I am needed to type myself up an official letter of resignation, and i am wondering what all i should include? I have never quit a job before

 

just get your self a pic of you and the bosses daughter in compromising positions, hand that to the boss, no 'writin required. good luck tho, never wrote one my self........

 

Give me a general reason for your resignation and I can get you started. I have a few templates, but they are for various reasons....

Seeking New Challenge?
Going back to School?
Health?
Personal Reasons?
Disagree with Goals/Direction?

 

*clacking of typewriter in background*


Dear boss,

Thanks for the memories,

I quit....

Regards,
JKM

 

How about....

Please accept this letter as my Official Resignation from ___________________

Signed,

____________________________

 

The most important thing to remember is that you are trying to resign, not trying to have your boss beg for you to stay and offer you a raise.

Trust me, I've been through this many times. It's annoying; you give a letter of resignition, and then they spend two weeks trying to make a deal with you to stay, and then after that they think that they're entitled to 2 weeks notice to find a replacement.

When you write a letter of resignition, the trick is to convince your boss that he doesn't want to try to keep you around for two weeks; that way you can get on wih your life without any bickering.

First of all, type in fragments. What you do. Type about three words. At anyone time. More effective than this: death words. At random, amongst fragments. Throw some in. There. Like this:

No more. I can't take this. EVISCERATE. No, I must. DECAPITATE. Leave this establishment. DISEMBOWL. Good bye. CRUCIFY. Nice to never. REND FLESH. Work with you. MINCE. Take care. PULVERIZE.

Another thing to think about: you're already quitting, no reason to be nice, or else they might want to keep you around still. In my opinion, you need to start with the profanity almost immediately. Actually, the best rule to use is the 1-#$%^ Per-Line rule; that is, every line, if you don't say %^&* at least once, then you're not doing very good.

Still, profanity doesn't work as well by itself as it does with some insults too; actually, the very skilled writer will use profanity to insult. YOU $#%^@# %$#$-#$%^&*( works a lot better than just ^%$&, for instance.

But, insults and profanity only serve to make an employer not want to retain you; they don't serve to get out of the two weeks notice.

For that, I prefer some good old fashioned death threats. Maybe a few pictures of some guns, chainsaws or spatulas, followed by a copy of Mapquest directions to their house and a recipe for humanaise.

Threaten to make humanaise out of somebody and they'll get rid of you in a hurry!

Still, with today's capitalistic market putting many people into suicidal depression anyways, death threats may not be effective. For the depressio around the office there are two methods that make a letter of resignation effective.
If they have children, then threaten the worse thing that you can possibly do to them: THREATEN TO GIVE THE KIDS PUPPIES and HAMSTERS while they're NOT LOOKING. That threat alone will get you on your way very quickly.
If they don't have kids, you have to get dirty. My favorite example is to add in a picture of yourself in one of those little helocopters at Chuk-E-Cheese licking the roof with your tongue; glue that picture into your letter and tape your boss' face on the helocopter's tail. Another good pose is to photograph yourself kissing a jack-o-lantern, only staple a dead bunny onto the end of the jack-o-lantern.

So, with liberal use of creative fragmentation, death threats, suggestive pictures and insulting profanity, you will have a very effective resignation notice.

Glad to be any help.

 

What Lary said. You don't need to get into a running chronology of what, when why and how.

Just a simple "Thanks for the oppurtunity, bye now".


Take this job and_____!

 

MEDIC........Begle HAS LOST IT....MMMMEEEEEDDICCC

 

That was umm , enlightening beagle , very enlightening , but my boss is actually dense enough that he wouldn't get what was going on... What have you been smoking by the way?

The reasons i am leaving where i am at, is because i got an opportunity to do something i have wanted to for years, and i was not happy with my job the way it was going, and the problem is with management. They also owe me some money (alot) , and seem to have trouble keeping promises ( yes i realise i should get used to this )

I am planning to tell them i am done either tomorrow , or next week , i have not yet decided.

Oh yeah , one last thing , how does a feller tell his Sweet little ball and chain that he is moving 3500 miles away in a month? Any suggestions on that one beagle?

 

Absolutely, positively keep it positive.

It never pays to burn bridges or to poison references.

 

I think P.J. already answered this one:
~Rob

 

Larry seems to have typed out almost exactly what i am looking for , i may type in a political sounding reason , but not a long one.


And as for that ^^ , I have come close to telling the service manager that a couple of times. All i need is 5 minutes and the forklift (which i have my own key for) to put my toolbox in the back of my truck , and i would never have to grace their doors ever again.

 

I am worried about that boy. I mean really now Beagle.. How many pool cleaning jobs can you quit in a career?

Beagle... This is one thread you should have never posted an answer in. I'm not sure quiting a pool cleaning job qualifies you to be able to intellegently answer this one.

IlovetopickonThePup.

 

hes been drinking chlorine again huh, you cant beer bong chlorine it does somthing to yer head...i think..i dunno though..

 

Dear _________:
The day I started, you told me the doors were closing in a year. I have accepted a position making three times the money. You got two weeks to decide who gets my headache.
Sincerely


Fronty Owner

Two weeks later my boss asked the draftsman if he knew why I wasn't at work...