How do these people survive?

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use
copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!


Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

 

Ohh, thats good stuff Wolfey boy. I had a similar incident with a blone and a toyota who couldnt open her car. I calmly asked her what she was doing.She said she was telling the remote "Open". I laughed and said here. I pushed she unlock button. she said, your magic? i said, no your stupid! LMAO

Dom

 

Can't tell you how many times the total at the fast food joint was $5.??,
I give the pimply faced youngster a 20 and get $15 and change back.

I saw a lady, brunette though , in a store parking lot trying to push the unlock button through the back of the remote.

Tried pointing it at the car, up in the air, down at the ground, to the east, to the west,
grinding that poor button like there was no tomorrow.

Must have been at least two minutes before she figured the battery was dead
and realized there was a key hole right next to the handle.


phox

 

We were in a sub shop and Megs asked what all goes on a Veggie sub...the answer...
Clerk says; "Absolutely nothing."

So Megs says she'll have one and the clerk says; "But theres no meat on it."

 

I worked at a lumber counter at a small local home improvement store while in college. One day a guy walked up to us and asked "How long are your two by four eights?". We told him "96 inches sir". He replied "Oh, you don't have any eight footers?" D'oh

~Rob

 

maybe we should just nuke ourselves...

 

They sound good, just #6 seems to make its way around in a few diffrent forms.... http://www.snopes.com/autos/techno/cruise.asp
Tom

 

That number 6 heard it from a WA state patrol. I 5 north was supposed to be where it happened.
Or these stories just make the rounds.

One of the computer tech I work with had a service call where the person siad the coffee cup holder broke. The dvd player.

Now the cash registers at some places show what change to give back. ie 2 doller bills 1 quarter, 3 pennies.
The clerks dont' know how to count change.

 

Years ago I worked in a pizza parlor. A guy calls in, orders a small pizza and asks how many slices we cut it into. I tell him 8. He says " Jeez, I don`t think I can eat 8 slices, can you cut it into 6?"

 

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

Ignorance is bliss. They are too stupid to realize that they are stupid. Probably happier than us. lol

 

This one's been around for almost 30 years. My favorite version is of a foreign military flight student training here. After flying with an autopilot, he gets into his RV (he's the son of some prince or something), sets the "autopilot" (we Americans are so ingenious!), goes to the back to mix a drink and the inevitable happens.

I've also heard the one about the smoke from the back of the computer and the last one, too.

The sad thing is that they're all capable of being true....

 

This is true, My wife and I were in the local Walmart. We placed our items on the belt and when it became our turn the clerk asked us "Are you going to buy all of that". My Reply, "I was planning to unless you are going to let us walk out with paying" She thought about it for a few second and said "NO, you had better pay."
AS Bill Engville says it "Heres your sign". we cracked up outside because we had just watched "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour" a few days before and this was one of Engville's jokes.

 

Too think we worried about the Russians for so long. When stationed in Germany, I had a German friend that was a mason. He lived in a town on the old border. When the border opened, his company hired an East German. First day or two everything was good, and they were happy with the quality of his work. Later after he took what the foreman thought was a long enough brake, he confronted the guy for sitting around. He asked the guy what he was doing and was told he was waiting for more bricks. Over there, they had reduced unemployment by giving everybody a "task". But most only actually "worked" on the job a couple days a week.

 

#6 does seem to be very popular. When I lived in Washington state, my next door neighbor was an RV salesman. He told me that had happened to him twice while prospective customers were test driving a motorhome. He would stand beside the customers as they took the motorhome for a test drive, all the while explaining the bells and whistles of the vehicle. Twice, the customers set the cruise control and proceeding to get out of the driver's seat. Stunned, he asked them to get back in the seat and DRIVE. When he asked them what they were doing, they simply said they were going to walk around the motorhome and check it out. He made them stop the vehicle, he took the wheel, drove them back to the dealership and refused to sell them an RV. Spooky

 

"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity." - From the Notebooks of Lazarus Long by Robert A. Heinlein