Shark Attack Prevention Strategies<br><br>Using a felt marker, write &quot;Best Before<br>July 2001&quot; on your thigh.<br><br>Wear a really skimpy Speedo -- no one wants<br>to see that, not even a shark.<br><br>Be sensitive to the shark's needs.<br>Sometimes, like you and me, they just need to be<br>held.<br><br>Your startlingly realistic impression of an<br>injured seal?<br>Leave it in the car, dude.<br><br>Always go into the water with the kid who<br>pulls off his scabs.<br><br>Wait at least thirty minutes to go swimming<br>after eating a bucket of chum.<br><br>Only swim on days Miss Cleo says it's safe.<br><br>Don't let your children into the water until<br>the sharks have filled themselves up on the<br>neighbor's kids first.<br><br>Always swim with a slower, juicier buddy.<br><br>When swimming, always bring along a bottle<br>of Zima. Just like humans, sharks hate Zima.<br><br>Avoid heavy use of &quot;Zesty Cajun Flavor&quot; sun<br>block.<br><br>Cover yourself with pictures of Hilliry Clinton,<br>because not even a shark would go near that<br>Skank.<br><br>

 

And then if a shark does attack, stuff your leg as far down it's throat as you can - of course you can only do that twice

 

Honey.... why is this sun block sticky.... hey this says BarBque