The Laws of Ultimate Reality
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I wish I was as fine, as those who work the pipeline!
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,639
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From: Wyoming
The Laws of Ultimate Reality
The laws of mechanical repair -
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity -
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi -
If you tell your boss you were late because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath -
When somebody is fully immersed in water, the phone rings.
Law of Close Encounters -
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically if you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of Result -
When you try to prove to someone that a machine does not work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of Theater -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers -
If there are only two people in the locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
The Law of Physical Surfaces -
the chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor rug/carpet are directly correlated to the newness, cost and stain-ability of the rug/carpet.
Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Public Speaking -
If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of Probability -
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity -
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you will never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi -
If you tell your boss you were late because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath -
When somebody is fully immersed in water, the phone rings.
Law of Close Encounters -
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically if you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of Result -
When you try to prove to someone that a machine does not work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of Theater -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers -
If there are only two people in the locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
The Law of Physical Surfaces -
the chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor rug/carpet are directly correlated to the newness, cost and stain-ability of the rug/carpet.
Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Public Speaking -
If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of Probability -
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
DTR's Volcano Monitor, Toilet Smuggler, Taser tester, Meteorite enumerator, Quill counter, Match hoarder, Panic Dance Choreographer, Bet losing shrew murderer
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 965
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From: Kenai Alaska
I gotta try and remember Oliver's Law. Could save me problems in the future.
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