As she is mopping the kitchen floor, ask her "What the heck is that in your hands?", as if you have never seen her use a mop before.

This is only one of many ways, I just learned this one this evening.
~Rob

 

I got a better one:

While you are doing the dishes, make a sound as if you are disgusted, then exclaim out loud the following:

Yeah that didnt go over so well...

 

At least you did not call her your ex-wifes' name. I did that once during a "discussion".


I am so very careful not to do that again.


That was about 15 years ago, and I still ain't gonna ask if she remembers.

Ed

 

Are you sure you can say "sex" on this forum? You might get a strike against you or get booted!

Oh my!

 

Never, ever, ever in the middle of an argument say "I'm sorry I was right and you were wrong." I still feel the pain from that one.

 

Coming from the perspective of a wife, another way to stay out of trouble:

"That's not how (insert ex's name) used to do it"

 

This doesnt really deal with the wife thing (sure feels like it sometimes though) anyways my girlfriend and some of her friends and i were eating shakes, and one of her friends said "this shake is kinda chunky" so i turned to my girlfriend and said "hmm kinda like you" out of nowhere and wow, I have NEVER been hit harder in my life!

 

I'm not even married and I can tell you that the 4 words that will get you into trouble with ANY woman is, "Have you gained weight?"

For bonus points add, "Your hips look wider."

chaikwa.

 

go buy some land so you can go deerhunting without telling her, then have the bank send the paperwork to the house instead of work where you asked them to send it. even though year's worth of payments is cheaper then the deer lease. ..........stupid bank

 

This one got me in a ton of trouble. When ever we cook after each meal I will say what I think needs to be done to make it taste better. Mine or her cooking. No insult ment by it just the little things like a little more salt etc. Took a few months as newly weds to get through that one.

 

remember when just LOOKING got you in trouble??!

My husband doesn't cook or clean so we just fight about the important stuff- TOOLS!

Say anything with a smile, she won't know if you are serious and you can act innocent when the ashtray hits the wall next to you.....hehehehe

 

What about when they ask
"Does this dress make me look fat...... No you make the dress look fat"

In all honisty if they ever ask you that, do not take more than .25 seconds to respond. If you take longer than that, they know your thinking....

Man + Think = Trouble with wife.

 

What do you say to a Woman with two black eye's?






Ah, nevermind........

My wife is so good natured, you almost have to try to tick her her off.
Of course, then again, once she get's going...........Watch out!
She keeps trying to get me to let her try out some Tae Bow on me,
Uh un.

 

Ive got one;

When you see the milktruck coming up the drive and say to her "Look sweetie you daddy's here!!"

This is preferably done while her real Dad is standing within earshot.

P.S.- Be ready to run

 

You don't have to be married to be stupid. I was dating a marriage therapist ( I should have known better). So everytime I said hi we would have to get into a lengthy discussion about what I meant by saying hi and the hidden meaning behind it. Yep she was a psycho! So after I told her that I didn't want to see her anymore she asked me " how can you turn off your feelings for me just like flipping a switch"? I proceeded to tell her that I never had feelings for her......... I don't really remember what happened after her head started spinning, but afterwards I had to go buy a new pair of glasses. Sometimes I wonder if she still listens to the voices in her head.