Old guy here, man up and and back away from the other girl. If you're not happy at home either take the steps necessary to fix it or get apart. Do it the right way, above board, no playing on the side, no nothing. You wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot. What makes you think she should?

 

Couldn't agree more Hat.. Been marreid to my wife for 6 years and together for 14 years. After 14 years you kinda run out of "new things".. My wife hates DTR, hates the money I spend on my truck, doesn't like hunting or fishing. If I wanted someone who liked everything I do, I would've had to marry a man

As for the barn thingy. ITS A BARN!! Relationships and happyness is a heck of allot more important than use of a barn.

 

At this point in your life you have to worry about YOUR happiness. If your relationship has gone south you need to have a sit down and tell her the truth. No one likes to intentionally hurt someone elses feeling(well most people anyway) but the best thing you can do is make a decision and then stick by it. As has been said the grass always looks better on the other side of the fence, but remember it still has to be mowed. It's nice to find someone that enjoys the same things that you do but it is kinda like working at the same place with your wife. You see her all day and then see her all night to--enough is enough--someone needs a little break. I don't think you need an exclusive relationship right now--look around--play around--then when your ready-go for it, but remember it last for a long long time---and if it doesn't it can get real expensive in a hurry.
Good luck
Jay

 

Here's my story.... (hopefully you can learn from my experiences)

I'm 22 (23 this month), been with a decent girl for 5 years in March (Minus a month earlier this year, details on that later.)

I started my dating career on a bad foot. In high school and early college I had a young immature girlfriend that was obsessive. That lasted 11 months and I took it as a learning experience. I stopped seeing my friends, my family, even my hobbies. I promised myself I wouldnt do that again.

Next relationship was a girl in college that was crazy, literally. I hung out with my family and friends, enjoyed my hobbies and spent time with her, not too bad except, did I mention she was crazy? She tried beating me up numerous times, punched a wall, broke her hand, banged her head on desks, the whole kaboodle. Two things I learned in that 3 month period were 1) The worst way to respond to a female that wore herself out hitting you in the chest, is responding "you done yet?" and 2) Dont date crazy girls!

Then onto the girl I am dating now. We met my 2nd semester of college, she was in high school (first thoughts said stay away from high schoolers) but I gave it a shot. We hung out a few times, her dad wasnt a huge fan but what dad is? Her mom liked me. She met the requirements from my previous dating experiences (not crazy, very mature for being 17, didnt stalk me, trust going both ways) So we start dating. First year was cool, she finished up high school. After that she went to the college I was at for business admin with a concentraiton in management to take over her mom's business one day. We pretty much lived together her first year and actually lived together her 2nd and 3rd year. I graduated in December 2008, she graduated May 2009. Starting Summer 2008, I felt like I was falling into the mundane relationship trap. About a month after she went back to college for her last semester, I broke it off to find out "what I want".

I was talking to a girl that was intellectually inclined and intrinsically motivated, which I really like in a girl. After breaking it off, I got to know the new chick and it was the same old story. The more I got to know her, the less I liked her. She was full of drama and people I don't want to be associated with because of their life decisions, smart on paper, but was as sharp as a bowling ball when it came to common sense (typical for most girls). Was not interested in my hobbies and not exactly up to par on fiduciary responsibilities. That road led nowhere and I ended up appreciating what I had alot more.

Lucky for me my current girlfriend waited a month for me to come to my senses (and get my head out of my hind end) and we got back together sometime in March or April. I have a better appreciation now but she has a scar that will not heal anytime soon. We have moved on and are buying a house next month. My final learning experience that I would like to share is there is no such thing as the perfect person. You will never meet someone that enjoys your hobbies as much as you do, thinks the same way you do, acts the same way you do; but what you need to do is find someone that is good enough. Find someone that may not like spending every weekend under the hood of a diesel truck but enjoys riding in it, make sure you can agree on the basic things and dont worry about the little stuff, because that is exactly what it is, little stuff. My girlfriend and I are going to make an effort to not have a boring everyday schedule but it is something we both have to want, not one sided. The house is a big step, little projects will keep us busy but not too busy to take the streetbikes out for a weekend here and there or relaxing by a bonfire with our friends. Find someone that is good enough or you will be searching your whole life.

 

I agree with BigE. I have been divorced for 9 years (10 in January) and thank the Lord we get along and the kids are not physco freaks. I have dated many since the divorce and looking back, I seemed to have granaded the relationships intentionally due to commitment issues. Well I have pulled my head out and have been dating Kathy now for a few months and things could not be better. We do have a lot in common though and that does help but I have yet to get her out under the hood of the black bucket to help wrench although she keeps telling me she would. Like stated above, working on trucks, huntin, fishin etc.. is your time alone to recharge the batteries.

Kathy does love to get on the Harley and just get lost and that is fun together seeing different country and forget where we came from and the kids! LOL...

Use your head, make the right decision and if you do break it off, be the man you are and do it face to face, tell the truth. I would also tell the new chick what is happening and that you need to make the decision. Stop walkin the dogs together cause the next thing ya know you will be in the sack and after that, there is no going back

 

Yep a ton of good advice here. I'm 20 and in my first year of college and I have never been in a relationship anywhere near that long. The sad thing is, ALL women are crazy and yes good luck finding one wanting to do the things you do. The only good thing that I can say is I don't let them tie me down, we break it off that's it, no getting back together ever, which seems like a HUGE waste of time for most people my age who break up and get back together 10 times. The thing I find is, if your friends and hanging out a bit it seems great you want to be with them, but when your in a relationship it can almost feel like a pain to go be with them.

Good luck which ever you decide, but if you aren't happy you got to change something.

 

Single and lonely...
or
Married and bored.

 

That is some solid advice. I 'm going to pick that up and run with it.

I was married at 20, divorced at 21. I 'm now 22 and got my self into a current relationship that i 'm not exactly happy with. As a good buddy of mine told me, you're either going to nut up or shut up. I've got to break this one off.

 

Seems to me that the first thing you need to do is to find yourself.

This is a lot easier said than done.

However, it's worth it. Any woman you date in the future will greatly appreciate your stability, honesty, and communicative skills that so many other guys simply do not posses.

How are your other friends? Who else do you hang out with (and who else does she hang out with)? What do you do with other people, in groups, etc? And this "new" girl - who are her other friends and how well do they know her? Pesonally, I would think that her huge intrest in all your activites is a way to "use" you a bit to get inside of a relationship. (Been in this situation, recently.)

As for me and my dating principals, I follow them to the letter, out of the Bible. Hope that's not too offensive for anyone, however living together prior to marriage isn't an option for me, and if you start looking into the stats on it, this greatly increases your likelyhood of divorce.

What you choose to believe, follow, practice, etc is your choice, I won't preach at you. However I will say that I saw warning signs with my girlfriend this summer (and other friends confired many of those and pointed out others as well) and I released her back into the Lord's care. It's saved me tons of heartache, and I'm better prepared when the next young lady comes along.

And please - Take Your Time. This isn't something to rush.

 

If they are offended by the word its not your problem you are to put it out there for them to do with it what they will.

Good Job Brother.

 

Man up and tell her your feelings, it's better to hurt her all at once then slowly, life is too short. You either break up with her and move on your own and make it with the other girl. Or you realize the other girl isn't for you and move back in with girl #1 if she'll have you back. Sounds like you need to figure a few things out, if girl #1 isn't the girl you see being the mother of your children and your best friend for life then maybe you might wanna move on... you've been together long enough to figure that one out and you need to find that green pasture.

You could also possibly fix relationship with girl #1 and forget about the previous paragraph. Regardless though there are plenty of 70x40 shops out there, if you're getting something from your woman's family it comes with a price... High price. I've seen men fall into these situations and it just isn't worth it, trust me I'm 27 and seen it... and don't want it it just mucks up the relationship.



I was reading through this and can say the same thing. Never happy!

 

Married for 25 years going on 26. Not bored at all. One thing couples NEED is common ground. Things that both of you enjoying doing. Its not always the s word men. You learn to adapt...If you always want excitement in your life, put a grenade in your front pocket. That should ramp you up.

 

I guess Im a poor source for advice on this.
At 23, I was married with 3 kids.
Im 36 now. Same wife, same kids. We go thru periods where its sit at home and watch TV in different rooms. We try to go out weekly, even if its just for a cup of coffee.
My first thought was welcome to adulthood. I dunno. do what you feel is best.

 

CONGRATS!!!

 

Most of the above seems to be very solid and good advice the underlying theme seems to be, think about it before you do something stupid.
Its good advice, think about it and talk about it, not with the new girl with the one you are with now and do it soon.
Just make sure that you are thinking with the right head before you act.