An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.<br><br>An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.<br><br>A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)<br><br>An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.<br><br>A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.<br><br>An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.<br><br>A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.<br><br>A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a &quot;brief.&quot;<br><br>A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.<br><br>A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.<br><br>A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.<br><br>A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.<br><br>A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.<br>

 

NWDave: A schoolteacher is a disillusioned person who used to think that they liked children.

DeWain (Teaching school in NW Michigan)

 

Consultant sound like a quick buck, but I think I have more experience as the Diplomat 8)