Sent to me from my wife:

To: ALL E.M.S. PERSONNEL

FROM: Chief of Operations SUBJECT: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots", Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to ****), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotrachael intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being " paws up", ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no longer playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.
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Those of you in this career field will probably understand the above.

DW

 

I'm not in that field, but the "glow worms" one was funny.

 

Listening to my scanner I heard "Dirt Nap" in describing the victims condition once.

Immediately followed by "Sorry, I mean Echo Condition"


phox

 

LMSLHATWO ;D

 

Heard some good ones before but there are some new ones there! The glow worms was classic.

Being in this field it's kinda sick to think of this but I guess its the only way cope with it u know. Anyone else in the field can relate.

 

When the guy on a crotch rocket doing 140+ ran into my little brother's front end I overheard one of the First Responders make a crack about the guy getting an "asphalt enema." Pretty apt way to describe it if you ask me.

I can imagine the mindset that comes with an EMT job - especially when all you ever do is have to clean up the mess after things have already happened. Gotta be tough to stay in instantaneous reaction mode constantly.

Hat's off to all of the emergency personnel out there.

 

I've used a lot worse than that in the field, but I wouldn't dare put something like that on paper. How would you like to explain that in court?

"Firefighter Weidenkeller, your patient care report states that the victim was FUBAR. Would you care to explain the meaning of that to the court?"

I didn't see "doing the cockroach" on the list, guess they don't use that one in those parts.

Although I hate to admit it, I told a cop at a auto vs. pedestrian "sometimes you're the windshield, some times you're the bug", and another cop at a shooting that the victim expired from an overexposure to lead....... ;D ;D


It only gets worse