Well Guy's I signed the paper work to get rid of the cheater, The cheater and I are though on speaking terms and we both have been fair as regards to kids and visitation etc. I am seeing a marriage therapist about his event I had seen and also going to a Baptist Church divorce grieving group on wednesdays, both have help with this loss of everything I have worked for the past 12yrs. The house is going into a Short Sale condition@299k valued at 350k. So I asked the cheater the other if it was worth it to loose everything we have worked for this fling, she had no answer, but just to ask me what my work schedule was for December so she knows when to rendezvous with her new third member.. Pretty sick IMO, She's not worried about the kids and almost ecstatic/excited about the divorce and loosing the house.. I cant figure her out, I think she is mentally gone.
Doug.. Back on the market soon.
BTW, I've hit the weights again and have lost 35lbs since all of this crap started. I am also living in a apartment home and have the kids over more and more, its like she doesn't want to be a mom anymore.

 

Get the kids if you can,they will be better off. she sounds like my ex

 

Good job man. I myself let mine come back. She didn't cheat per say but relationship was never the same. True respect to you man

 

Good for you man!!!!

If possible, get the kids full time. Sounds like you are the only real parent they have now and they will be much better off with you than her.

 

Dang, sorry to hear this man. Wish you the best of luck! Just keep taking it out at the gym

 

What's a short sale do to your credit score? Or is it just something where you ask what you owe on the house and dump it fast?

 

A short sale is basically an agreement between you and the bank to let the house goto sale quick for less than what is on the bank note (mortgage) without it affecting your credit score.



Doug,

Any house, condo, or apartment can be a home for your kids. Get them settled in and provide the stability they need since it looks like your soon to be ex just isn't going to be there physically or mentally for them. What a shame that is, too.

Good on you for finding a local support group. If you need anything make sure you ask here, too. Looking at it from outside the box can help you with those things that you can't see because you're just so close to them.




Kris

 

glad you're going to therapy & support groups rather than the bottle (I've been there and done that)

weights are a great way to burn off anger

God Bless you and your children

 

Thanks guys. I am seeking joint physical/legal custody. I'm a shift worker and it would be impossible to get full/sole custody as per the lawyer. Later I could file for that. Right now my oldest (4yrs) is questioning why mommy and daddy live apart. I tell him that no matter what happens, mommy and daddy will always love you and that now he and his little brother has two houses to play at!. The Cheater and I are just thinking about the kids now, she is fair about that. The boys keep talking about her Lover (Joe) though which concerns me. My oldest ask's me If I know Joe (which I do, I kicked his EDIT the last time we met).. I just tell the kids that Joe is mommies friend and that I am their father/daddy..
Doug.

 

Thanks Kris, I'm trying to get out of the box that she and I have put me in..LOL. I do find comfort in the group, they are wonderful people and are all the victims as I am. I fear my boys might need some therapy in the future as well. She doesn't seemed concerned about their wants and needs, Its all about her now
Doug.

 

Its not easy, But I have lost all trust in her, and I am finding out more and more lies she has told me since about April of this year. I still love her, she is the mother of my children and I am still wearing the wedding ring, But I cant trust her, and I cant live with her, and the ring comes off when the divorce is final. I want to live up to the vows to the end and have a clean conscience.
Doug.

 

If your not going back to her lose the ring. All it is doing is holding you back. Looks like you are taking some real positive steps with your kids.

Good luck.

 

Been away for a while, have a lot going on in my life. I can feel your pain and frustration. Since you are from Cali, and this happened to me...after all the fireworks, my ex went to work on the children, switching the blame over to me. It got to where the children wouldn't even want to see me. They began making up excuses on why they couldn't see me today or this weekend...

Please do some research and reading on "parental alienation". Lots of information on the WEB...It got to the point where they do not even want to see me...

 

Akita Sumo, Sorry to hear that, right now, my kids are always asking the water buffalow "where is daddy"?. I have the kids 50% of the time, she drops them off with me when she wants to get some with her lover. She's traveling 300miles one way to the SF bay area to meet this buffoon. Its all about her, not the kids. I'm the one that gives them their flowbee haircuts, I'm the one that helps them with their home work and plays with them. Im the one that takes them to their favorite park. She not even buying them any toys for Christmas!. So I am playing Santa this year, getting dressed up for them. I want them to believe in santa and in the the spirit of giving!.
Its an ugly situation. I want to be a full time parent, I want the good and the bad, no matter what, I love and need my boys as they need me to be the sane one in the family. The papers have been filed, now we're just waiting on the court. My soon to be mis-stake of a wife will be a part of history. She wants all of the good, but none of the bad of rearing children or a family..
I have been going to a church group on divorce and a marriage counselor, both of those things have realy helped me move on.
Just the other day, she (The Water Buffalow)asked me if we were doing the right thing, I said yes, Yes I am. there was total silence on the other end of the phone.. Too many times has some one else been there for me to take her back. Its Over!
The way I look at her now, is with total discust. she is dead as far as I am concerned, But I never talk bad about her infront of my children, I praise her. They will have to make up their own minds when they get older. All I can do, is to be there for them, and be stable and strong minded.
I have had numerous old girl friends from high school calling me since this happened, but I'm not going down the same road she is, so I just stay friends with them, talk to them on the phone or on face book. Maybe in the future there might be something, but not now, its way too soon.

Doug.

 

Keep a diary of everything. With dates and time of day.
It WILL come in handy sometime.