Need some advice here guys/gals. Here's the situation. I might have the opportunity to make a lateral transfer with my job to a town 4 hrs from here but I'm getting some flack from my wife and in-laws. The problem is all of our family is here and we have the only set of grandchildren on both sides so naturally the grandparents don't want us to go but something has to give. Our public school system is horrible and the towns population is deteriorating as we speak. Sure it sounds like a no brainer but I don't want to create a hostile environment if I (we) decided to move. This lateral move would also be a sweet deal on my part (same money but 1/2 the employees and 2/3 less paperwork) which means less stress. I've weighed all the options financially and academically and they all point me towards the move. I think for my last ditch effort I'm pulling the different schools report cards from www.greatschools.net and let my wife see what we would gain. If this doesn't work, how would you guys/gals that have "been there done that" handle this?

 

Leave in the middle of the night?



On a serious note I would sit every one down at dinner and lay it all out there on the table as far as the benefits for the kids, the safer neighbor hoods, the economy, and the lower stress level for your health. They are going to have some resistance but in reality they should know its for the good of your family and there only a phone call or a email away. My folks did this when the mill shut down and moved all of us 6hrs away from all my grandparents and it did not go over well but eventually every one saw the light and how much better it was.

 

Its only 4 hours away. You can come back every weekend no problem.

 

Do what's best for you and your family. That should be foremost in your mind. Calmly explain it to your wife until she agrees. The grandparents will get over it. Guaranteed.

 

I am currently considering a move of about 4 hours to get a better job and the in-laws don't really sound very "down" with the idea (sorry for the street lingo, i couldn't figure out how to spell the word i wanted to use). But i know that they will come to terms with it if we decide to make the move. It is just an idea at this time, but the pay's better and the job is in a less stressful environment with better hours so it's a good upgrade. Honestly you should do what you and your wife think is best for you and your immediate family, the rest of your family will come to terms with it, and if they can't then they aren't very supportive to you. just my .02

 

I left my parrents to move on with my life, I live 7 and some change from home... maybe if they payed my bills they would have something to say about it. I understand the fact that they do not want you to leave with the grandkids, and I think that is cool, but if they are throwing a major fit about it, something's not right. 4 hours is not that far to drive for a weekend, if they want to see them that bad.

Good luck, man. My family is very important to me. I'd do almost anything to make their quality of life better.

 

There are several factors involved in a decision like this that only you can evaluate. Some things for me that come to mind with my family and situation are...

How long have you lived there?
Were you and/or your wife born and raised there?
How does the new area compare to this area (rural, metro, suburban???)
Are your children younger or nearer to high school aged?

My wife and I relocated from our first residence in a town that she had lived for 30 years. Additionally, our new home was RURAL to say the least compared to the last home and it was a big adjustment. Then we had our first child with no family or friends that were close. Things are getting better but it's been 2 years.

I can tell you that I really don't know if I would have done it again, given the chance.........

Oh, and considering you are staying with the same company, I assume that the location you are in now is stable. If the future of that division is suspect, then that would weigh very heavily on my decision.

Sorry for the rambling. Take care,
Jason

 

I think that is the key phrase right there.

You have to do what is best for your children and family. They are your number one priority. My child and wife come absolutely first in everything that I do. The in-laws may just have to get over it. 4 hours might not be right around the corner anymore but it isn't that far away either. Ask yourself this. Would you try to keep your in-laws from moving if they wanted too?

I went through a similar situation a couple of years ago but in the end my family came (and always will) in first.

By the way, my wife and all her family are from lower AR. also. Camden to be exact.

Britt

 

I moved almost 800 miles away from a very close family when I graduated college for my new job. When I go home I can kind of tell that there is resentment within the family but I am sure that they will eventually understand. If you are worried about what they will say, let them know why you are moving, show them the facts and if they still do not agree with you make the decision that you feel is best for you and your family. If you are actually a close family they will come around to your reasoning and it might even make you a closer family. Just my opinion.

 

Thanks for the support guys. My wife and I were both raised here and have deep roots but I think it's time to do something before it's too late. My boys are 10 and 8 so I think that they would have an easier adjustment now than when they're in high school. My job is a gov job so there is no threat of me losing it unless I steal or shoot somebody which I don't see happening anytime soon. Oh yeah, the greatschools link worked. Now she's on board, well, not all the way but more than before and will support whatever decision I make (at least that's what she told me).

Hey Britt, where do your in-laws live? I'm in Hope.

 

I moved my family (wife and 2 small kids) 3500 miles across the country. My family did not like it much, nor did my ex - wife and my 2 teenage twins that live with her. It was not a rash move, all the pros and cons were weighed and this took about 4 months. In the end my wife and I did what we thought was going to be the best for our family. My boy's come to visit me in the summer and 1 may move down permentaly with me. bottom line is do what is best for you and your family, when the stress is gone the home life is all that much better. I am talking from experience. Now don't get me wrong it was not easy but it was the right thing to do, and I don't reget it one bit.

 

Grandparents WILL get over it. Eventuallly, the time spent with the Gs will be even more special than it is now. 4 hours away isn't very far at all. Your family (wife, kids, yourself) come first.

 

Yea....I spend that much time running to get supplies....

 

The grandparents need to respect the fact that your wife and your children are YOUR responsibilty and YOUR family( hence the term extended family to cover them)
The wife and kids need to come first, the grandparents wishes and such are secondary, if not third or fourth on the list.
As their father, you have a responsibility to make the hard choices that will be best for them in the long run, and if that means moving to an area that will provide a better education and therefor a better future,so be it.
I cant count how many people I know who live across the nation from the kids grandparents or other family and dont feel deprived or have any issues.
4 hours away is close, and the grandparents need to realize that they are lucky that it isint further away..

 

I moved 2 hours away from family and friends for a job a little over a year ago.... Not a biggie, I see them often.