herb

Noah in 2005

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

iker42

Well Herb, I read this ready for a far left story, BUT that WAS GREAT!!!!

Thats a good one

Mike

bama

good read there herb,,,,,,,,,,,on an a side note,did you see the study that found you could take every single person in the whole world,put them all in texas,and it would still be fewer people per square mile than lives in new york city?it was debunking the myth of over-population..................bama

BigBlue

You know what's scary is that it would actually happen just like that. Except you'd have to add in a religious group claiming discrimination because their god doesn't believe in flooding the earth and then you'd have the political groups accusing each other on who's fault it was and that would lead to another michael moore film which would lead to world wide panic.

Sidewinder

6.5 BILLION (6,500,000,000) people divided by 268820 square miles in Texas is 24179 people per square MILE. Are you sure this is less than New York City???

That would incredible!

bama

heck,,i dont know sidewinder ...i just saw it on tv the other night,,........... ..oh well!

bama

new york city population-about 8.2 million.......area of new york city is 303 square miles.....that would be about 30,000 people per square mile .........see if thats what you find,i wanna be sure before repeating this...............bama

PistolWhipt

Herb ... that was a good one !!! Hits the nail on the head.

PISTOL

herb

thanks. I think you have the wrong perception of most left wingers. I think the major difference in right wing and left wing thinking is the lefts willingness to help the folks who need help (i do not include people who are able to help themselves).
Altho I personally am a little off the scale as far as being a normal left winger in that I lean towards being an isolashonist <sp>. Meaning take care of our own and police the borders to prevent unwanted people from entering this country. Unwanted meaning people we are going to have to support or house in our prisons.

SoTexRattler

Is that enough room for all those "Texans" to park their pickup trucks too?
K.

tenbrooks

The way I heard it was, every person in the world could live in texas and have 5 acres of land. That was a few years back, probably cut down to 4acres now Good one Herb, maybe theres hope for you after all

BigBlue

Well, they'll have to fight me for their 4-5 acres. I've got my 22 and I'm gonna keep it at all costs.

tenbrooks

I heard dat!