http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd67/samsparents/cid_1_1826522649web50901_mail_re2_y.jpg

Thanks, I just spit coffee all over!

That one is saved and going out as an email very soon.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change ! The chicken wanted change !

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day One! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. Heh! Heh! . . . Did he cross in the 80's? I might have missed it if it was in the 80's.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken..........(What is your definition of crossing?).

AL GORE : I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&& ;^(C%..........reboot.<

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

now THAT'S FUNNY!

That's a good one![laugh]

here's a couple .. not all political

9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying_____ YOU! [this is a 5 letter word not a 4 letter word...start with sc..w]
(9) Don't worry abo ut it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.


Is It NBA Or NFL?




36
have been accused of spousal abuse




7
have been arrested for fraud





19
have been accused of writing bad checks





117
have directly or indirectly
bankrupted at least 2 businesses




3
have done time for assault



71,
repeat

71 cannot
get a credit card due to bad credit


14
have been arrested on drug-related charges


8
have been arrested for shoplifting



21
currently
are defendants in lawsuits, and




84
have been arrested for drunk driving
in
the last year


Can
you guess which organization this is?

Give
up yet? . . Scroll down,






















Neither,
it's the 435 members of the
United States Congress

http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd67/samsparents/cid_1_1826522649web50901_mail_re2_y.jpg

Things are improving in the VP Hunting Dept. as she got the "Game" and not her "Hunting Partner" like Dead-Eye-Dick did.. [coffee] [coffee]

Darn, and after today's debate I was voting for Bullwinkle! May yet, even dead he is still sharper than what we have running in this race.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know, I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.'

The actual reason the chicken crossed the road......to prove to the armadillos that it CAN be done.

The actual reason the chicken crossed the road......to prove to the armadillos that it CAN be done.

That's great! [laugh]

Lord help us, we can still do this after the election.

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?
GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at
the White House. One from Louisiana , another from Tennessee
and the third from Florida. They go with a White House
official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does
some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900:
$400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for
me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and
figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for
materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Louisiana contractor doesn't measure or figure, but
leans over to the White House official and whispers,
"$2,700"

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure
like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high
figure?"

The Louisiana contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me,
$1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix
the fence."

"Done!", replies the government official.

And that friends, is how it all works!!!

Picture him here.


Ah . . . Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir


Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um . . . know you are busy and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important and . . . ah . . . I hate to bother you. I will only take a minute ok, sir?


See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.


Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once!


Oh, sorry sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island? No, I didn't think so. .


Well, listen, anyways, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up These things seem to either be 'locked' or 'not available'. I'm sure it's just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are . . . I . . . I . . . have them written down here somewhere . . . oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you.


Could you help me please find these things, sir?

1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- 'not available'
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- 'not available'
8. Law practice client list -- Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published -- None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles -- None
13.Your Record of baptism-- Not released or 'not available'
14.Your Illinois State Senate records--'not available'


Oh hey listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much for you now? I mean tell you what , I will come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you are busy, so I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow. And the day after.


Who wants to know these things asks Senator Obama?

Columbo answered:


'THE AMERICAN PEOPLE'

New Friends

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma"am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

New Friends

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma"am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."


[laugh]
That got me, lost it at work... [laugh]