Farm life



A California Department of Water representative stopped at a
farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, “I need
to inspect your farm for your water allocation.”

The old farmer said, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”

The Water representative said, “Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I
am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No
questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you
understand?”

The embarrassed old farmer nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep
running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's bull. The
bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw
down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....


Your card! Show him your card!”

 

I've always liked that one.

 

Good one! Thats the first time I heard it.

 

Ya just gotta love a Texan's logic:


Three men, a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texas Gentleman, are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Texan says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Texan sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar, smiles and says,'Fill it with water!

 

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the

door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,

standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.



'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'

He slams the door and returns to bed.



'Who was that?' asked his wife.



'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.



'Did you help him?' she asks.



'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out

there!'



'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember

about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'



The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding

rain.



He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'



'Yes,' comes back the answer.



'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.



'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.



'Where are you?' asks the husband.



'Still over here on the swing,' replied the drunk...