Yeah i am looking for that guys anyone have it on file or can post a link for it i know i saw it on here but no luck searching for it???

 

There are a variety of versions of this joke. To see some of them go to Google and type in "chili tester". If this does not work for you let me know.

 

Is this the one you're after???<br><br> THERMAL ANALYSIS<br><br>Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my Community to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original personal called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're a writer and therefore known and adored by all.<br><br>Here are the scorecards from the event:<br><br>Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili<br><br>JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.<br><br>JUDGE TWO:. Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.<br><br>MITCH: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove<br>dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two<br>beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one.<br>These people are crazy.<br><br>Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili<br><br>JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight<br> Jalapeno tang.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be<br> taken seriously.<br><br>MITCH: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.<br><br>Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili<br><br>JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs<br> more beans.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red<br> peppers.<br><br>MITCH: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located<br> a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been<br> sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon.<br> Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call<br> her &quot;Sally.&quot; Probably behind her back they call her<br> &quot;Forklift.&quot;<br><br>Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic<br><br>JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.<br> Disappointing.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.<br><br>MITCH: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was<br> unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with<br> fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see<br> her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled<br> and uncoiled-it's kinda cute.<br><br>Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover<br><br>JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly<br> ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.<br><br>MITCH: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed<br> paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved<br> my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a<br> pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other<br> judges asked me to stop screaming.<br><br>Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety<br><br>JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good<br> balance of spice and peppers.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.<br><br>MITCH: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind<br>me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing<br> later.<br><br>Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili<br><br>JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned Peppers.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned<br> chili peppers at the last moment. I should note<br> that I am worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.<br><br>MITCH: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in<br> one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing<br> water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid<br> unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at<br> autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save<br> yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm<br> sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided<br> to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting<br> any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in<br> through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files<br> people and tell them I've found a super nova on my<br> tongue.<br><br>Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili<br><br>JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili,<br> neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of<br> it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled<br> the chili pot on top of himself.<br><br>JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.<br>

 

LMAO that is funny. I had everyone in my calss looking at as i . I think it was because of my laugh <br>DM01

 

 

ah man, my stomache hurts bad from laughing.. A bunch of us in my office were busting up over that one! that was great!