Whats a guy to do. My gals son moved up to the bay area with his father around a year ago. We get to see him on most holidays and part of the summer. It kills me to see what was a straight A student with a talent for writing poems and stories, even had a book made,and bragged about wanting to being a Navy seal, now become what he is. We picked him up the other day and he gets off the bus with a bright red mohawk haircut wearing a ratty army coat and ripped up pants. Also a leather spiked collar. <edit> is up with kids these days. at 15 years old he going downhill like a ball of ****. I guess I should ask <edit> is up with his dad. Ive been down this road before with my Xwife and learned to try to be a friend rather than a bastard father. I lost all communication by doing that last time around.
I was truly embarassed to be seen with him when we went out for dinner when he showed up. As always when we get home we make him wash out his DO and put respectable cloths on.
What to do? Yeah I know open up a can of whop <edit>

Edited by Moderator EA

 

What kind of values does his father have? His mother? Believe it or not, most kids absorb the values their parents have. Don't worry, he's just asserting his independence like you and I and every other teenager did.

This doesn't mean you don't set rules and expect him to toe the line.

Edwin

 

I know when I was growing up the worst feeling I could have was to disappoint my father although I went through some stages like all kids do.
My brother still wears his hair long-36 years old now- and has commented over the years how he gets angry to be stereo typed or harrassed but he brings it on himself.
Maybe just letting your son know you feel he's better than what he is showing you. Also the fact that he is closing a lot of doors for his future with the appearance.
I would probably greatly atribute it to his circle of friends. It seems it would be embarrasing to go in public like that if you didn't have the strength of your friends backing you up.
I wish you luck and feel for you.

 

It doesn't in any way indicate a lack of values, or a failure of education, or anything else of that nature. Rather, you have just realized that your grandchild happens to be a rebel. I'd recommend eradicating him and all his kind immediately in order to perserve the walfare of humanity.

Let me explain my radicalism regarding the subject... Throughout history, most juveniles have, in their teenage years, began to shed their veils of immaturity and replace it with a well-observed obedience to their parent's society and culture. Often times, they will even go out of their way in attempting to mimic their parents' generation as closely as possible. This natual, instinctual stage of human development is very important, as it is critical for both the development of the organism as an adult and the propelling of the human culture as it is. It is widely accepted by many solciologists that without this willing adoption of a parent's culture by the child, all of today's society will collapse and be replaced with nomadic barbarianism.

Honestly sir, you disgust me. It is one thing to judge a book by its cover, but this book happens to be your grand son. Parents' success at raising a child will NOT be seen in what that child wears, nor on how closely that child wants to act like his parent. Rather, the mark of successful parenting is whether or not good morals are imprinted.

You expect your grandson to adopt his parents' culture- that is unrealistic and unreasonable. Morals can be passed on, but clothing cannot. Determine your stance on today's child based on morals, for a person's inner feelings and ideals stay the same from generation to generation.

And if you look at the development of ideals and morality, the children of today are the exact same children as they were 10,000 years ago. And the adults are the same too. Actually, if you look at history, humanity hasn't changed the slightest in 10,000 years.

EDIT: And what is the matter with long hair? You think George Washington and Benjamin Franklin would see short hair as manly? Look at the people who framed our Constitution- back in the day, real men wore wigs! And hose in some parts of the world! What failures of society they were. And look at their children who started abandoning their parent's hose- for shame.
Short hair was radical at one point. 100 years ago, everybody had beards...

 

In most cases, a child is a product of their environment.........?

 

well written Begle1.... couldn't have said it better myself.

(man did i say that????)

britt

 

Not withstanding all the arguments above, it's not what he wears. It's who he is. Granted, what he wears does say something about who he is, but it could just be an image he's trying to project to fit in with his peers. Remember, the most creative among us seem to be the most outrageous, too. You did say he was a writer, right?

There was a guy who showed up at Aviation Officer Candidate School while I was there with long hair, baggy pants, pierced ears etc. Did he bring attention to himself? You betcha. Did he complete the program and get a commission? Yep. Went on to flight school, too. Now, the military does obviously require comformity to its rules, but SEALs and aviators push those limits and it doesn't sound like he's doing anything to hurt his chances at being a SEAL. Now, if the looks accompany the stereotype we have of someone who looks like that - drugs, primarily - then he's done as far as being a SEAL.

Would he get hired by IBM? Doubtful, but something tells me he wouldn't fit in there anyway.

There is something to be said for knowing when to turn that stuff off, though and if he's meeting you for dinner at a nice place and shows up like that? Well, just get up, and leave. Take him home and let him make his own dinner. Teach him when it's OK to let go and when he needs to reign it in. And what the consequences of not doing so are.

But that's just me....

 

It's difficult in fact close to impossible to raise a non-freakish kid in the bay area. It is the land of fruits and nuts. I feel for you. It's a slippery slope with step-kids. Darned if you do and darned if you don't. Getting him out of the bay area would be a good step if possible.

 

 

yeah i know!

britt

 

Don't worry, Britt...

I'll never let you forget it...

Mwuahahaha...

 

man... are you going to leave that in your Signature??? OH GREAT!


GREAT isn't really what i said but i apparently i got edited. Sorry! bout that Phox!


all kidding aside. it was a good post.

britt

 

Yeah the Bay area IMO is not the kind of place I would expect anything to grow up normally. Were simple workin people with good values I think. His father on the other hand Is a bunghole IMO to let his son act/look as he does. Its hard to change a child when you only see him every month if that. We make him feel alienated when we talk about his issues or ask about his particular hair style. He always complained of not being accepted because he didnt wear $100 tennies or have a new whatever every month as the other kids in his school enviroment. His mother simply couldent afford these things, and your right by saying the cloths dont make the man but other issues have come up as well. He hangs out with some good kids here, up there I have no idea, Ive only seen some pics and they dont look good IMO. Yes he`s being rebellious .I suppose My life sytle has contributed to his rebellion and I imagine someday he will change. I guess I owe my folks an apology for being me as a youth and what I put them thru. Hum.... paybacks are a well, you know.

 

Personally I can see both sides of the coin on this issue. I was always "dressed appropriately" growing up, as well as polite, etc. For the most part I still am. So on a separate note, but I think still interesting though is the "rebellion" issue. For instance, my parents political opinions are 180 degrees opposite from mine. They're extremely liberal, left wing bleeding heart, you name it democrats. And this was the political environment that I was raised in. Of course, once I got in high school and "started thinking for myself" I learned that I am quite conservative, and lean more to the republican side of things. Mom and dad always joke that they're disappointed and that they raised me different than that. But it goes to show as an example that outlooks can be different without any "real" problems.

I hope everything works out and everybody can reach some kind of agreement.

 

Begle you seem to be quite upset with my mentioning long hair. I didn't put my brother down for having his hair long- I had long hair in my younger days. I am only saying our apppearance does make an impression on people. If my son walks in with a mohawk 12 years down the road I know I will not be pleased.
Good luck Apache. I know what it is to want only the best for your children ( in your case grandchild). Anyone who doesn't have children couldn't possibly know what you are feeling.