Literary Putdowns

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Mar 7, 2003 | 10:11 AM

NWDave

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From: Bellingham Washington

Literary Putdowns

"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults." - Louis Nizer (1902 -1994) "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man & worships his creator." - John Bright "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston Churchill "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul." - David Lloyd George "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open." - Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable) "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." - Mark Twain "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "She is a peacock in everything but beauty." - Oscar Wilde "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)