Strap 'em up &amp; Lock-n-Load! You've been chosen because you're the<br>right age.<br>~~~<br> Sending US Old Men to War<br>If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those<br>responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City<br>and Washington, D.C.<br>But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down<br>terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.<br>They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds<br>off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be<br>able to join until you're<br>at least 35. For starters:<br>~~~<br>1. Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old<br>guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more that<br>28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.<br>~~~<br>2. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky<br>soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll<br>complain them into submission. &quot;My back hurts!&quot; &quot;I'm hungry!&quot; &quot;Where's<br>the remote control?&quot;<br>~~~<br>3. An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to<br>war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old<br>guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time<br><br>he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60<br>would do wonders for the old beer belly.<br>~~~<br>4. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get<br>up early (to pee).<br>~~~<br>5. If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd<br>probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial<br>number would be a real brainteaser.<br>~~~<br>6. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to<br>getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've<br>also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them<br>almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle course,<br>however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with<br>rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after<br>training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, &quot;Get down and give<br>me...er...one.&quot; And the running part is<br>kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.<br>~~~<br>7. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still<br>learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants<br>without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking<br>out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a<br>200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an<br>eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a<br>little more about life before<br>sending them off to a possible death.<br>Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our<br>hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right<br><br>now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.<br>

 

 

 

As a matter of fact the Army just sent out a notice asking for retirees to return to duty. You may not be as far off the mark as you think <br><br> Turned down my chance to return to the dark side 8)

 

If the Army asked me to return to duty, I would be there in a second. But don't have me doing crap detail's ;D

 

They probably need you to fill a desk or train recruits while the youngin's go out for some live fire exercises.

 

Top,<br>Notice that it didn't say anything about recalling those of us that are retarded.<br><br>shortround

 

Sorry about that last post. I forgot that I was STILL in and STILL retarded.<br>Feels like Monday again. Got called in last night due to the alarm system going off. Caught a possible terrorist mouse setting off my motion detectors. Dispatched the intruder with a single shot out of my trusty Commander loaded with &quot;special&quot; ammo. Got a bit of repainting to do.<br>Got to run. 0700 meeting.<br><br>shortround out

 

[quote author=shortround link=board=10;threadid=13917;start=0#130874 date=1051098641]<br>Caught a possible terrorist mouse setting off my motion detectors. Dispatched the intruder with a single shot out of my trusty Commander loaded with &quot;special&quot; ammo. <br>shortround out<br>[/quote]<br><br>Hey SR, got a phone call for ya. Somebody from PITA wants to whine at you. <br><br>Rodent removal team being called out.<br><br>~Dave

 

SR I hope you field dressed that mouse and got him ready to add to your MRE for lunch. Finally some real meat in one of those things ;D

 

I don't think I could survive in &quot;today's&quot; politically-correct military. From what I see, this base I work at is more like a college campus than a military installation. I'd be called on the carpet in front of the CO for being the old sergeant and not taking the whiney crap from these younger troops. Then we have the new officers to put up with, too.<br><br>I don't know.......................<br><br>DW

 

The kids today are nothing like &quot;we&quot; were 35 years ago. When we were counseled, we were &quot;counseled&quot;. We didn't have &quot;time out&quot; cards to flash when we were a bit stressed. I look in the mirror every morning at a nose that's still a bit crooked and vividly remember the &quot;little chat&quot; that an old Chief gave me after I &quot;questioned&quot; the validity of his wisdom.<br>Those were the good old days. No political correctness, no worry about offensive language, no gender/sexual orientation sensitivity training, no little grey areas to confuse a person. Just plain old black and white right or wrong.