How to simulate being a sailor.<br><br>~Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the back yard and uncoil the garden hose.<br>~Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout, “Man overboard port side!” Rate your family members on how fast they respond.<br>~Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don’t plug them in.<br>~Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup “Stove manned and ready”. After an hour or so, speak into the cup again “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.<br>~Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.<br>~When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.<br>~For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.<br>~Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.<br>~Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.<br>~Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.<br>~Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.<br>~Take a two-week vacation visiting the red light districts of Europe or the Far East, and call it “world travel”.<br><br> Extracted from the USS Morton, DD 948 Newsletter, July 2003. Ships crewmember from 1963 to 1967.<br><br>~Dave<br>

 

Don't forget these:<br><br>~ Walk around your car (or CTD) for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes<br>~ Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This will ensure that your engine is properly &quot;lit off&quot;.<br>~ Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly losing every 5 piece.<br>~ Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Make them wait in line for at least 1 hour, when they get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but you have dried ham and hotdogs. Repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the menu anymore and just ask for hotdogs.<br><br>NWDave,<br>Thanks for the memories. I have this list posted on the wall in my office. Every time I think that it can't get worse here, I read that list. Kinda puts things into perspective.<br><br>

 

Memories........I like the engineer part best, thanks NWDAVE ;D

 

I'll have to go wade through my archived files and find the original(s). Yes, the engineers stuff too. ON the other hand, it may not make thru the censor filter.