If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track
down those responsible for killing thousands of
innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC.

But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too
old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than
35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing
backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to
fight,
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able
to join until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10
seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of
times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional
seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young
guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a
cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.

If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into
submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's
the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a
legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until
you're at least old enough to legally drink. An
average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed
126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a
jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60
would do wonders for the old beer belly. An
18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old
guys get up early (to pee).

If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd probably forget where we put them. In
fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for
old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled
at and we actually like soft food. We've also
developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We
like them
almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the
obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and
didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging
over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
training. I
can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a
waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a
bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's
still learning to shave, to actually carry on a
conversation, to wear pants without the top of the
butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out,
to learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles,
and that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a
Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great
reasons to
keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about
life before sending them off to a possible death. Let
us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who
attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing
the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of
million old farts with attitudes.

PISTOL

 

MikeyB

 

I'll go......

 

Darn it PW, now you got me drooling over that 60 again. You know, those things make a great sniper rifle. Break a round off the belt and slide it in, pretty derned accurate for open sights. Anyway, you forgot the most important thing......the older guys can't run away, so they HAVE to fight hard. Now move out and draw fire!

Wonderinhowthetitaniuminmyhipandlegwouldholdupunde ra60lbruckdon

 

That would be better than going to the local pay to shoot farm they would pay you and no limits. Don't forget an old timer would be more patient, make sure he could see the knot of the rag on their head before fireing, = more dead.

 

For a long time I've said they should have an Old Farts brigade. They would need about twice as many of us to do the job one young guy can do, but we just might be able to do a couple things the young guns couldn't...

I'd be very willing to go. Besides, radical Muslims are a much larger target than the chipper size ground squirrels I've been killing for the last few weeks.

 

I'll go, where do I sign up. My remaining brain cells didn't come online until after 35 yrs old

 

I did 15 years after starting at age 18... but now after a 7 year break I think I'd be willing to plunk on my old 'round brown' and see if I still got 'it' to whoop a platoon into shape to go shoot up some of them <insert your favorite expletative here> ragheads that's been giving our kids so much trouble over there. They got better toys to play with nowadays too!

Dave