 date=1066770755]

When asked what is entailed in the proper care of wildlife forms, the foundation responded: "To leave them the heck alone, that's what." We wondered how money earmarked for "leaving animals alone" would actually be spent. "By staying the heck away from them," responded attorney Shystlicker, who also heads the new foundation. "I'm going to Bermuda, then Paris, then Rome, then Singapore–wherever I won't bother these delicate creatures."

taken off of wacky times humor site.
[/quote]


Hmm a reliable source ;D



AlpineRAM

 

I think that’s my son-in-laws court name.

 

I got so cold here last week, that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets!

(Apologies to any fine practicioners of the law who frequent this site.)


I'mwithBobDeWain

 

"Shystlicker"

that's classic.....

 

That article is obsurd... I wonder if there is any truth to it at all...

However I wonder if Gonzo - with his affinity for sheep - supports this organization???
Thoughts???

 

Save the Sheep!!!!!!!!! >

 

[quote author=GONZO link=board=10;threadid=21243;start=0#msg199767 date=1066840499]
Save the Sheep!!!!!!!!! >
[/quote]
Chevy driver or was it GMC :
DM01

 

sheep don't talk ba a a a a a a a a a a aack!

 

Hoss could sue a motorcycle manufacturer, I have seen a very nice bike called Boss Hoss. Has a 6 cylinder engine and goes very fast. Hoss theres your fortune.